About Christianity

a few days ago, my computer was in a big mess. i downloaded some program on the internet, and wanted to install it. i read the comments people gave regarding the file, and the comments were all positive. no trojans, no viruses, whatever... so i downloaded it, and i forgot to scan it with my anti-virus software before running the file. and when i ran that file... a ton of viruses and trojans came out.

i was like, 'oh crap. not again...'

that thing totally messed up everything. anyway, since i am back here, it means the computer is fixed.

moral of the story?

if we are the computer, then sin is the viruses and the trojans. and who is the anti-virus? Jesus.

we are the computer, and as we socialize with the human world, we are like connecting to the internet. or rather, as long as we live, it is like we get connected to the internet. because we interact with people, with things, or with our inner-selves.

as long as we interact, sin is bound to come. just like how a computer gets connected to the internet, it is guaranteed that an attack will come. there is no avoiding it. even the best anti-virus program available to the market cannot handle all the viruses out there. the best anti-virus program also have to be updated regularly. for us, God is the perfect anti-sin solution. it is us who have to be updated regularly.

Jesus is the best way to counter sin. just like a computer without anti-virus program will be infected with virus, a godless person will be corrupted with sin. and without a God, the sin will keep piling up and eventually destroy a person. for a computer, we have the option of a master reset, a reformatting process. but for humans, this option is not available to us. we cannot say, 'God, we screwed up big. can you reset our lives and let everything start again?' no. we answer for our actions, and if we are found not to be fit for heaven, we go to hell.

just like what happened to me, i did a virus scan everyday. i scanned every single file i downloaded before i run them. but all it took was other people's assurance, as well as my own forgetfulness, that my system was infected and i i had to reformat my computer.

the same for us, we can walk with the Lord everyday, as we should. we should ask God to take away the sins in our lives and to point us the right way, so we know what is right and wrong and not deliberately sin. but we are humans. just like how other people's assurance that the program is virus and trojan free, it doesn't mean it is really true. the people out there may be liars. so whatever they say, the best way is to check it with God. the best way to make sure is to send the program for a scan.

i failed to scan it. and sometimes we fail to consult God. and the result is a whole lot of mess. sometimes, we deliberately sin. we think, 'never mind, it is only one time. i can go back afterwards.' i experienced it myself, there are sins that, if you do it one time, will send you straight down a path of sin. not all sins are like that, and not all viruses and trojans will cause a big mess. there are small sins and big sins. weak viruses can be removed easily. but we never know when a sin is big or small. all it need is one time for a sin to take root.

of course, regardless of whether it is a big or small sin, a sin is still a sin. a trojan will slow down your computer, a virus will cause system problems. whether it is a big sin such as rape or a small sin such as lying, a sin is still a sin. it affects the system, and it affects our lives. for big sins, there is no need be to explain. sooner or later, if left untouched, the system will crash and be left unusable. for small sins, we never know when that dormant virus in us will come out and screw us big.

if we have a virus in our computer, we usually run the anti-virus program. the same for us. if we have sins... i rephrase... we always have sins. so we always need to depend on Jesus, on God to take away our sins. and just like how anti-virus programs need to be updated, we always need to 'update' our relationship with God. by spending more time with God, we get closer to Him, and therefore keep renewing our protection from sin. we all will sin, one way or another, but God will always take it away, if we truly repent.

what if we don't update? it will result in backslide. we get further away from God, and the result is we are influenced by the world instead of God. if your program does not update, it cannot counter new viruses and trojans. for us, the sins out there... well i think are more or less fixed. if we don't 'update' we will be like standing on an escalator that goes the opposite direction. we will backslide and commit the very sins we used to be able to avoid.

God is the best solution to counter sin. and we should always update ourselves. sometimes, when we are careless, or wilful, sin enters our life. but as long as we are willing, God will always be able to take it away.

so, today, if you have sin in your life, ask God to take it away. if not, one day, your sin, whether big or small, will finally pile up and destroy the sytem that is your life. you only have one life. you cannot reset your life. your life is yours. why let sin control it?

