About Christianity

'do you... detest adults? i used to be like you, detesting adults a lot when i was a child. they always tell lies, and only think about themselves, always wanting the children to go along with them... and would do bad things as if it was nothing! but, now i have become the adult i used to loathe. you are the same... you will become an adult one day. you cannot carry a doll forever, and dream about being together with peter pan. because this world does not have utopia...'

'there are many people who will come here (the shop). although there are bad guys whom you dislike alot and liars who come here, but there are also very nice adults. you are only 14 years old right? giving up on the world now, isn't that too early? after you met more people, maybe your thinking will change. furthermore, there are people here who will smile and cry for you. so, stay here...and try to change yourself.'

the above was part of a one-sided conversation between a man and a girl who was sexually abused by her step-father, and who had lost practically all hope in the world of reality, and adults.

being 21 this year, stepping into the world of adults, and putting behind the life of a child and teenager (but not my childishness), am i, joining the group of adults whom i used to dislike? many of us, or maybe most of us would have at one point or another really dislike adults. maybe the reasons why we felt like that can be more or less explained by the above conversation.

but as we grow up from a child to a teenager, and from a teenager to an adult, do we become the kind of adults we used to loathe? an adult who cares for nothing but himself. maybe, when we were a child, we did not know why some adults did what they did. maybe, they really have some reason for doing a particular bad thing. maybe at that time, they were doing things for a reason that our childish and naive mind could not perceive.

as we were growing up, we face more and more of the outside world. from school, to workplace and more. as we get more and more involved with this world, do we forget the kind of people we used to dislike? i remembered telling myself as a child, 'when i grow up, i wouldn't be like that. definately not.' i think you were also like that, right?

even before i officially hit the day of adulthood, i knew myself that i was getting closer and closer to the type of person i told myself i would never become. sometimes for our own benefits we harm other people. or we tell lies. we forced people to go our way, especially the weaker ones. we spare no thought for others. are you like that? i guess you are sometimes, right?

as adults, we have direct influences on childrens sometimes. i have a little sister 13 youngers than me, and when i think of how she looked at me, i am reminded of how i used to look at my parents. i remembered the things i don't like about my parents (such as forcing me to do something i don't like. of course at that time i did not put myself in my parents' shoes). and even though adults may have a reason for doing something, kids may not understand it. it is then the responsibility of me to help my sister see things in a different way. if you are a parent, i guess it is also one of your responsibility to think in the shoes of your child, because most likely your kid view you as how you viewed your parents.

if i have to describe my view of adults when i was a child, maybe i would say adults love only themselves and they were insincere. although that might be wrong, but it was nevertheless my thoughts when i was a kid. children would show care and concern for one another. they show genuine love for one another, instead of a fake love we are so used to. if today you measure yourself using the standard you set for adults as a child, the adult you, would you fail to meet the requirements?

let's not talk about the reasons why adults did what they did. from our point of view, we saw adults as liars, as self-centered people (of course we had no idea what these concepts were but we now know), as people who do not do what they preach. so, are we now becoming the kind of adults we used to dislike?

kids are naive, but that is also why they won't do what is wrong and do what is right. of course, they must first have the concept of what behavior is acceptable and what is not. when they do something wrong, such as lying, they feel guilty, and their words and actions would give them away. because they know it is wrong. what about us? i know i can lie quite well, because my concept of moral values has changed from 'right and wrong' to 'benefits and cost'. are you like that?

we are called to love our neighbors are we love ourselves. how many of us do that? sometimes we not only do not love them, we end up hating them, or maybe we do something harmful to them for our own benefits. be it big or small, it is still the same. loving your neighbor, this might be a commandment i could fulfil as a child, but i realized that i could not do it now. i have to struggle to not even dislike some people, let alone love them. but if it is the second most important commandment, we as christians would have to do it. you know you cannot do it, that's why we have to ask for help. ask help from God.

it is a very hard thing to be the model adult i used to set for others. even if we do not harm people, sometimes we sin deliberately. even if we know it is wrong, we sin. and we tell ourselves, God will forgive us. nobody is hurt. let's say you used God's name as an exclaimation of surprise, or maybe we lie too often, or sometimes we just judge people too quickly. gossip, despising others, curse and swear...etc. each of these sins do nothing to harm others directly, except maybe for gossip. these were the very traits we know were wrong yet we still do it. and sometimes as adults we expect children not to do wrong things and punishing them when they stepped over the line, when we ourselves intentionally cross it ourselves. what made us different is that maybe we can cover it better, or to give a better excuse.

i guess that's why Jesus wants us to have the heart of a child. a humble, true and sincere heart. an obedient heart. children obey adults, even when they do not set a good example. children don't do what is wrong if they can help it. children won't do bad things as if it were nothing.

