About Christianity

I had a dream: a nightmare
Where (your back grew further away).
I was frozen...

I was searching
Once again
For the warmth that should have been there.

I was alone on that night
With no place to run to.

Ah, I started to blame myself
While I was wandering.

---

i guess at one point of time or another, everyone felt lonely. maybe it is the emo-ing of a teenager, or the harsh reality of life, it did not matter. what mattered was that at that point in time the person really felt lonely. as if no one could understand what he is going through.

well, technically that kind of thinking is wrong. obviously. the earth has been spinning for around the last 6000 years or so (according to the timeline of christianity, not the big bang theory)? since then numerous humans had been born. and as we are all humans, the stages of life we go through are similar.

well, still, at that point of emo-ing, the person may really think he is alone in this whole world. there are many people who desperately seek to escape the grasp of loneliness. there are people who are not scared of anything except for loneliness. maybe, even those who are not really sociable hate this kind of feeling too. just that they can take it much better, hide it much better.

like the girl (see the excerpt at the start of this post), she was desperately seeking for the warmth of another human. those who are wandering, technically, they have no place to return to. if you are alone, it did not matter where you are, where you go, because it makes no difference from one place to the next. because you are alone. maybe, like that girl, you feel so cold and so scared you are frozen, unable to do anything. no place to run to for help, no place to go to where you can rest.

and for those who cannot take loneliness, and despite failing after trying very hard, you may blame yourself, like her. maybe it really is your fault. maybe it is not. it is either your fault or the whole world's fault. lolx. well, i don't know. or maybe, it did not matter either way.

humans by nature crave for companionship. all babies seek their caretakers. all kids instinctively trust people and look for a group of friends they can play with. it is only until when we grow up a bit more, mix around with more people, that maybe, we begin to intentionally distance ourselves from others. or maybe we did not, just that people do that to us. again, either way, it did not matter.

but sometimes, fighting against human instincts is hard. it is only human to look for companionship. only human to want to have a warm, safe place they can run to. purposely denying yourself that, or being denied that, either way, it is hard. some can take it, some cannot. some are scared, some are not so scared. and again, some desperately seek to end it, while some don't.

whatever your reaction, it did not make the fact you are making your life difficult any less false. because we are not created to be alone. it must be, due to some reasons, some situations, that people become alone. sounds like a stupid statement eh?

what is a life of solitude? you have to experience it yourself to know it. the best description cannot beat first hand experiences.

how to end it? you have to ask yourself that. is it a character problem of yours? or your appearances (well humans are superficial afterall)? or maybe, you stop trusting in others? maybe, you are scared of losing more friends, so you rather have no friends to lose in the first place?

how about asking God to be your friend? He is always there, waiting for you to stretch out your hand and take His.

if you have a character problem, He can solve it for you, with your co-operation. if it is about your appearances, there is nothing to worry about. He looks at your heart afterall. if you stop trusting in others, i thought, how about trusting your God? there is no need for Him to gain your trust to harm you, since all He needs to do is to think and you become whatever He wants you to be. if it is about not wanting to lose any more friends, that would be the last thing you need to worry about. He will not leave you, nor will He die.

a life of loneliness is not suitable for a human. maybe, you can take it. maybe, you can survive through it. but, it is like running a race with no shoes. even if you can take it, even if you can survive through it, why would you want to subject yourself to this kind of pain? yeapx, loneliness, is actually a kind of pain. or maybe, the pain is so long-lasting, so serious you have become numb. that you forgot that it actually is quite painful.

whatever your situation, be it you rejecting others, or others rejecting you, stretch out your hand to God. then, you won't be like that girl...

you won't have a nightmare about your most important person (God) leaving you. you won't need to stand frozen, in the cold anymore. you won't need to desperately search for the warmth you want. even if it is night, you are not alone. even if the whole world is against you, there is a place you can run to. and, there won't be a need to wander around, searching for companionship anymore.

because you won't be lonely anymore...