'i don't know if this ending is fortunate or unfortunate (the term used here also has the meaning of 'happiness'), but i never regretted it. even when i became like this, he still let me stay by his side.'

these were the thoughts of a woman who abandoned her human form and was turned into a flame spirit when she died. after getting a fatal wound from the villian of the story, just before she died, she said, 'i don't want to be a pretty but short-lived flower. it does not matter if i am a bit uglier, if only i can always be with you.'

and her lover agreed and turn her into a flame spirit, which would later become a part of his power. in something like a 'contract' she burnt the face of her lover who indirectly but unintentionally caused her to lose her life. this woman would later go on and be known to the world as a horrifying but extremely strong power of the man.

yeapx, to those who know this story, and to those who did not, this story is a small part from 'flame of recca'. sorry i could not describe it properly... sometimes you really need to read the whole story yourself to get a better idea. (this is an excuse for my poor description)

so the once pretty woman, in order to be with her lover, stopped being a human and turned into a not so pretty flame spirit. the man, who also loved her, personally turned her into something non-human. i guess it wouldn't be very comforting to see someone you love become something else other than a human. this little story tells of the love between a couple and how much they were willing to go through in order to be with each other.

do you have someone you love? maybe your parents? family? spouse? lover? normal friends? i guess most of us have people who are important to us. but the thing is, how much do we love them? enough to die (i am not asking you to die)? how far are you prepared to go just to be with the one you love? or maybe, for those who have no one to love, and loved by no one, do you sometimes wish that you have someone to love? or someone to love you? i think we are all made to love and to be loved.

actually, in many senses (this sounds like stupid english), we are all like the woman.

like that woman, we have someone who loves us a lot. like how the man's love for her could not be matched by anyone else in the story, Jesus loves us more than anyone else in this world. even if the whole world dislikes you (for her it was fear), we are still loved, by the one person who matters to us most (by right He should matters most to you).

even when we became like this, He still keeps us by His side. we (the woman) used to be pretty, but as we grow older, we became more and more ugly. when we were kids and had a pure and innocent heart, we were beautiful. as we get more and more involved with the outside world, our hearts became corrupted and ugly. even so, even when we became like that, He loves us, enough to die for us so we can be at His side.

like how a 'convenant' or a 'contract' was exchanged when the man turned her into a flame spirit so she could continue to live on, we are also in a convenant with Christ when He shed His blood for us so we could live on. not in the sense to continue living on in this world, but to have life everlasting in heaven. the woman would later live within the man's body since her body was destroyed. what about us? sooner or later we would need to leave this world, or this world is going to be gone in due time. where would we live in? in heaven. we (the woman) were brought back to life so we can continue living.

the man had said, 'we will not be separated again, and be together forever.' can it be said of the same for us? i think it can, right? when we get to heaven, we can be together with the One who loves us the most, and the one we love the most (by right we should love Him the most).

those who know the story, you would have known that throughout the story the man had called out the woman many times to fight for him. you would also have known that the man did not need the woman in his fights, since other than his other skills, his original flame was not the woman. in the same way, God does not need us to carry out the work He gives us. nothing is impossible for Him, that's why He is God.

but why then, like the man, He choose to call us to work for Him? i guess (since i have no concrete proof), that in the same way the man wanted his beloved to fight and win together with him, our Lord wants us to work and to walk together with Him. when we work, we are depending on God, and we get closer and closer to Him.

many people were fearful of the man and the woman, because with undeniable strength and power they had won every single fight (at that point of the story). the woman was recognized as his power. and as we fight (the sins) and win (the sins, as well as the people whom we won over), people are able to see we too, like the woman, represent Christ in this world. like how the people recognized her as his power, we can also be seen as salt and light of the world, just as how we are supposed to be.

when the woman was killed, the impact on him was great. he began to hate the world and the people in it. when we know that Christ died, are we greatly affected? i don't mean to ask you to hate the world or act like some drama series where you have to cry or something. i mean, because He died for us, do you feel amazed? or that now you are actively trying to love others (even our enemies) because He loved us enough to die? most of the time, or practically all of the time, we treated this piece of information with as much importance as the weather forecast. i admit i am like that too. do we love people now with the same intensity as the man hated the world?

life is full of troubles. and sometimes we hear inspiring stories that motivates us. but we all know that during the making of an inspiring story, the process of actually going through it is not fun and enjoyable at all. sometimes it is so bad we want to give up, to lose hope, to not care about it anymore. but like how the man and the woman can win every single fight together, we too, can win together with the Lord.

