About Christianity

just like that, on the first day of february, shiki and i walked on the path in the night. that really was not unusual, just like a scene of our normal lives. ...but when i think back later, that was also undoubtedly the last day kokutou mikiya looked at ryogi shiki.

ever since i was a kid, i already knew the possibility of seeing someone for the last time. at that time, if i am not wrong, i was no more than 10 years old. maybe 8, maybe 9. i forgot. i don't know about you, but at that time i knew, that whenever i say goodbye to someone else, that really might be the last goodbye i will ever say.

in our lives, we have people who walk the same path as us. our family, our friends, our beloved, and God. they are a big part of our lives, and in a way, they are indispensible. but just as i mentioned before (in my previous post titled 'roads'), that everyone has a different path to walk. one day, sooner or later, we will have to split up with them, the only exception being God.

because everyone has a different road to walk, it will be impossible to walk with each other all the way. some of us took a turn to other places, some of us has a very short road. then, have you ever wondered, what would happen, if someone close to you no longer appear in front of you again?

for some of us, we were given the grace to know how much longer will a person stay with us. for some of us, it comes without warning. suddenly, you realize the person who was walking beside you earlier on will never walk with you again. or maybe, for a very long time now, you know that someone will no longer walk with you when his or her path goes into the direction you cannot go yet. or maybe, you will be going along a road that they cannot walk. not that a person has to die, but sometimes, friends do go very different paths, so different that it would be almost impossible to keep in contact again.

although i had always known that when i say goodbye to a person, that might be the last time i am doing that, the fact that when it actually happened, you realize you could never prepare enough. because sometimes you don't know who it will be, and when it will be. and sometimes, the fact that even though you have a countdown to that day, when the day comes, you might have realize that no matter what you do, you cannot prepare enough. maybe it would no longer come as a surprise, but still, it was as if all the preparations you had made were just for the sake of giving youself a better self-control when the time comes.

oh well, maybe it is just me.

there are special moments in my life which i spent with some people, be it with a particular friend, or a group of friends, or family. because time will not repeat, or maybe you will never get another chance again, i tend to want to treasure the moments i spend with people around me. sometimes consciously, sometimes not. but in the end, i will remember them. of course, i don't show it out. it will be crazy to do that.

not that maybe someone is going to leave you, it is sometimes you know you are going to leave other people. that when the time comes, the goodbye or the smile you give will be the last. again, not that you have to die.

so, whenever i can, i will try to remember bits and pieces of memories i share together with those important to me. maybe, if i am walking along the streets with a very special friend, i would want to remember the conversation we talked about, the scenery around us, and most importantly, the feeling i had when i am with this friend. or maybe, i would want to keep in my memories this group of friends whom i always hang out with, and remember their lame jokes, and not forgetting their habits and actions. maybe remembering all the different kinds of expressions of a particular person would also be another way of doing it.

and little by little, storing them in the brain, hoping that one day, when you really have to leave them, when you cannot see them anymore, you would have this treasured memories. of course, we have cameras, we have technology. but photographs cannot replace memories, especially in a situation where there would be no more contact. photographs can only aid you in remembering. because ultimately, it is memories that have feelings attached to them. and the jpeg file from technology only aids in your memory recall. and sometimes, people don't take pictures.

and one day, when you take your memories out of your brain to see, you would have known that you share those special moments of your life with your friends, or your family, or a particular person whom you love.

like mikiya and shiki, the last time you see each other might just be a normal day (or night), in a scene not so different from your everyday life. so maybe, when you hear each other's voice, you would want to remember how it sounds like. maybe, when you see each other, you would want to remember how s/he looks like. remember the smile, remember the angry expression, the sad emotion, the irritated face..etc. in this case, the story applies to 2 lovers. but in real life, we can apply to family, friends and of course, lovers.

if today, everyone suddenly disappear on you, or you disappear from everyone else, walking on a road nobody else can go, of the many people you know, whose memory do you want to keep? maybe it is just one person's memory, maybe it is a group. be it family, friends, or your lover. maybe you would want to start keeping those memories.

not that i am cursing you or being pessismistic, but sometimes reality don't give us a countdown. or maybe, we don't want to know about the countdown.

i don't know about you, but for me, when the countdown finally hits 0, i want to be able to remember special moments of my life, that i once walked down the road with my friend(s).

maybe, one day, after a long long time, you would forget how the person who walked besides you looks like. or maybe, you would forget how that person sounds like. you might even forget how that person feels like when you touched him/her. but at least, if bit by bit you store your memories away and treasure them, despite memory decay, you would have known, that during a part of your life, you once walked with this person before. that once, along a road not so different from the everyday lives, in a reality not too different from the rest of the people, you spent that special moments with this important person in your life.

