About Christianity

'the process of falling down is actually much more scarier than the state of being fallen.'

the above is really what i thought. it did not come from any story, not that i know of. it is just, this idea popped into my mind.

every human started from nothing. and from nothing we work our way up, whether with or without help from other humans, but definately with help from God. and then we climb up as high as possible, and maybe along the way we see all the others slowly falling off one by one. of course along the way, we will meet more and more capable people who are still climbing.

all that goes up must come down. it is the common sense law of the people. it did not apply in physics and in the law of gravity only, it also applies to us humans' successes. i guess one cannot keep on climbing up without failure. students try to study to aim for the top, workers try to get promoted, bosses try to expand their business...etc. everyone is working, and for every success there are many other failures.

i recently made a post about trusting God in all things, that He will give you peace if you trust Him. i think that's what i wrote. i am too lazy to go back and check. there is another situation i did not say, which is the reason why i am writing this now.

sometimes as we all know, failure is not immediate. sometimes it is a gradual process. how to say... it is like seeing yourself beginning to fail, to fall away, while you yourself cannot do anything about it. you begin to see other people succeed, and you yourself losing more and more things from your failure. so maybe you would want to say, you trusted God, and still you see yourself falling.

maybe if you are just given one big blow and you fell straight from the top, things might get better. because even in that state, it is still better than to see yourself losing and failing little by little. because the reason why falling is so scary is, you have no idea how much more you are going to lose. you have no idea how much more screwed or messed up your life is going to be. and the worst thing is, there is no one around who can help you. did i just accurately described what some of you felt at a certain point of time or another? if you haven't met with this kind of situation before, don't worry. your turn will come.

you would want peace, and maybe you did feel peace for that day after assurance from God. but after that, you find yourself getting hit in the face once more by failure. it is this impending doom you cannot avoid no matter how hard you try. so, how do you have peace? i seriously have no idea. because i am just 21, i don't have much experience. i don't have much failures to learn my lessons from. i only know someone who has more experience than anyone, more wise than anyone, and more capable than anyone. and He is God.

if i have to say something to console you (even if it totally doesn't work on myself), maybe i would tell another real life story.

i worked in quite a few places, and met quite a few people. all the people have a different story to tell. this is a story (or rather a comment) told by my superior, a middle-aged man who did not have much opportunities left compared to a younger person.

he said, 'when i was young, i tried very hard to climb up the ladder. i climbed and climbed, and when finally i reached the top, i realized the ladder leaned on the wrong wall.'

do you get what he meant? he is one of those who succeeded in what he did. but after getting success, he realized that what he got was not what he wanted. i thought, among all the stories told by my fellow colleagues, his was the most i could learn from.

failure, something not accepted by most of the people. and something almost condemned by the rest. nobody associates with losers, because they cannot gain anything from losers. but maybe, the act of falling down slowly but surely is God's own way to tell us not to be proud when we succeed next time, that for all those who fail, we are to show them compassion, because we know how it feels like. or maybe, we fail because He knew our ladder leaned on the wrong wall, and in His love and concern for us, He is dragging us down now so that we won't waste any more time climbing the ladder which we will later regret.

if this is any consolation to you who failed, then i think this post is not in vain. i hope, to those who fail, you will gain success one day, but still be humble and show compassion to those who fail. and most importantly, be grateful to God for the time He dragged you down.

of course, all these are my opinions. i have no idea what God is thinking when you failed, because i am not Him. i can only merely guess... you yourself should know the reason why you fail...

running away from problems. it is something i thought i will never do again. when i was a kid (9 years old), i remember very clearly once i knock down my classmate and caused him to fall and bleed on the leg. i ran away, and prayed to God that he will be healed. somehow i was hoping for a miracle. that miracle never came, of course. that day, i was taught a lesson. from that day onwards i knew that running away do not solve any problems.