'but i never regretted it.' the woman never regretted her decisions. sometimes there are people who regretted being a christian. life is hard sometimes right? i really have no proper advice to give to those who think that way. but if the woman did not regret her decision even when she was not sure if the ending for her was happiness or not, should we not even hold on to our decision more tightly when we know our ending?

unlike the woman, we need not question ourselves whether we are fortunate or not to choose this path of walking with the Lord. because we know the ending. because even when we became like this, He still let us stay by His side. that, is also a form of happiness.

note: this is the best i could recall of this post. i had written this before, but due to the server change, all data (blog posts, comments, pictures as well as my main site) from 12 & 13 october were wiped out. i felt i wrote better the first time round, since i knew what i wanted to write instead of doing the recalling like now. i'm sorry if this post sounds like crap.

among all the heroes in the story world, which one is your favorite? there are many of them. from the english comics we have spiderman, batman etc. from the japanese manga we have ichigo (bleach), narumi ayumu (spiral) etc. almost every story have their own heroes.

but of all the stories i read, i could only come up with 3 characters that i can say i think fits the description of a hero. they are not people who save the world, nor are they people who change the world. maybe i should start describing a bit more.

my favorite hero character for now (since i don't know what kind of characters will appear in the other stories i read in the future) is Toufuuin Saizou (getbackers). most of you would not know about this character.

this is one of the most tragic character in the story. anyway, this man, in order to save his best friend and his circle of very close friends, became a traitor and worked for the man who exterminated his clan. living away from his friends, without his family beside him, submitting to the person he hates and also being labelled as a traitor by the very people he tried to protect. the very person he wanted to protect ended up wanting to kill him. as he is a tragic character, he died, of course. the other 2 similar to his fate i guess would be uchiha itachi (naruto) protecting his brother and der kaiser (getbackers) protecting his wife and son.

this is all a story. but these are stories that made me think the depth of love people can actually have for others. it is not a normal hero character like kurosaki ichigo going around risking his life for the sake of saving a friend. it is not allen walker going around going against the most evil force to save the souls of demons. risking one's own life, or going through a lot of trouble for a friend, yes it is love for a friend. i don't deny that. i might not be able to do that.

i assume most of us have a best friend, or people whom we love, be it our family or our close circle of friends. how far would you go for them? risking your life? i thought many of us would. as you might already have known, what are the common characteristics my 3 heroes have that the others don't have?

the 3 of them had went through more than just simply risking their lives to save/protect the people they loved. it is one thing to risk your life for those whom you love, it is another to give up your life (although all 3 of them died in the end), get hated by the one whom you love and all the while still keep on trying to use your life for the very ones who try to kill you.

of course, this is all fiction. but i know of one real person like that. let's talk about it later.

so, if we say we love a person, if we say this girl/boy is my best friend, then how far are we willing to go to protect them? you know, we can say we don't mind risking our lives. but when the time comes, do we really feel that way? i have no idea. i cannot say things about what i have not experienced. afterall, talking is different from doing, as in talking is easier. how about being hated by the one whom you love? are you willing to go that far, suffer that much?

i am not saying we all need to go through that. this is just something i thought up of. because humans don't really say what they mean sometimes. i love you. but that love, is it just on the surface level? a little deeper? or is it so deep you want to protect it even if you have to go against the whole world? i don't know if you ever have this feeling (let's not talk about whether it is practical or mature or not, that is a debate by itself) - i don't mind if the whole world is against me because you are by my side. the love of one person outweighs the love the rest of the world can give. i guess it must be really painful to be misunderstood by that one person whose love is more important than the world right?

are we able to do that? or is someone willing to do that for us? i thought, and i thought. i don't think i am noble enough to even achieve that. stories are afterall too idealistic sometimes. there are just some authors who aimed to write a story to make people cry. (i am hoping to be like one of them, writing a good enough story to make people cry. hey, with this method, the more people cry, the more praises i get!)

have you noticed? yes, it is the Lord Jesus who did that for us. coming down from Heaven, to be a human when He can sit and enjoy life. He is one who came to save us, yet hated and killed by the very people He wanted to save. i don't know if He died with a smile on his face like the 3 heroes (i don't think He did), but the fact was He did not give up. it was not a one day affair. throughout the months and years, people don't like Him, yet He did not give up. up to the point where He was crucified and died, He asked for their forgiveness.

