About Christianity

roughly 9 or 10 years ago, when i was a little kid, i made a friend. she was one year younger than me. we were from different schools, we had met at the playground below my house. i was living in a high rise building... well not actually high rise, 8 storeys only. she lived in another block of flats. below and near our block of flats was a playground. we went there to play often. badminton, catching, blind mice, whatever. games usually kids would play. we were in primary school, or what the americans would call a elementary school.

so we played. because i was a person with no life, i looked forward each day that i can go down to play. you know kids, we can never stay at home. my parents were strict. i dont want to stay at home. sometimes they banned me from going down. but when i did go down, i would play with her. it was fun. maybe because she was the only friend i had outside of school and sunday school.

so we played. we continued that way till secondary school, or what you would call a high school. gradually more people join us. life became better, for a while. there were boys and girls. we became really good friends. at least, i treated her as my good friend, maybe my best friend. during teenage, it was a time when normal girls and normal boys started having feelings for the opposite sex. me too. maybe she too.

ok i will skip the details. but we ended up having a very strained relationship. she wanted to severe all ties with me. it was no fun at all. i remembered it was one of the most painful period of my life. maybe i will sound like a hypocrite, but i really did tried to repair our friendship with her. no use. she refused. she still had me on msn, me too. but we didnt really talk. when i talked to her, she refused to answer. and then she blocked me. i kept her in my list, as a memory of my dear friend. i moved house. i have no idea what had happened to her then, dont know what happened to the group of friends. but i remembered hating someone. that time, i had thought it was gone, that she had blocked and deleted me on msn.

i gave up. i had tried for around 1 year plus. maybe a year and a half. i was too tired. i had tried my best. after i moved house, i did still think about her. i still had her in my msn list, the very top. it was just a memory. who knows, one day, years later, i saw her name appearing online on my msn list. i did not receive a request to add her on my msn, which means all these years she only blocked me and not delete me. we talked for a while.

the thing is, after so long, after such a strained relationship, we can only get past the formalities such as how do you do. we used to talk a lot, talk about everything and anything. we joked a lot. we teased each other. but now, we have problems talking. now and then, me or her would try to communicate with each other. but it was always like this, after a while, it became a Q&A session. for some reason, we cannot talk normally anymore. even though she had finally agreed to make peace, the hurt was still too great. i had given up hating the person whom i thought had caused my treasured and precious friendship to break down. i had hated because maybe i can say it is not my fault. maybe i dont want to admit i did something wrong, that i screwed up somewhere. and then, i found it very tiring to keep hating a person. i had no choice, i had to accept the result of it is the combined mistake of all of us.

so now what? i have no idea. i only know, our friendship is so broken it is almost impossible to repair. i heard on tv, and saw in movies, that when friends quarrel, they became better friends after they patch. why then, is mine so different? instead of being stronger than before, it was so much weaker. it is as if both of us are trying to hold on to that line connecting both of us. i can sense the awkwardness. i did not know what to say to her, and i guess the same for her too. i got my wish, that my dear friend restored the bond, but why is it that weak? what can i do? i have no idea. i already tried my best. maybe she too. i dont know.

what would i give to go back to the past? many things. friendship (relationship) is one of the top priorities i have set in my life. the bond is priceless. and yet, this is one of the biggest regret in my life. how long have we known each other now? 10 years maybe. or 9 years. isnt it sad?

do you have a similar situation? maybe you have. what can you do? i have no idea. i myself if i know what to do this blog post will be 'my restored friendship' instead of 'my broken friendship'. i only have one way out, that is to pray. years ago, when i gave up, i had stopped praying for the restoration. years later, our friendship got restored. maybe not the way i want it. but it did. God did answered my prayers. but this few years, i had not prayed for our relationship to go back to as it were. i dont know why i didnt do it. but i know, if i want it to happen, i have to pray. i had been praying for her all these years, but not for the strengthening of our bond. am i scared of something? maybe not. i just didnt think of it. maybe, if you have an experience similar to me, you can try praying. the answer may come many years later, but i guess it will come through. afterall, God do want us to restore our relationship. maybe the time is not right. pray, will you?

i guess, maybe starting from today, i will pray. and years later i will look back and not regret i prayed, just like how 6 years ago, i did not regret that i prayed for our bond to connect back.