About Christianity

the last time i made a blog post, i guess it was around more than a week ago? i am lazy to check the date. ok, back to what i want to say...

i love to daydream. unless i am very tired, i daydream every chance i get. i daydream in class, during my travelling time, during exams, during my exercises, during meals etc. i daydream childish things. maybe some of you, or most of you might be like me. or maybe only a few of you. not that it matters.

so what do i daydream about? well... as you can guess, unrealistic stuffs. fantasies. maybe it is due to my hobby of watching anime and reading manga, or maybe i just like it, i daydream about well, stuffs like magic. it is just like a kid who imagine herself to have magic. oh well, yea i know, childish. to know what i daydream about more, go read my story on my main website (shamelessly advertising for myself, again!).

i don't know about you, but i find stuffs like magic, fantasies, stories very captivating. for one very obvious reason, it represents a world we can never be a part of. living in this world, this realistic world, we have to deal with nonsense almost everyday. deal with your boss, deal with your clients, deal with your colleagues, your wife, your husband, girlfriend, boyfriend....etc. not that your life partner is full of nonsense, i mean there are troubles in every commitment and every responsibility.

what does the fantasy world have that we don't have. animes like bleach, d.gray-man, fullmetal alchemist, chrno crusade, they are all fantasy stories. but they have a few things in common. things that attract me.

the people inside, well the main characters usually, they have a goal, a purpose they want to accomplish no matter what. they have a direction in life. they know what they want to do. the good guys, and well sometimes the bad guys, they have strong bonds. strong bonds, something we don't usually find in our world. a bond strong enough you will go all out for another. a bond strong enough you will go through tons of trouble to protect it. they have a determination that never crumbles, they never give up on their goals. in a way, they are very inspiring.

how many of us know what we have to do in our life? how many of us know very well that this (goal x) is what i really want? how many of us have bonds that strong? many times we give up on our goals. sometimes we get influenced. sometimes it is the circumstances. unlike stories, our world is not a world that if you try hard enough, everything will turn out well. our world is not where everyone treasures their friendship. our world, unlike the story world, is far from ideal. like i said in one of my previous posts, there are things, that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much luck you have, you still cannot get it. there are things, which we can only look from afar. there are things, which we can only look at people having it and wish we are like them.

unlike stories, we are not really in full control of our lives. we may have a goal, but situations call for it that we give up. unlike stories, we have a more realistic responsibility. we need to eat, we need a house, we need to survive. we need money. chasing after a dream, or working for money, what would you choose? being raised in singapore, a nation known for its practicability, i was taught that no matter what, putting food on the table comes first. dreams, they can at most be done in spare times. dreams, they only served as a hobby. i was raised to go for the job with the best salary, even with a bad boss and a bad environment. and yes, i willingly sacrificed my dream for a bad boss who give me a relatively better salary.

we may have a friend, but a quarrel separates us. maybe he is wrong, or maybe she is correct, but sometimes, both parties are unwilling to compromise. maybe ego is worth more than a bond. maybe pride is heavier than the weight of a friendship. i admit, i am like that too. even though i always say i treasure bonds, there are times when i let go of a few friends.

in our world, there are no such thing as forever friends. i remember in primary and secondary school, 'forever friends' was a concept used a lot. but as i grow up, i realized that this concept is almost totally crap. there are short-term friends, long-term friends, but there are almost no forever friends. i am talking about relationship between humans, not with Christ. we may have friends for 20 years, 30 years, 40 years, but as time goes on, we realized that friends do go their own ways. friends do get busy enough. you are like that, i am like that, we all are like that. there is a limit to how things goes. everyone has their own commitment. we have families to take care of, one of our own, one of our parents'. we have a job to handle. we have different social circles to balance. we need rest. we are humans with limits. and therefore, friends get relegated to aquaintances.

what about direction in life? do you have something to fight for? if there is, what is it? promotion, pay-rise, or fighting for someone you admire from a rival? or is it fighting for the top spot in some field? compared to the anime world, the story world, we don't fight for others. we don't fight for the world. we fight, for ourselves. because, sometimes, we are the world. at least that is what of us show through our actions. we are not heroes. we are not saints. we are not people who would fight for others, even if others hate us. we are not kind enough to treat them as we would love ourselves. maybe some of you are, but i know i am not at that level yet. but even with that, even if we fight for ourselves, what is our goal? is our goal short-term? is there any meaning? do we fight to win others? do we fight to get a better life?