can you do that? no i am not asking you to do that. but one look at this 'job description' and i know i cannot. it is like saying, i am trying to protect you and save you, and you hate me and want to kill me?

sometimes i thought how life would be if it is idealistic like stories. and maybe, we do have some idealistic events in our lives. afterall, our life is somehow a story by itself. and we have a hero, like the other 3, who would go through anything to save us, no matter our reactions.

so, the 3 are my fictional heroes. and i have a real Hero in my life, though i admit i don't usually treat Him like one. i am not proud of it though. now, being up to you, would you want to accept this Hero into your life, knowing he loved you enough to die for you, knowing that the whole world against Him did not make His love for you decrease by one percentage point?

who is your hero? and who will your hero be?

a teenage boy was jumping off the top of the building. and as he fell another person jump out of the building too, to save him. the following conversation was also something i could not forget:

'why did you save me?'

'because if you die, everyone will be very sad.'

'in this city, who would be sad for someone like me, who don't even know his real name?'

'i will be sad for you, is that not enough?'

-------

is that familiar? again, this is taken from a story. one reason i love stories other than the fact it provides an escape to the reality we live in, is that authors, they really know how to write beautiful stories sometimes. which is also one of my goals, to write a beautiful story.

for the benefit to those who did not know about this particular story, the person who jumped out of the building to save that boy was his king. the king had jumped out to save his own man.

in our lives, we will make friends. some are temporary, some are longer. some are good friends. some are not.

there are those of us who make many friends. be it your looks, talents, characters etc, you have made friends wherever you go. some of us don't. wherever we go, people don't like us.

if there is a reason why you are an outcast, most probably the reason lies with you. the problem lying with you does not mean you are wrong. maybe the whole group is wrong. maybe you are wrong. well i am not here to talk about that. but what i can say is, most probably you will need to correct yourself to fit in. but if the group you are trying to fit in is up to no good, i suggest you remain an outcast.

because i don't like to talk to strangers, i made friends slower than most people. sometimes it happens that people all have friends and formed their own cliques, of course i am still alone. well i asked for it.

anyway, if you are alone, sometimes you looked at other people and you envy them. i guess friends are like shoes. you walk on the road you called life, or the chessboard you called life (which is of course not true, look at the post titled 'micromouse'. i explained that in detail), and sometimes it is hard to walk. with shoes, walking is easier. sometimes you feel you can keep on walking. without shoes, you get blisters, it is painful. it is hard and painful to walk, but it is not impossible to walk.

to those of you who don't have friends, be it because of others' prejudice or your own fault (at least correct it if you know it is your own fault), we sometimes imagine things. maybe if we die today, how many of the people we know (with the exception of our family) will cry for us? how many will be sad for us?

even if the whole world does not know you, even if the whole world does not feel sad for you, even if the whole world could do without you (erm for this it is almost true for everyone?), there is one who would feel sad for us. you guessed it. this is a christian blog. no matter how the topic spins, it always comes back to the same point.

yeapx, Jesus, our Lord, our King, our Friend will be sad for us. maybe i shall quote a Bible verse (first time i do that in this blog!). Isaiah 63:9: In all their distress he too was distressed, and the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old.

Like the story, we have a King who feels sad for us, who cares for us. our King is not a King who rules over us like slaves. our King knows us. maybe if you think you have no friend in this world, always remember you still have a Friend who knows everything about you. even if you have a whole lot of friends to make people jealous, there are things which we don't tell them. we all have a side we don't want people to know.

our Friend, He knows everything, whether you tell Him or not. maybe one day when you are sad, you can confide in Him, since He already knows everything and there is nothing you can hide from Him. lying would be pointless anyway, and i cannot imagine lying to God. maybe He would answer you during your confiding, or maybe He would choose to listen to you first. either way, He is always there for you. you just need to call Him. of course He is not your genie.

to those who don't have friends, to those who are lonely, to those who will be alone in the future, maybe life would be really hard to walk. really really hard. maybe one day we will be really sad. sad to the point where we don't wish to live. feeling pain to the point we wish we could give up anything to be free from it. i thought, if at that point, my King said to me, 'I will be sad for you, is that not enough?', i thought, i might be able to go on. He is not a King who only knows how to talk, He will provide a way out. please don't hope that you will be declared innocent if you murder a person.

when we walk the road we called life, it is great to have friends. if however, we don't have, just do remember you have a Friend who is your King. i don't know about you, but if it is me, i think it is more than enough when He feels sad for me. the Bible already said, He do feel sad for you.

