About Christianity

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

i guess, this is the verse every christian would know, and a verse that even some of the non-christians would know.

literally, we can get what it means. not to be angry anymore by the end of the day, and in our anger do not do 'bad' things.

the usual explanation given for that, other than the fact that we might actually sin, was that if we remained angry with a person, or perhaps even hated a person, we would not be able to move forward, but get entangled in this mess of wrath that we are not supposed to be. we are supposed to be people who showed love to all, not to be so angry that we are unable to forgive others.

don't get me wrong. i am not saying that we cannot be angry. all humans would have experienced anger. all humans would have some wrong done to them, and would have done some wrong to others, be it intentional or unintentional. well, there has to be a time limit.

of course, as usual, it is easy to say that. but in the end, the standard argument goes that if we don't get out of that mess of anger and hatred, we are unable to move on and focus on the things that truly matters to us.

but then, i realized, that there is also another reason why we have to do that. i realized it only today. well, i supposed there are a lot of others who realized it much earlier than me, or perhaps i realized it long ago too. just that today, this idea got driven deep into my head.

that, for those whom we are angry with, or even hated, perhaps, things are not the way we actually perceived it to be.

i have read in stories, and experienced in real life, that sometimes, the very people we were angry with, or if we put it to the extreme, hated, were the very people who did what they did for us.

for this, let's put aside the method they used to accomplish something. every human acts differently, and every human has different personalities and characters. but sometimes, situation 'forces' them to do what they did. that is not to say their every action is to be justified.

i mentioned 2 times before, if anyone actually read every single of my blog posts, that i defined a hero as not simply someone who gave up a lot, perhaps even his or her own life for a glorious purpose or someone. i admit, these are acts that required a lot of sacrifice, and i respect them for the determination and resolution they have in order to protect or to achieve something. note: i do not approve of terrorism. i define a hero as someone who would willingly give up a lot, to protect or to achieve something (let us just pretend terrorism and all the bad deeds in this world doesn't exist) noble, even if it means the very people whom he wants to protect hate him.

to have the people you protected and helped hated you, yet still continued on until the purpose is achieved. to me, that is a hero.

leave room for God's wrath. we are not to take revenge. remember the verse?

why?

because in our anger we do foolish things. in revenge we lose the humanity and compassion we have. and lastly, in anger and revenge, we might end up hurting more those who actually might be on our side. i don't think there is anything else more painful than the fact that those you truly treasure enough to give up so much for ended up hating and being angry with you, to the point of taking revenge on you.

sometimes humans are honest, yet some are dishonest, to themselves. that for something they did for you, in order for you not to get burdened, they said it was for themselves or for other reasons. there are people who are easily misunderstood, because of the way they talk and carry themselves.

some of the acts we witnessed might really be unacceptable. yet, sometimes if we think about it, were they neccessary? perhaps not. but given the same situation, and the same resources given to us, what would we have done? would we have done it any differently?

God tells us not to take revenge, because we do not know the hearts of others. we may think that we know, but do we really know? do we really know and understand the full situation of what actually happened?

for example, i read it in a news article before, that not all terrorists died for their ideals. some of them, were too poor to feed their own family. to the extent that they had to sign up to 'die'. because if they completed their mission, their family would have received money and then would be able to survive.

supposed the parents did not want the little kids to know that for their sake, their father had died in the process of killing others, because it would be too much for the kids. yet the kids knew that their father was a terrorist, and found the act unacceptable. maybe they would be angry, or even hate their father. but, should it be this way? i admit, terrorism is unacceptable. but, given the same situation and the same resources, would you have done it any differently?

the above is just an example. i am sure you would have known many others.

sometimes we are really angry. and we hate someone for the things they done. but in the end, can we really say that we know and understand the whole situation, as well as a person's intention? so, if you can, forgive the person who made you angry, who hurt you. not only can you move forward, you might actually have avoided the slim chance of hurting the person who was on your side.

