About Christianity

'do you... detest adults? i used to be like you, detesting adults a lot when i was a child. they always tell lies, and only think about themselves, always wanting the children to go along with them... and would do bad things as if it was nothing! but, now i have become the adult i used to loathe. you are the same... you will become an adult one day. you cannot carry a doll forever, and dream about being together with peter pan. because this world does not have utopia...'

'there are many people who will come here (the shop). although there are bad guys whom you dislike alot and liars who come here, but there are also very nice adults. you are only 14 years old right? giving up on the world now, isn't that too early? after you met more people, maybe your thinking will change. furthermore, there are people here who will smile and cry for you. so, stay here...and try to change yourself.'

the above was part of a one-sided conversation between a man and a girl who was sexually abused by her step-father, and who had lost practically all hope in the world of reality, and adults.

being 21 this year, stepping into the world of adults, and putting behind the life of a child and teenager (but not my childishness), am i, joining the group of adults whom i used to dislike? many of us, or maybe most of us would have at one point or another really dislike adults. maybe the reasons why we felt like that can be more or less explained by the above conversation.

but as we grow up from a child to a teenager, and from a teenager to an adult, do we become the kind of adults we used to loathe? an adult who cares for nothing but himself. maybe, when we were a child, we did not know why some adults did what they did. maybe, they really have some reason for doing a particular bad thing. maybe at that time, they were doing things for a reason that our childish and naive mind could not perceive.

as we were growing up, we face more and more of the outside world. from school, to workplace and more. as we get more and more involved with this world, do we forget the kind of people we used to dislike? i remembered telling myself as a child, 'when i grow up, i wouldn't be like that. definately not.' i think you were also like that, right?

even before i officially hit the day of adulthood, i knew myself that i was getting closer and closer to the type of person i told myself i would never become. sometimes for our own benefits we harm other people. or we tell lies. we forced people to go our way, especially the weaker ones. we spare no thought for others. are you like that? i guess you are sometimes, right?

as adults, we have direct influences on childrens sometimes. i have a little sister 13 youngers than me, and when i think of how she looked at me, i am reminded of how i used to look at my parents. i remembered the things i don't like about my parents (such as forcing me to do something i don't like. of course at that time i did not put myself in my parents' shoes). and even though adults may have a reason for doing something, kids may not understand it. it is then the responsibility of me to help my sister see things in a different way. if you are a parent, i guess it is also one of your responsibility to think in the shoes of your child, because most likely your kid view you as how you viewed your parents.

if i have to describe my view of adults when i was a child, maybe i would say adults love only themselves and they were insincere. although that might be wrong, but it was nevertheless my thoughts when i was a kid. children would show care and concern for one another. they show genuine love for one another, instead of a fake love we are so used to. if today you measure yourself using the standard you set for adults as a child, the adult you, would you fail to meet the requirements?

let's not talk about the reasons why adults did what they did. from our point of view, we saw adults as liars, as self-centered people (of course we had no idea what these concepts were but we now know), as people who do not do what they preach. so, are we now becoming the kind of adults we used to dislike?

kids are naive, but that is also why they won't do what is wrong and do what is right. of course, they must first have the concept of what behavior is acceptable and what is not. when they do something wrong, such as lying, they feel guilty, and their words and actions would give them away. because they know it is wrong. what about us? i know i can lie quite well, because my concept of moral values has changed from 'right and wrong' to 'benefits and cost'. are you like that?

we are called to love our neighbors are we love ourselves. how many of us do that? sometimes we not only do not love them, we end up hating them, or maybe we do something harmful to them for our own benefits. be it big or small, it is still the same. loving your neighbor, this might be a commandment i could fulfil as a child, but i realized that i could not do it now. i have to struggle to not even dislike some people, let alone love them. but if it is the second most important commandment, we as christians would have to do it. you know you cannot do it, that's why we have to ask for help. ask help from God.

it is a very hard thing to be the model adult i used to set for others. even if we do not harm people, sometimes we sin deliberately. even if we know it is wrong, we sin. and we tell ourselves, God will forgive us. nobody is hurt. let's say you used God's name as an exclaimation of surprise, or maybe we lie too often, or sometimes we just judge people too quickly. gossip, despising others, curse and swear...etc. each of these sins do nothing to harm others directly, except maybe for gossip. these were the very traits we know were wrong yet we still do it. and sometimes as adults we expect children not to do wrong things and punishing them when they stepped over the line, when we ourselves intentionally cross it ourselves. what made us different is that maybe we can cover it better, or to give a better excuse.

i guess that's why Jesus wants us to have the heart of a child. a humble, true and sincere heart. an obedient heart. children obey adults, even when they do not set a good example. children don't do what is wrong if they can help it. children won't do bad things as if it were nothing.

like what the man said, there is no utopia here. many things are messed up. but we do have a future home we can look forward to. to heaven, where there is the perfect home. a place where they are no more messiness that makes people give up hope like that girl. a place where we can become adults that exceed our own expectations we had of others when we were kids.

but just like that man who encouraged the teenage girl not to give up hope, in this world of messiness sometimes we see people who are giving up. if there are nobody, if there is no help, maybe, we can show them that there are kind adults too. that there are true and sincere adults too. that although this world is messy sometimes, there is still something good they can hold on to. life is precious. but a life with no hope is like a clump of living flesh stuck to the skeleton.

there were some people who think i am a good christian. like many adults, i too am a fake. just that it so happened i put on the mask of a 'good christian' when they see me. we put masks. you too.

and i hope one day, i can put that away and be an adult that can meet my own childish expectations. i wish to be an adult such that using my own childish standards, i can give myself a pass, or maybe an A grade. and of course, an adult that God would give me an A grade too.