About Christianity

'when i learnt of the truth for the first time... i decided... even if we are an illusionary existence... i still want to protect my clan... for this purpose... regardless of the methods used... regardless of what i have to throw away... regardless of who i kill... i don't care... i will definitely not allow anyone to destroy... the land which even though the people who reside in it are illusionary lives that are created, the land other than which they have no other place to go... even if my methods are evil, the glory and prosperity now... the kingdom of mibu... mibu's future... i want to protect with my own hands!'

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do you have things you want to protect? things that are precious to you, things that you definitely, absolutely do not want to lose? or maybe is there something you need to do? something you have to do, no matter what.

every sane and normal human on earth has a reason behind his or her actions. regardless of good or evil, moral or immoral, without a doubt, we act with a reason or motive. bad people do bad things. that is what we were taught to believe in, when we were growing up. and we were taught also to believe that good people do good things. or rather, the people who do good things are good people. but as we grow up, we realize that good people do bad things too.

i am not referring to bad things as sin. of course measuring by God's standard we are all bad. i am using the human standards and moral values. good people do bad things. or should i say, not all who do bad things are bad people?

as we see the situations and events which unfold from the sidelines, as like we are reading manga, we can observe everything with a clear mind. but when we are in the situations ourselves, we always judge by what our eyes see. because it is easier that way. because, we don't want to understand others. because, like what another person said, 'everyone is right in his own eyes.' i thought, maybe, we are like that too. we are always right. and others are always wrong.

anyway, that was off-topic.

the problem with all of us is that, we are only humans. we are humans with limited knowledge, limited power, limited wisdom, limited understanding...etc there is nothing about us that is perfect. on the other hand, you can be glad that none of us are perfectly evil. at least not that i know of.

and because we are humans with both good and bad sides, sometimes we have good intentions. like fubuki (the man who said all that above), sometimes we did not know what else we could do to fulfil this good intention of ours. desperately, we want to achieve something. maybe it is for ourselves. maybe it is for someone else. maybe, it is for the world. who knows?

whatever the case, we assume it is a good intention. but because we are only humans, there are things that we are not capable of. there are things that cannot be done if we do not harden our hearts. there are things that requires us to be cruel... etc. at least, according to human knowledge and the operating style of this world, that is true. we are humans in this world, and we suscribe to the system of this world one way or another. that is our natural instinct. and when we become christians, we don't operate the way the world operates.

i had sidetracked again.

anyway, if we have good intentions, but our actions are evil, then will we achieve anything? i don't know. never tried that before. but i thought, that if we want to do something good and nice, then, shouldn't there be a better way? because, somehow, it is sad to be like that. it is somehow sad to do bad things for the sake of achieving a good thing.

i don't know about you, but this is how i feel.

so, as humans we have limited skill and power. but we need to get something done. it is desperate. what can we do? i thought, maybe, ask God. if we want to do something good, there is a chance that it is according to His will. if you want to do something bad like killing another person, i can almost say that it is not according to His will.

and if what we want to achieve is according to His will, then i am sure He will respond to you. in what manner, i don't know. in how long, i don't know too. but i do know that He hears your prayer. if it is God, then with our limited power, limted skill, limited wisdom, limited understanding...etc we can still accomplish something without having to do evil. because it is God, miracles are not surprising.

maybe i have no right to say it since i have never fought for something so desperately that i would disregard the cost of achieving it. but you know, even if i sound like a hypocrite, i have to say, that doing evil is wrong, regardless of the intention.

and again, maybe i don't really understand what i am saying, and that i am just spewing out some self-righteous nonsense. but i think, if we want to do something good, we should just ask God. when people turned to all sorts of ways to accomplish their own goals, it is when you know your burden is too heavy for you to carry. it is when you are almost collapsing under the weight. and then, like what you should do long ago, you should turn to God and ask Him to help you carry part of the load.

you are not alone. even if the whole world rejects you, God is still with you. the most powerful, the wisest, the Creator of all things is with you. there is no need to be scared. no need to worry. no need to do evil to accomplish something good. God is with you.

all these while i have assumed you to have good intentions. so if you are desperate, and is looking on the side of evil to reach your goal, don't do that. turn to God. there is no need to carry everything yourself. there is no need to do evil. trust in God. and then you will see a miracle, most probably. i don't know what God wants to do.

whatever you do, turn to God and trust Him.

i am going to say something very simple today. but i think everyone of us have heard the moral of the story, so i guess it might be pretty boring. hmm, let me see. maybe i should change the story and come up with the same moral of the story? hahax.

everyone of us meet different people at different times. schools, work, social meetings, chance meetings, co-incidence, miracles, saviors, whatever. many people come and many people go. some stay with us longer and some not. some give us good memories and some not. familiar? yea, i guess i am repeating what the others before me had said so far.

i had good friends, and still do. you know, the thing with good friends is that when you are with them, whether man or woman, you think we will always be good friends. because the current friendship is so sweet, so stable. but after a while, as in many years, and experiences, i came to realized that good friends can be split into 2 categories - permanent good friends and temporary good friends. regarding the permanent good friends, i guess there is no need to say anything more.