God knows the heart of all. let Him be the one who decides what to do. we are only humans. we have our part to play. and in our list of duties, judging others is definitely not anywhere among the sheet of responsibilities that we were given.

this blog post is meant more for teens and maybe young adults, though it may be applicable too to adults. when people around us, say friends or siblings annoy us, we can tell them to shut up. 'just shut up,' we can tell them this way. done, they will just shut up, hopefully. but what if it is our parents who keep talking about something we don't wish to hear?

throughout our life in the family, we do make mistakes. sometimes we give trouble to the family. sometimes maybe it is not our fault. whatever it is, parents, yes i know especially mothers, keep harping about our mistakes. sometimes they keep talking about it non-stop. they talk about it for an hour today, repeating the same darn thing over and over again. tomorrow when we do something else, they bring it up. and then maybe a week and a month later they still bring it up again, along with other stuffs in the past days. we might think, 'yes i know i am wrong. can you please shut up?' i admit myself, though i didn't say it out, that i wish that my mum will just stop repeating my mistakes in front of me over and over again.

then again, some of us may not take it. we will just tell them straight to shut up. depending on how you say it, or how your parents react, it might turn out for the better or for the worse. in my case, it was always worse. when i was a teen, even though i know, even though i had made the neccessary corrections and do the things to patch up my mistakes, my mum still will not forget about it. sometimes she even dig out stuffs years back. familiar? your mum does that too? and yes, i was a kid who didn't know how to respect my parents. and i am not proud of that. yes, i am not proud of it, and now i am trying to change. i think i made some improvements. i learnt it the hard way over the years.

ok so i shouted back at my mum because she kept shouting at me over the things long gone. result? she shouted louder, and me even louder. yes i know it is bad to do that. respect your parents. one of the 10 commandments. in the end, both of us got hurt. sometimes she cried, sometimes i cried (actually only once). then the standard cold war. i hate it. why do i have to go through such a thing? whose fault is it? my fault for screaming back at her to stop saying the things which i have already been punished for, which i have made the neccessary corrections and stuffs?

both sides are at fault. but i have the bigger fault. i have to admit it. first, i shouted at her, and thus showed disrespect. second, by shouting and showing disrespect i am provoking her into a bigger anger. she screamed louder. cycle repeats. then it gets out of hand. you must understand, in my family, whether in the first place the kid is wrong or correct, the parents always win. parents don't lose an arguement, and they don't lose a fight. i guess this is true for many others. anyway, the result will be a disaster. the home is not a place where you want to return to for the next few days, or in my case, weeks.

so, then, what can we as children do? yes, it is darn annoying when they keep scolding, criticizing and list out a whole darn list of faults we did and conveniently forget all the contributions we gave for the family. yes, i experienced that for the whole of my teenage life. only until when i am near adulthood that i learn to shut up. now, i don't scream back at her to ask her to shut up. this time, i shut up. annoying? yes. irritating? yes. my temper still almost went out of control. but remember, no matter what, shut up. they can scold you for minutes, for hours. but if you shut up, they too will shut up. maybe just give them a nod or a 'yes' whatever to let them know what you are listening. main point : shut up and don't say anything to provoke them. don't even say anything else if possible.

reason? if you shut up....ok let me rephrase. would you talk to a person who shut up and don't even talk back to you? would you talk to a person who act like a piece of wood and show no reply? your head inside during this whole time may be a mess, you might be angry now and you might not know when you will lose control if they continue talking. but still, shut up. if you just argue back once, the case is gone. anger that is suppressed and finally let out will well...you know how a dam breaks right? then you provoke her, and gone. she became even more angry. let your anger subside once she stop talking. i learn that through experience. no matter what, control yourself. trust me, it is worth it to shut up for a few minutes than to have a cold war for weeks.

i guess it is the nature of all mothers to be like that. you may be like that too. but remember, if you are a mother, remember don't make the same mistake. forget the mistake your kid made if they have been punished, if they had done what is neccessary to correct the mess. i said parents, but i only reference it to mums. dads are usually not included. why? because all they did when they get pissed is to punish you physically, and then both will shut up. simple. dads usually don't talk. so that's why there is no need to argue with them. no place for even talking.

moral of the story? to keep the situation under control and to let your mums shut up about your mistakes you made 10 years ago, shut up. shut up. shut up. keep telling yourself that. it works for me. it should work for you. and maybe, you can try that to other people who do that to you. but if you know someone who can talk to a piece of wood for hours and for days, i think you need to find someone else for help. my experience is limited.