'you are cruel. you gave her a hope that she could never reach. she would have been fine the way she was. but you came and gave her hope. if she never saw hope, she would have never known what is despair either.'

the above conversation, does it sound familiar to all of you visual novels fans (i am referring to fans who read VNs for their story and not for hentai only. for more details about VNs, go to my main site, games section)? if you do play VNs you would most likely come across this line.

i came across that few lines of conversation roughly 2 years ago when i was playing the game, and i could not get it out of my head even after so long. of course, i did not replicate word for word that conversation, since i depended on my memory from 2 years ago. regardless, the most important thing is that the main idea is still the same.

ok. so. what happened? this girl was suffering from many things since she was a kid, all the way till she grew up. a boy, without knowing fully her situation, gave her a hope that she could be free from her suffering. the girl had not held on to any hope, until that boy came and gave it to her. like the above said, it was a hope that she could never reach.

moral of the story? am i moving on to the moral of the story too fast? lolx. ok maybe i should say something more.

hope is cruel. this is the topic of my post. everyone knows, that we need hope to survive. he who has no hope has no purpose. he who has no hope cannot live life fully. we see people down and we give them hope. we see people struggle and we give them hope. correct? most of us do. but before we give them hope, maybe we ought to think a little bit more.

many people give others hope, even though they knew or maybe they knew not for certain that the hope can never come true, no matter how much he try, no matter how much he hope. for example, you tell a cancer patient that he would get better and recover. you tell a person whose beloved will wake up from a coma. maybe something near to us, you tell a person everything will be all right when you know it is not. familiar? very. i am sure most of you do that.

to give people hope knowing full well they cannot get it is not only cruel, it is downright irresponsible. you may think you do a good deed by giving people hope. you may think you helped him or her by giving her hope. but if you give a person an anticipation of something that will take more than a miracle to come true, then you are just deceiving yourself and the unlucky person. in the end, the one who suffer more would be the person you had encouraged.

or maybe, you give a person a hope that may be achieved through a lot of effort. but the thing is, you give him or her hope, and then you leave her alone. you did not help. all you did is to talk nice. if you give a person hope and leave him or her to struggle for her own, what is the use? you would be making him suffer more. the process may even backfire.

what does that makes us? hypocrites. again. i seemed to always use this word in my posts. i guess it must have become my favorite word. yes. talk and no action. talk without sparing a thought for others. talk and forget. we don't think of the consequences. he is down. we must encourage him. she is in despair. we must give her hope. so? what is the point if they had a hope they can never achieve? we cannot just talk, we must also pull them up. give them a reasonable hope. you don't tell a 4th stage cancer patient he will live on for a few more years. you don't tell the wife of a man who became a vegetable that he will wake up.

of course, i admit hope is neccessary for life. without hope there is no life. but what i want to say is, if you want to give people hope, give them the right kind of hope. a hope which can be attained. a hope which could drive them to move on, not to drive them into further despair. extreme example: you convinced the wife of a man in a coma that he will surely wake up. she believes you. the next day, he died. tell me, what would the wife feel? sad before you gave her hope. sadder after you gave it to her.

moral of the story? i think i got the moral and the main story mixed together in one lump. regardless, there is one hope we can always trust. that is Jesus Christ our Lord. because to Him, impossible is nothing (my favorite addidas phrase!). He will not give you the wrong kind of hope, and what He said, will happen, because He don't lie. Because He is not a hypocrite.

remember, hope is cruel, and the person who give the hope is a cruel and downright irresponsible hypocrite if he do not give the right kind of hope and drive people further down into despair. giving hope is not neccessary doing a good deed, giving the right kind of hope is. also, when you give people hope, it is for their sake, not for your own sake of 'oh i did a good deed today!' mentality.