as i grew older, i told myself that i will not run away from problems. running away from problems is somewhat like owing a debt. the more you run, the more you have to pay. just like a debt, you have to pay it. if you don't pay, you will get more interests, and in the end you have to pay even more. a problem too, you run away now, the problem gets worse. one day, you still have to come back. unless you declare bankcrupt, or do not care about the consequences anymore, then there is no need for us to face that problem. but the thing is, the consequences of not facing the problem is usually very... costly.

and so, i lived and thought that those who ran away are fools. i would never do that. that is a foolish thing to do. i am sure you will agree with me. this carry on, until recently.

way before the problem comes, when everything is still peaceful, i could already see what was going to happen. a big problem which is going to give me a ton of trouble. never mind, i will face it. and then it came. and then i realized that the problem is too big for me. because it is a personal problem, i could not depend on others. because it is an inevitable problem, there is no avoiding it. and from that day onwards, my life is going downhill, getting more and more screwed.

and then, for the first time in a long long time, i ran away from it. the problem which is going to be a bigger problem. leave it to tomorrow, and then tomorrow. maybe, it would be better if the tomorrow never reaches. everyday is just another shitty day.

and then i had realized one thing. i had became too proud. in the past, i did not run from problems because of 2 reasons: the problems were never big enough and/or God helped me along the way. this time it was different. i became like some others i told myself i never would be like them.

in this aspect, i had forgotten to be humble. i had forgotten what it felt like to be in a really deep shit. of course, we fell into a big trouble every now and then. but for me, maybe living in peace for too long made me forget about that feeling. and now, i am forced to remember it.

so what do i want to say? for all of you reading this, we must always be humble, and never forget how it felt like to be in trouble. when others are in trouble, and they do something foolish or stupid, or when they do something wrong, instead of looking at them and saying 'i am not going to be like them', maybe we should help them (if we can) or be thankful to God that everything is still going alright for us.

am i talking funny now? it is about 0200H. maybe my mind is not functioning properly anymore.

i thought i am still running away, knowing one day i am going to be in a deeper shit. heck, i cannot even make a meaningful blog post today. i had thought of writing something meaningful, but i guess in the end this post is just plain bullshit.

i am going to sleep. good night.

science is the new religion. science overtakes the supernatural. there is nothing science cannot explain. science rules.

how many of you think that? i think you might have heard enough about the so many miracles on earth for life to exist so that you have to believe in God, such as if the elements of the earth are slightly different from what we have we would all die. or maybe if we are a little nearer or further from the sun we would all be extinct. or maybe if the composition of the air is not what we have now, we would never have existed in the first place. you can read all these somewhere else.

in my own opinion, i am going to write out what i think is the function of science on earth.

science, of course, is a set of logical reasoning to explain all the things that happened on earth so we could get a better understanding of our surroundings. science, is a set of logic, derived from human intelligence and approved by all. through science, we explained what could not be explained in the past.

many people now do not believe God put a rainbow after rains. rather, people believe it is the what? (humidity or something like that) that causes the rainbow to form. forgive me my physics is terrible. what used to be miracles could be explained by science. natural disasters are no longer divine punishments, they are just reactions of the earth or the shifting of tetonic plates. no i am not going to convince you that disasters are punishments. that is not the point of this post.

to me, God created us on earth. and as this is our home, we need to understand how it works. God is high above, and His wisdom is higher than ours. of course, if left alone, we could never comprehend what the earth is and how it works. so He gave us intelligence to understand it. the set of logic which later formed science is for us to understand our home, and more importantly, to show us there is a God.

science has improved so many years. we researched a lot, and learnt a lot. yet the more we learn, the more things we found out we don't know. we discovered the earth is round, then we found out the earth revolves round the sun, then we found out the solar system is part of the milky way etc. the more we find out, the more we are mystified. the wonders of the nature.

can't you see? there is a God. in just 6 days, He created what we humans, with our science, took more than 5000 years to explore and not yet gain a complete understanding of all His works. shouldn't you feel that the more you dwell into science, the more you are amazed at His works?

to me, science is a tool for us to marvel at His creation, so that we know how great is our God. science, by no means, can replace God. it is not a god. it is not a religion. it is just a set of logic that God gives us so we can use it to explore our home, and to be amazed at His works. give the human race another 10,000 years, and even if we could colonize Pluto, i assure you, we would still not be able to fully explore and understand all that He created and set in place in just 6 days.