with our life, what are we doing? are we wasting our lives away? maybe we are not. maybe we are.

another aspect we are different from stories - how many of us can truely tell ourselves, that our lives is full of excitement? a brief idea of my life: wake up, go to work during the day, go to school in the night, go back, quiet time 10minutes, surf net for 1 hour, sleep. cycle repeat. instead of fighting monsters, i have to fight with the boss (not literally of course), fight the exam papers, and fight to get more time for myself. what a life. people always ask, how am i doing? it is a routine question, and therefore it calls for a routine answer. normal. everything is normal. but what is normal? normal is the kind of uninteresting life where we have to deal with nonsense. i know most of you deal with much more crap than me. just take it as i am a spoilt person who never endured any form of hardship.

i always tell myself, i am in the prime of my youth. people are enjoying their lives. i have to work day and night, like a dog. oh well, i asked for it. or did i not? it does not matter either case. 10 years down the road, when i look back, what kind of life do i want to see? what kind of life do i want to see myself leading when i was young? i regretted my teenage years. now that it is not reversible, i told myself i will lead a better life now i am 21. talk is easy. always. i am leading a... what kind of life is this?

so what do i want to say? i am going to say another thing which i probably will not do. preaching what i am not doing again. maybe not preaching, take it as i am suggesting some ideas. or you can take it as a crap talk i am saying in the middle of the night when i am supposed to be doing something constructive.

10 years later, what do you want to see when you look back at today? a life spent having fun everyday? a time spent on getting the top spot in studies? a period of helping others in need? i don't know. only you know what you want to do. even so, it might be hard. circumstances. reality. but it does not mean we cannot try. it does not mean we have no hope. they say, if you try and failed, you can at least tell yourself you tried. maybe it is true. debating this is philosophical. i don't like that.

the previous post, i said life is like micromouse. maybe this time i will compare it to a building. assuming a building of 80 storeys, each level represents one year of your life. from the day you are born, you add level by level, until the day you die. some of us have high buildings, some shorter. in each level, what do you want to see? how colorful will it be? maybe you will fail at doing something, but at least, when you look back, you can laugh at it and say, 'oh, i remember doing something like that.' not that failures is ok. a failure is a failure. there is no consolation. but, at least, the levels of your buildings will be more colorful. trying and fail, and not trying at all, both have the same results which is nothing. but you did something with your life. instead of wasting it away, you work for something. like the anime, we work and we fight.

heroes in stories win. maybe they die, maybe they don't. but they win. we might not be a hero, but it doesn't mean we cannot try to be one. a hero that goes for the things that make our life colorful. please don't commit a crime, end up in prison, do a prison break stunt and tell me you have a colorful life.

erm... no. this is not the song by rihanna. ok it is lame. =.=

so it was raining, and i had to go out of the house. i hate rain. it makes the floor wet and slippery. it makes going out difficult. it makes me wet. it makes my stuffs wet. and if i am wearing shoes and socks, my feet get wet. and everything goes so slowly. people walk so slowly. the traffic moves so slowly. it is to me, very irritating and frustrating.

i hate to use an umbrella. it is troublesome. so whenever possible, unless absolutely neccessary, i will not use an umbrella. but wherever i go, i will carry one with me. i am a firm believer of: i would have something i don't need rather than need something and don't have it. now isn't that familiar? yea. the girl from AVP said it. hahax. sue me for plagarism.

riddle: what am i going to say in this post?

answer: another civics and moral education lesson.

flame me for being one who keep preaching what i don't do. just don't do it on my blog. free speech is prohibited.

ok. i sidetracked enough. randomed enough.

sometimes we treat God like an umbrella instead of our Lord. as christians, we should always treat God as our Lord. well, technically if you are not a christian you should do that too. but many christians treat God as an umbrella instead. why do i say that?

when everything goes well, ie the sun is shining and there is no rain, we put God behind us, like an umbrella inside our bag, and forgot all about Him. why? because He is not needed, well, that was what we think. or that was at least how we acted. but when there is rain, ie when there is trouble, we pray and ask for help, just like how we remember we have an umbrella.