temporary good friends. i had temporary good friends, both male and female. there were things you would talk to a boy and not to a girl, and things you would talk to a girl and not to a boy. the thing about temporary good friends is that after some time, the relationship falls apart, or got distant. no, there need not neccessary be conflict or strife. it just happens as surely as ice melts and as the sun sets. maybe the setting sun would be a good example. it happens. when you look at it and observe it by the seconds you would not notice the difference. the sun looked as if it is not setting. it looked as if it would always be there. turn your back, go into the toilet and come out in say, 2 minutes? the sky darkened. it is fast. same as temporary friends, before you know it, they are gone.

maybe not gone. maybe not a total breakdown. but surely, the relationship is not as close as before. is there anything you can do? sometimes. sometimes not. i tried to save it sometimes, sometimes i don't. so far, none of them worked. if it did, it would not be called a temporary friendship. the old saying goes, it takes 2 hands to clap. builidng a relationship is like buiding bridges. you build, and the other side at least need to connect it to his/her side, even if he/she does not want to build it.

a relationship, i take it as building and connecting bridges. building bridges can be done by either 2 or 1 person. certainly it is harder for one person to build. but the fact is it can be done. the thing that cannot be done is the connecting part. you may build the best bridge, but ultimately the act of connecting to the other side, the heart of the person, lies with the person's decision. you may persuade, talk, scold, cry, whatever. you can influence, but not make the decision. if the other side do not even bother to connect it, there is nothing you can do, as far as my limited experiences tell me. sometimes you try too hard, and people think you are irritating. that is when you know you have to give up. at least it is for me.

why am i writing this? because i have lost another temporary good friend. so maybe when i am writing a blog i thought of this. of course, this is not to say that if your friendship is going to be temporary, you will not give your best. you never know if that good relationship will turn permanent or not. even if it does not, a relationship should require that both parties give their best. of course, i am saying this as a close relationship between 2 parties, not just aquaintances. sometimes we touch people's lives, sometimes they touch our lives. if we can make a positive impact on others, even if it is temporary, does it really matter? maybe, God put you there temporary to make an impact on that person's life. and when your job is done, you will need to go to another person. maybe that is the whole plan. of course, it is a pity to see a good relationship gone like that. it just break down. suddenly, you might not feel close at all. but, maybe out there, there is another person waiting for you.

if you want a good friend, the moral of the story i want to say is, Jesus is your permanent Friend. actually, does my moral of the story fit the story itself?

to hide the mask we are wearing, we put on another mask. how true it is. this is not my own idea, i found it as the lyrics to one of the songs in my playlist. i like the phrase, and think it is true, and so i also put it as my msn nick.

we wear masks everyday. why? haix i have the habit of asking questions and answering them on my own. in any case, we all know it is because we don't want others to know our real-self, our weakness and our ugliness. everyone of us has a side we don't want people to know, a weakness we don't want others to know.

we wear a mask and we go out. maybe to this person we show this mask, and to another we show another mask. maybe we are really feeling inferior on the inside, but on the appearance we put on the mask of 'superiority'. we act as if we don't feel inferior, so that we can cover up our true-self. maybe we do not intend to lie, but we sub-consiously, do that, without us knowing. and maybe to keep the sense of superiority intact, we act as if the things that affect us greatly do not even concern us. that will be the second mask. no, this is not all that is, the above example is only one out of many. me? i admit i do that too.

i have many masks too. not that i want it, it just happened. to some people i showed my cruel side, to some i showed my gentle side, to some i show my happy side, and to some i show my selfish side. maybe we change our masks according to who we deal with. maybe it is instinct we have to do that. i don't know. is it wrong? i have no idea. maybe it is just a different side of us, but it is still us. just like the blind men feeling for the elephant, some say it is big, some say it is small. but be it the head or the tail, it still is the elephant. so for us, can i say that be it this mask or that mask, it is still us? i don't know.

whether i am sad or not, i try to show my happy face to people. because i know letting them know my problems doesn't help, and it is not considerate to spoil people's mood for my own problems. i guess many of you are like this, in front of people you put on a smiling face. i don't know if it is real or not, but to me it is natural. maybe i do that too many times, maybe i am born like that. again, i have no idea. in front of people, i have no problem smiling, no need to even act, it is as if i am really happy and carefree. but again, when i am alone, many times i feel moody again. is it emo? no idea. but whatever the case, it do happen. what can we do? the only answer i can come up with is to pray to God.

but whatever the case, as christians we ought to show the genuine side of us which really cares for those around us, in order to touch the lives of others. if you put on a mask which is not you, then you can't do it, because fake feelings don't get across. love is blind, but that only applies to romantic love. maybe we have our ugly side, but it doesn't mean we cannot show our good side to others. the good side is still the real us. of course we are supposed to get rid of the ugly side, to confess our sins and repent from it. but still, everyone has weakness. can we say that because we have an ugly side, that's why we cannot be true to people? not really. we still can. so if you can, show the good and true side of yours to as many as possible. who knows? you might touch their lives, and in turn they may touch yours too.