now, shouldn't science humble you, instead of making you proud that finally our brain can replace God? idols are what humans made with their hands to worship. science is what humans made up with in their brain with the intelligence given to us - a concept that some people worship. that is, if you believe science can replace God.

there is so much more that i am amazed. billions of people, over thousands of years, could only comprehend only a bit of what was created. remember: science is not a god that can replace God. science is a concept to show us there is a God, and to show us that we, are not God.

i just learnt a lesson on the last day of my exams. not exactly learn, maybe reminded and having the idea knocked into my head.

so this is what happened. i had my exams, and just finished it. i had 4 modules, and so had to take 4 papers. the last paper was supposed to be the easiest paper, and the paper i had the most confident in. the thing is, i did not aim to score, i only aimed to pass. call me unambitious, whatever. i do not have the habit of studying way before the main exams and always had to cramp everything in at the last minute. and naturally what people would do is to - ? spot topics. of course.

so i spotted topics. my friends too. we were part time students. we work in the day and study in the night. we had no time like the full time students to study whole day. when we had free time we want to rest, we do not want to study, which explains why we cramp everything in at the last minute. this is not an excuse. i admit i am lazy.

so we spot topics. it was risky. i remember my friend telling me not to study a certain topic because she could not do it. she told me if i were to understand it it would be very easy. but she could not understand it, and she told me not to study. that was the day before the exams. to be more specific, the time which she told me that was less than 24 hours before the exam start. and can you believe it, we were still spotting and deciding which topic to study as backup. we had prepared that in the event the topics we predicted did not come out we need to have a backup plan. but the problem is, i had heard her wrongly. i heard it as - study that topic because it is easy.

on that day of exam, i got a shock when i see the paper. the questions i predicted did not come out as many as i expected. note that i had aimed to pass, not to score. which means if i spot wrong topics there is a high chance i would fail. i spot 4 topics, it came out only 1. the other 1 was a backup topic i had prepared but i was not confident in. and you know what? the only topic i spotted correctly, i forgot how to do it!!!! that exact question appeared in the prelims, with only the numbers changed. this was a question where everything else is the same except for the numbers and the 'situation' given in the question. and this was the topic i had prepared for. and i could not do it. can you imagine how i felt?

i turned on to the last page to look at the question. there it was, the easiest question of the paper. and you know what? a second shock. this was the topic my friend told me not to study because it was hard. i had heard wrongly and studied it. and for the topic i spent less than a day preparing for, it was really a miracle i could do ALL the sub-questions in that topic.

before the exam, i had slacked a bit. i was really in no mood to study. i had stayed at home and studied every free time i got. why? because of last minute cramping. that happened for about 3 months. work, study, work, study. i got sick of it and did not want to study for the last paper which was my most confident paper. i knew i could not be complacent. i tried to force myself to study, telling myself to be humble. sometimes i did manage to study sometimes i don't. be humble, i tell myself. the body do not follow the mind. is that an excuse? i don't know.

and on that day, it further knocked into me the need to be humble. the question i did in prelims, the question i spot for, i had forgot how to do. the question my friend asked me not to do and which i heard wrong, i could do it. now, is there such a co-incidence? i believe it is a lesson God gave me. a lesson which i do not need to learn the hard way. i think i should be able to pass. but... be humble. i hope to pass.

moral of the story? even in the confident situations, there are things that could go wrong. unexpected help could also come. never be complacent. be humble always. i used to pray that God would help me pass my exams. but from 3 years ago, i had started praying that God will give me the results He deemed fit, but i added that i hope to pass, if it is not against His will. but in actual fact, what i think i should do is to study hard and get everything in, and then let Him decide to let me pass or not, instead of being on the verge of failing and then letting Him decide. haix, but i am lazy. will i change? i don't know. if you read all the way to here and still do not understand what i am talking about, then remember this one thing - be humble at all times. you won't want to regret.