About Christianity

"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

i guess, this is the verse every christian would know, and a verse that even some of the non-christians would know.

literally, we can get what it means. not to be angry anymore by the end of the day, and in our anger do not do 'bad' things.

the usual explanation given for that, other than the fact that we might actually sin, was that if we remained angry with a person, or perhaps even hated a person, we would not be able to move forward, but get entangled in this mess of wrath that we are not supposed to be. we are supposed to be people who showed love to all, not to be so angry that we are unable to forgive others.

don't get me wrong. i am not saying that we cannot be angry. all humans would have experienced anger. all humans would have some wrong done to them, and would have done some wrong to others, be it intentional or unintentional. well, there has to be a time limit.

of course, as usual, it is easy to say that. but in the end, the standard argument goes that if we don't get out of that mess of anger and hatred, we are unable to move on and focus on the things that truly matters to us.

but then, i realized, that there is also another reason why we have to do that. i realized it only today. well, i supposed there are a lot of others who realized it much earlier than me, or perhaps i realized it long ago too. just that today, this idea got driven deep into my head.

that, for those whom we are angry with, or even hated, perhaps, things are not the way we actually perceived it to be.

i have read in stories, and experienced in real life, that sometimes, the very people we were angry with, or if we put it to the extreme, hated, were the very people who did what they did for us.

for this, let's put aside the method they used to accomplish something. every human acts differently, and every human has different personalities and characters. but sometimes, situation 'forces' them to do what they did. that is not to say their every action is to be justified.

i mentioned 2 times before, if anyone actually read every single of my blog posts, that i defined a hero as not simply someone who gave up a lot, perhaps even his or her own life for a glorious purpose or someone. i admit, these are acts that required a lot of sacrifice, and i respect them for the determination and resolution they have in order to protect or to achieve something. note: i do not approve of terrorism. i define a hero as someone who would willingly give up a lot, to protect or to achieve something (let us just pretend terrorism and all the bad deeds in this world doesn't exist) noble, even if it means the very people whom he wants to protect hate him.

to have the people you protected and helped hated you, yet still continued on until the purpose is achieved. to me, that is a hero.

leave room for God's wrath. we are not to take revenge. remember the verse?

why?

because in our anger we do foolish things. in revenge we lose the humanity and compassion we have. and lastly, in anger and revenge, we might end up hurting more those who actually might be on our side. i don't think there is anything else more painful than the fact that those you truly treasure enough to give up so much for ended up hating and being angry with you, to the point of taking revenge on you.

sometimes humans are honest, yet some are dishonest, to themselves. that for something they did for you, in order for you not to get burdened, they said it was for themselves or for other reasons. there are people who are easily misunderstood, because of the way they talk and carry themselves.

some of the acts we witnessed might really be unacceptable. yet, sometimes if we think about it, were they neccessary? perhaps not. but given the same situation, and the same resources given to us, what would we have done? would we have done it any differently?

God tells us not to take revenge, because we do not know the hearts of others. we may think that we know, but do we really know? do we really know and understand the full situation of what actually happened?

for example, i read it in a news article before, that not all terrorists died for their ideals. some of them, were too poor to feed their own family. to the extent that they had to sign up to 'die'. because if they completed their mission, their family would have received money and then would be able to survive.

supposed the parents did not want the little kids to know that for their sake, their father had died in the process of killing others, because it would be too much for the kids. yet the kids knew that their father was a terrorist, and found the act unacceptable. maybe they would be angry, or even hate their father. but, should it be this way? i admit, terrorism is unacceptable. but, given the same situation and the same resources, would you have done it any differently?

the above is just an example. i am sure you would have known many others.

sometimes we are really angry. and we hate someone for the things they done. but in the end, can we really say that we know and understand the whole situation, as well as a person's intention? so, if you can, forgive the person who made you angry, who hurt you. not only can you move forward, you might actually have avoided the slim chance of hurting the person who was on your side.

God knows the heart of all. let Him be the one who decides what to do. we are only humans. we have our part to play. and in our list of duties, judging others is definitely not anywhere among the sheet of responsibilities that we were given.

'...enishi, i said before, it is futile. no matter how strong your attacks are, you cannot land a hit on me anymore...'

'so what? no matter what happens, i will only attack with all my heart. i don't need to defend! to defend, to protect, they are meaningless to me. because the only thing i want to protect, had already been... has already been taken away by you! that's why, i want to kill you! i swore, i will definately, definately... kill you with my own hands!'