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this post has nothing to do with christianity. i only wrote it in a moment of impulse. and halfway through, an unexpected interruption disturbed my flow. and hence it resulted in a not very smooth flow of the story, which made me kind of unhappy at myself when i read what i wrote. rubbish article, and the flow looked like trash.

the above paragraph is just an excuse for myself...

a teenage boy was jumping off the top of the building. and as he fell another person jump out of the building too, to save him. the following conversation was also something i could not forget:

'why did you save me?'

'because if you die, everyone will be very sad.'

'in this city, who would be sad for someone like me, who don't even know his real name?'

'i will be sad for you, is that not enough?'

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is that familiar? again, this is taken from a story. one reason i love stories other than the fact it provides an escape to the reality we live in, is that authors, they really know how to write beautiful stories sometimes. which is also one of my goals, to write a beautiful story.

for the benefit to those who did not know about this particular story, the person who jumped out of the building to save that boy was his king. the king had jumped out to save his own man.

in our lives, we will make friends. some are temporary, some are longer. some are good friends. some are not.

there are those of us who make many friends. be it your looks, talents, characters etc, you have made friends wherever you go. some of us don't. wherever we go, people don't like us.

if there is a reason why you are an outcast, most probably the reason lies with you. the problem lying with you does not mean you are wrong. maybe the whole group is wrong. maybe you are wrong. well i am not here to talk about that. but what i can say is, most probably you will need to correct yourself to fit in. but if the group you are trying to fit in is up to no good, i suggest you remain an outcast.

because i don't like to talk to strangers, i made friends slower than most people. sometimes it happens that people all have friends and formed their own cliques, of course i am still alone. well i asked for it.

anyway, if you are alone, sometimes you looked at other people and you envy them. i guess friends are like shoes. you walk on the road you called life, or the chessboard you called life (which is of course not true, look at the post titled 'micromouse'. i explained that in detail), and sometimes it is hard to walk. with shoes, walking is easier. sometimes you feel you can keep on walking. without shoes, you get blisters, it is painful. it is hard and painful to walk, but it is not impossible to walk.

to those of you who don't have friends, be it because of others' prejudice or your own fault (at least correct it if you know it is your own fault), we sometimes imagine things. maybe if we die today, how many of the people we know (with the exception of our family) will cry for us? how many will be sad for us?

even if the whole world does not know you, even if the whole world does not feel sad for you, even if the whole world could do without you (erm for this it is almost true for everyone?), there is one who would feel sad for us. you guessed it. this is a christian blog. no matter how the topic spins, it always comes back to the same point.

yeapx, Jesus, our Lord, our King, our Friend will be sad for us. maybe i shall quote a Bible verse (first time i do that in this blog!). Isaiah 63:9: In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Like the story, we have a King who feels sad for us, who cares for us. our King is not a King who rules over us like slaves. our King knows us. maybe if you think you have no friend in this world, always remember you still have a Friend who knows everything about you. even if you have a whole lot of friends to make people jealous, there are things which we don't tell them. we all have a side we don't want people to know.

our Friend, He knows everything, whether you tell Him or not. maybe one day when you are sad, you can confide in Him, since He already knows everything and there is nothing you can hide from Him. lying would be pointless anyway, and i cannot imagine lying to God. maybe He would answer you during your confiding, or maybe He would choose to listen to you first. either way, He is always there for you. you just need to call Him. of course He is not your genie.

to those who don't have friends, to those who are lonely, to those who will be alone in the future, maybe life would be really hard to walk. really really hard. maybe one day we will be really sad. sad to the point where we don't wish to live. feeling pain to the point we wish we could give up anything to be free from it. i thought, if at that point, my King said to me, 'I will be sad for you, is that not enough?', i thought, i might be able to go on. He is not a King who only knows how to talk, He will provide a way out. please don't hope that you will be declared innocent if you murder a person.

when we walk the road we called life, it is great to have friends. if however, we don't have, just do remember you have a Friend who is your King. i don't know about you, but if it is me, i think it is more than enough when He feels sad for me. the Bible already said, He do feel sad for you.