About Christianity

i have a life that i think is a bit more tedious than most people around me. maybe i am still in the period when i can still feel the whole world is on my shoulders when i only have a very tiny problem. you know, i kind of miss the days when i can wear a face of tragedy for just a tiny problem. of course, the purpose of this post is not to complain how hard my life is. i would have done that in the 'random' blog instead of this 'christianity' blog.

hahax but of course i cannot compare to my idol... mizuki nana-chan. she is a seiyuu (for games, anime, drama cds, dub movies...etc), sings, perform in concerts, go to radio talkshows, variety shows on television, appears in magazine... and who knows what else she does? i don't even know if she actually has free time. *respect*

hey you people, don't complain you have no time! but maybe allow me, this immature person to complain. because when i grow a little older i cannot do that anymore. and because i can, since this is my blog.

to those who know me personally and are closer to me, you will know why compared to most people i have double the workload. for those who don't, i don't plan on saying. like i say, this post is not about that.

hmm but i guess i need to give some background. for simplicity's sake, take it that i am studying in the morning and working at night. you know, for me, to come back home when the sun is still up is a very happy thing for me. you know, going out when the sun is not fully up, and coming back when people are sleeping is not a very happy thing. and i have been going through that for nearly 3 years now. what a long time huh... (hey i am still eligible to be immature just for a tiny bit longer! let me complain a bit more about my life.) to think i said i am not complaining.

anyway, for the last thing, sometimes when i hear people around me complaining 'work is hard', or 'school is really tedious', in my heart i sincerely wish, that i can be like those who complain. i really, really wish for that. and to some extent, i really envy them.

now i will come to the main post. the purpose of this post is to tell you to look at things from another perspective, and i will give you my personal experience for that, which is why i told you a little background about my life, which i would otherwise not tell.

my friends always said i am pessismistic. in fact everywhere i go, i have the reputation of being the most pessismistic person, be it in classes, in groups, or whatever. however i would like to think i am being realistic. so maybe to those who know me personally, you might really be a little shocked to see me writing this post. but well, thank God, because He taught me how to count my blessings. although even for now, i am still considered very pessismistic by my friends.

so, let's start.

the cliche goes. it is always good to count your blessings. because cliches always work, that's why they became cliches. i have to say, that despite my busy schedule and not so ideal lifestyle, when i have counted my blessings and understood that there are other things rather than those 'pain-in-the-ass' stuffs, i am not so envious of others anymore.

i mean, i do still envy what others have sometimes that i do not have. but i also know that because of this lifestyle of mine, i have things that others don't have. things that people are willing to trade for in order to be the same as me. of course, the things they wanted only limit to the good things and not those other less-than-ideal things.

because of my lifestyle for the past 3 years, i don't really have much time where i can use it to do stupid things. this is the conversation between one of my friends and me (in chinese translated to typical singlish):

me: wha full time university students so free. doing stupid things like painting a banner for an event.

friend: they have time what...

me: but you know... i wish i can do stupid things like that too. waste my time... i really wish i can do that.

friend: ya, me too. but our lives don't allow us that.

this is the kind of things my friends and me wanted to do. simple things like this are what we want. of course, when people asked me out, i have to reject them many times, because of my work. i missed out a lot of fun in exchange for something else. that is not to say our lives are very bad. like i said, i have gained many things too. and one of the important things is friends.

i have gained close friends which many people do not have. i have friends who trust me enough to call me out and cry in front of me. i have friends who confided many of their personal problems to me. friends who would go out of their way to help me. hmm how do i say... there are many more things about our friendship. they are closer than many of the other people i met elsewhere. and they have given me a lot of happy memories too. for the past 3 years, they have added colorful pages to my life's book.

and i ended up telling you my life, when i decided that i would not say too much about my personal stuffs. what is the moral of the story? you know, there are times when life is really hard. when you want to give up. sometimes it is not that because we are weak, it is that the problem is too big. ok it ended up with we are weak, not strong enough to carry the burden. but i think, no one is able to carry all the burdens that are assigned to him or her. burdens, we can share with our friends, not only by confiding, but by practical help. we can ask God for help too. but bear in mind always that God is not your genie. i made a post on that too. or was it 2 posts?

and when life is really hard, we always tend to see the negative things. like for me, i focus on the negative things too. things that people have which i don't. things i really want to have or do. not that you are deceiving yourself, but once you count the blessings you have, the things you have, you would realize that you are still living a happy life. like i said many times, living an ordinary life, grumbling about life and stress... they are in a way, happiness. see my previous posts (i forgot which one exactly) for a detailed explanation.

you would realize that, in this hard life, there is something that can support you. something that pushes you forwards, maybe with or without you knowing it. thinking back, it may be because of this little and seemingly tend-to-be-overlooked things that guided me through the past 3 years of my life.

you know, for all my grumbles, i am actually very happy about my own life. i do grumble, and i do complain. but like all the smiles and joys, these little unhappy stuffs, to me, they are part of the 'ordinary and happiness of life package'.

so, after a big round, what i want to say is... count your blessings. enjoy your life. appreciate what you have. and for the n-th time i am saying this, remember that somewhere out in the world, there are many people who would gladly trade their lives with yours, adding 10 times more your suffering. lastly... thank God. because, no matter how stressed and problematic our lives are, we are not one of the people in the war-torn countries, not one of the citizens in a country raided by poverty and sickness, not one of the folks in a land corrupted by violence and drugs. despite what we are going through, we are experiencing happiness.

that's all.