---

when i read until this part, again this conversation got stuck into my head. because it had quite a big impact. i guessed those who read it would feel the same way. the sentence above contained the most negative of human emotions one can experience - hatred and grief.

i may not have met many things, i may not have experienced a lot of different kinds of emotions, but i do know that these 2, hatred and grief can do a lot to a human. it can change an innocent and kind person to a heartless and cruel person. it can drive a happy person to depression and despair. and within the limits of my knowledge, i think these 2 are the most negative, as well as carrying the most impact. i don't know about you, but these 2 emotions, to me, they are the most powerful of the negative human emotions.

i think, as long as we are human, we do feel grief at one point or another. at one point or another, we hate. yes, hate is a strong word. in a certain sense, hate is stronger than love. hate is different from dislike, it is truly wanting the fall and the suffering of the other person. maybe you can say, if i hate a person, i would want him/her to go to hell, knowing myself that hell is the most scary place in all creation.

and when these 2 gets combined together, we can see like the story above it changed a person totally. depending on the situation and the level of hatred and grief, as well as the character of the person, the change in a person may vary. these 2 combinations of emotions are quite scary, don't you think?

have you experienced things like that before? i thought you might. i thought we all have, just that it depends on the level of hatred and grief we have. like the person above said, the thing he wanted to protect, which was actually his sister, was taken (killed) by the other person.

it is usually the things we want to protect that we failed at doing it, the things we cherished that people took it away, that we hate. be it a relationship (siblings, romantic, friendship...etc), career, money, dreams... there is no difference in the things you want to protect. just that, we all have things we cherish and want to protect. you have things like that, i have things like that, everyone has things like that. and when this precious thing get taken forcefully away from us, we hate, and we get sad.

this is natural. nobody would be happy seeing your cherished thing or person get taken away.

and when we feel hate, we know that most of the times we don't just sit and let things carry on. we want revenge. we do everything we can. and we do stupid things. because we stopped seeing every other thing. we only see the person we hate. maybe in your mind you would have replayed the scenario of you carrying out the act of revenge over and over again. and because hate is an intense emotion unlike dislike, what we think usually gets carried out in action. and most of the time, we disregard the consequences. it may be like, 'i don't care if i die. the most important thing is, you have to fall.'

does the above sounds familiar? i thought it might. because we are all humans, we feel the same thing. hate is based on instinct. and we all have the same instinct. to see the other person fall. it is only the process of carrying it out that is based on logic and personality. our common ground is, we want to see the other fall.

they say to hate is tiring. to a certain point, it is true. to hate means to give up a lot of things. to hate means to continually work for the fall of the other and the rise of us to ensure they never get up again.

what about to grief? for some unknown reason, the heart feels very pain. even though we may have a healthy heart, and the heart does not process emotions, it is the heart that feels pain instead of the brain. as if, no matter how many tears you cry you still cannot numb that heartache.

like hatred, grief can change the course of a person's path. everyone feels grief, again it is the level of grief that is different between humans. to some, they carry on walking. to some, they stop. to some, they changed a new path.

you ever met a person who got both hatred and grief at the same time? people usually have grief, and hatred. but that would be over 2 different things at 2 different times. but like the man above, it is very possible to feel both hatred and grief over the same matter at the same time. then, i thought, that man or woman became a very dangerous person. if left unattended, who knows what might happen?

as christians, we are not supposed to hate. but it is our nature. it is hard to give up hating. it is hard not to grief. to grief is not a sin. but to hate is. seems very unfair and hard, huh? but we are not alone. we have a God who feels for us. if we hate someone because of a wrong done to us, He will repay it for us.

Romans 12:17-19:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge, I will repay," says the Lord.

heex talk is simple right? you can't just ask people to give up hating just because someone quote the Scriptures. but i thought, maybe i will still say it.

God doesn't want us to take revenge not because we deserve to suffer. but because if we are in the wrong, then the suffering we have, we deserved them. but if we are not in the wrong, seeking revenge will end up screwing up our lives, like what i said above. so God will repay the person for us. because He knows what He is doing. so that we can continue to live our lives. and because God is just and fair, we can trust in Him that the punishment He gives is the correct one.

for the hurt we have, God will heal us. because He loves us. because He is with us. God takes care of us. our grief, our hate, He can take it away. grief and hate are part and parcel of life. they will help us grow, if we allow God to work in our lives. i thought, maybe i can say that because as a human too, i feel hate and i feel grief sometimes. maybe the intensity is not as great as you, but if a little hate and grief can screw up a person's life so much, then your great hate and grief will mess your path even further. you only have one life. don't screw it. God will walk with you if you allow Him.

so if today, if you hate and you are sad, ask God for help. if you know someone like that, pray for him, and help him as much as you can. because in our world where we can only see hate and sadness, there is a greater world out there filled with laughter and peace. i want to walk to that world, and i hope you can walk to that world too. because, that world of joy is the world fit for human living. not this world of hatred and depair.

If only she could have cried awkwardly,
If only she could have forgiven them at that time,
If only there had been someone she could have leaned on...