in actual fact we are supposed to put God as priority. even when there is no rain, we should not forget about Him. there are times when i too wished that i do not need to follow rules, and do what i want. and of course many times i did what i wanted instead of doing the right thing. i guess that is like treating Him as an umbrella. because when things go wrong, we suddenly remember there is a God who can control all things. that, in a way, is treating Him like a genie.

of course, i have no right to scold people or something like that, because i am guilty myself. but it does not mean i cannot say what i think, and try to let those who read this have a new perspective. i have said what i wanted to say. God is our Lord, not our umbrella. whether there is rain or shine, the top place should always be for Him. talk is easy, because everyone knows how to talk. but it doesn't mean you cannot try. of course sometimes we pass sometimes we fail. but at least, it is better than not bothering to try. i failed many times too.

i guess, if you really need a reason, i shall give you one. you have 2 options: enjoy now on earth and burn in hell for all eternity or suffer now and enjoy in heaven for all eternity. when you die, the game is set. and you either smile forever or scream forever. at least, if you suffer here now, you won't need to scream.

my friend told me once, 'besides iraq, the office is the world's second war zone.' in a way he makes sense. the office, is a very unhealthy place. there are all kinds of people inside. people love to play office politics, backstab each other and do all sorts of nonsense. i started working since i was 17, and had been to quite a few places to work. hahax i always jump from job to job. i have worked in a bar, as a sales-person, as a pilot assistant, as an office worker doing finance and then shifted to marketing, as a tuition teacher... etc.

the office is really one place of a war zone. maybe you would think i am naive, maybe you would think i have not enough experiences. but i think, everybody are working to earn some money. at the end of the day, we just want the money. or it is the case for me. why is there a need to play politics inside the workplace? is there a need to backstab each other?

of course, i have seen people blatantly cursing and swearing behind your back and can smile in front of you. hypocrites. many are like that. maybe i am like that too. there are others who can put arrows behind your back and be a friend to you in front. there are many nonsense inside.

sometimes, to be a good christian inside an office requires really a lot of effort. maybe, or definately, we would need to pray for God to give us strength and wisdom to survive inside in the most Christ-like manner we could. sometimes i would also really like to put a knife behind people's back. but i know, one day who i am accountable to. one day i would have to give an account of my life. not that i am holy. you could say i am afraid of punishments. but then, who knows? one day i might lose control of myself. am i emo-ing today? i hope not.

i remembered i once told a friend who could not get along with others because they had some biasness against her. she was very upset about it. i told her, that that may be a way for her to show her christian faith, a way to display christianity. be kind to others. who knows? it may be God who put you there, so you could show to others how a christian would act. she said she was encouraged by me.

when i was doing my own stuffs thinking about the office matters, suddenly that memory of me and my friend who was upset appeared. as if The Holy Spirit is telling me to remember what i was saying. that words i encouraged my friend with, now came back to me. maybe, i should show my christian way of life. in a world of sin, the christian faith would shine brighter.

sometimes i really feel like a hypocrite, in a different manner from those (i really want to use a swear word here) people in the office. i always do not do what i preach. hahax if you noticed, i kept using the word 'hypocrites' recently in my post. you know, for some reason, i felt like i suddenly could see people in a way i never saw before.

suddenly, i begin to see what hypocrisy people had. it was like i had a revelation and an insight to people's actions. maybe this insight was given to me so i would not be like them, and help people understand their own situation, not to be a hypocrite. like what i am doing now, writing to say what kind of things people do. so if you are one of the hypocrites, please change it. one day, we have to explain what we did with our lives. i know i don't want to fail.

for now, i am totally ignoring some of the people in the office, and do not talk to them unless absolutely neccessary. but even so, it did not make me less of a target board for arrows. maybe my forehead had the 2 words 'shoot me'. not that they did not shoot other people.

but if you happen to be like me, keep one thing in mind. that is your goal. your goal is to work and earn money. just keep that in mind. like going to heaven is your goal, do not let other things distract you. with that goal in mind, things become much easier. or maybe, i have not suffered the worst yet. always remember why you go to work, and not let other things distract you. most importantly, do not join those self-important hypocrites.

am i flaming my colleagues?