In that body that knows nothing
Did night turn into day?

---

there are many tragedies in life that many people go through. rape, abuse, murder, war, poverty, starvation, illness, accidents... etc. although i have a very strong tendency to envy other people for what they have and for what i don't, i am actually very grateful to God that so far, i have not met any situations like that. so far, i have not experienced any tragedies that will sink me into despair.

many of us too. we lead a normal life, live a blessed life. although we envy others, we ourselves sometimes know deep down in our hearts that for all the envy we have, for all the 'depressions' we have, for all the frustrations we have, we have not yet been sink into a despair we cannot climb up of. or maybe, we have not even stepped into the swamp of despair before. walking in a rocky road perhaps, but nonetheless a road.

do we know people who sink into despair? maybe the death of someone, maybe a person's own helplessness at being unable to prevent a certain tragedy. maybe a guilt too serious that he/she cannot forgive herself? we all have different limitations. some sink into the swamp quickly, while others took a longer time to sink. but, still, whether quick or slow, it did not make the fact they are sinking any more false.

like the girl (see the opening of this post), she was in despair. she cannot cry, she cannot forgive, and she had no one to lean on. in the end, the day never came. because she never lived through the night to see the day.

we have many emotions, and for every emotion there is a counter emotion. for every positive feeling there is another negative. love and hate. hope and despair. if hope can bring a person back from the 'dead', despair can send a person down to her grave. those of you who had gone through despair before, you would have understood.

the girl, her parents were dead. she could not cry. she could not forgive. she had no one to support her.

the act of crying, is a sign to show others we are weak at that point in time. unfortunately, sometimes people are unable to cry. maybe people don't want to see you in your wreak state. maybe, you just want to show people you are strong. maybe, we think we are not fit to cry (this would be the most logical reason i can come up with). unable to cry not only means we are suppressing our tears, it also means we are suppressing whatever we are feeling inside of us. hiding it, cover it... but we cannot eliminate it. not being able to face ourselves, what can we do?

forgiveness, one of the laws of christianity, is there for a reason. not only because God forgives us, it provides a way for healing. if we cannot forgive, how can we get out of the hurt? maybe i can say that because my parents are not murdered or something. but, if we don't forgive, we cannot move on. just like that girl, she was unable to move on. being stuck in the past, experiencing the pain over and over, until she reached her limit. if only she had forgiven them, she might have been able to see the day.

if only she had someone to leaned on, she might not have died. if she had someone to support her, she might have gone through the crisis. when we are in despair, we fall, and we don't want to pick ourselves up. you feel very tired, as if nothing else matters anymore. as if even if you die, it didn't really make a difference. with no one to help you, with yourself in that swamp of despair, sooner or later, that is going to make you drown. at that time, if someone lent her a helping hand, pull her out of that swamp, she would not have died.

what do i want to say?

of course you can say God is there. but, even though He is there, how many of those sink into despair will take His help? the emotions suppressed inside, the hatred, and the feeling of helplessness - even though God can take it all away, how many of those in despair would let Him do that?

maybe then, if we see someone like that, we can be a bridge to link her/him to God. even if they refuse to believe in God, maybe we can do something.

maybe, she won't let her feelings out in front of you. maybe, she won't cry in front of you. but, at least, if you are there for her, she may have the courage to face herself. she might not know it, but in fact she might be crying really hard in her heart. crying so hard she has no idea when that will stop. and that will not stop as long as she don't face herself. if you are there for her, maybe, you can just give her a little courage that she needs.

forgiveness. some of us find it hard to forgive. even though hating a person is tiring, but sometimes we just cannot bring ourselves to let go. i know that myself, perfectly well. what can you do? i don't know. hatred is something that cannot be taken away that easily. but i can say, if you are there, maybe that person would know that there are more important things than hatred. that life is worth something much more than that. it is hard to give up hating. but one has to come to terms with that. one has to resolve that matter in her own heart. but, if you are there, although you cannot walk the road for her, you can walk the path with her, right?

having someone to lean upon. this, i am sure, most of us can do. for those in despair, the least we can provide is emotional support. the person in despair is at her weakest, especially emotionally. breaking down is not uncommon. and like that girl, suicide is not uncommon. if we can be there, to show that at least she has someone she can rely on, that at least someone is there for her, maybe, she can see that hope. of course, don't give her the wrong kind of hope. give the correct hope.

a person in despair needs help desperately. it is urgent, and your actions may save a life, literally. if today you see a person in despair, if you can, lend a helping hand. if you can, sit down with her. if you can, walk down the road with her.

so that she can cry. so that she can forgive. so that she can find strength to go on with you supporting her. and finally, so she can go through the night to welcome the day. because eventually, the day will come. and the night will be gone.