like what the man said, there is no utopia here. many things are messed up. but we do have a future home we can look forward to. to heaven, where there is the perfect home. a place where they are no more messiness that makes people give up hope like that girl. a place where we can become adults that exceed our own expectations we had of others when we were kids.

but just like that man who encouraged the teenage girl not to give up hope, in this world of messiness sometimes we see people who are giving up. if there are nobody, if there is no help, maybe, we can show them that there are kind adults too. that there are true and sincere adults too. that although this world is messy sometimes, there is still something good they can hold on to. life is precious. but a life with no hope is like a clump of living flesh stuck to the skeleton.

there were some people who think i am a good christian. like many adults, i too am a fake. just that it so happened i put on the mask of a 'good christian' when they see me. we put masks. you too.

and i hope one day, i can put that away and be an adult that can meet my own childish expectations. i wish to be an adult such that using my own childish standards, i can give myself a pass, or maybe an A grade. and of course, an adult that God would give me an A grade too.

1 kid touch the other kid, either by accident or on purpose. the other kid touch him back. then the first kid touch the second kid back. it goes on. then one of them got impatient and started to use a bit more strength to 'touch' the other kid. and then it goes on, until they used all their strength, or maybe most of it. one of the kids would always lose. in every fight, there has to be someone who lose. but before that, they would hit each other really hard. why? because both of them wanted to be the last one who touch the other. both wanted to get the last touch.

is it applicable to adults? yes, at least that is what i think. i think, adults do that too. of course we don't touch other people and beat people up. well, at least most of us don't. one fine example. in the office. maybe this guy backstab another. then the victim got angry and backstab the unfriendly staff. this goes on. or maybe one woman gossip bad stuffs about another woman. she got angry and in turn do the same. this goes on.

of course, if you notice it, there are similarities between adults and children. both wanted to win and be the last to deal the final blow, be it just a touch, a knife in the back or others. the difference is, kids usually don't deal out blows that are so... heavy? and that after a while, they go back as friends. for adults, because the stakes are sometimes high, the ego and pride, and of course the seriousness of the situation, sometimes the whole relationship, be it friendship or not, is spoilt. adults do remember offences, unlike kids.

of course, if we get disturbed for no apparent reason, and because of it we are greatly affected, we have the tendency to strike back. that is the natural thing to do. maybe we lost something. maybe we suffer because of it. so we also strike back. and then it goes on. maybe i have no right to say this, but again, i am a hypocrite who don't do what i say, so just let me say. you decide on what you want to do.

i think, if we look at it another way, things might be better.

for example (i am going to use a simple analogy), A and B are both selling apples. suppose B want to sell more apples, and he spread a rumor that A sells bad apples. so customers go to B to buy apples. because of that A lost quite a fair bit of customers. so A spread a bad rumor about B too. B is now affected and he too spread an even badder (is this even correct english?) rumor about A. this goes on. both gets lesser and lesser customers. why? because both do not give good impressions.

this is what the normal case is. what if A do not strike back and decide to do something constructive?

supposed B already spread rumors and A gets lesser customers. instead of spreading another rumor about B, A works hard to convince customers that he sells good apples. he used the time to prove to others he too has good apples. through time, people will know A sells good apples and it was B who was doing something bad. A's business go up.

of course, if we compare this 2, the second choice is a better one. of course, A lose customers at first. he don't feel happy. who would? but instead of taking revenge, he did something constructive. first, compared to the first case, A in the second case did not end up losing more and more customers. secondly, compared to the first case, A might get back his old customers or even more.

of course, this is just a simple illustration. replace A with you and B with whoever is doing that to you. naturally, no human is insane enough to be happy when the other 'touch me first'. but, if we hit back, do we benefit. will the exchange be escalated to a point of no return and end up with both suffering heavy losses. if we don't hit back and do something to salvage our situation, although we might not be able to get back what we used to have. but at least, maybe we can stop our losses.

this is not to say we let person B go and do what he wants. in my opinion, if he is going to do harm to others, we should of course warn his 'victims' first. but we are not supposed to take revenge. God would know what to do to him. it would be not christian-like to take revenge. wrath might lead to hate, hate might lead to death. of course this is the extreme, but it is not to say it would not happen. constant conflict will lead us to not be able to forgive and love each other, and if we don't forgive and love each other, how can we say we are christians? how can we say we will get to heaven?

like i say, this is what i think. and i don't do what i say. sometimes i try, sometimes i don't. there is no need to flame me. i admit i am not as holy as i might look. see what i say if it makes sense and try it out. this is hard, but you have a God whom you can depend on, right? if He determines you need those apples which was taken from you, would He not provide you with them? if He determines the apples you had are harmful for you, maybe B is a man sent by God to save you. who knows? who can say?

but if the apples are maybe your spouse, your career, your family, your wealth, your health, then they might be a bit too much to handle. i have not experienced something that big before. i cannot say anything much, because to those who lose these things and more, i could not understand the suffering. all i can say is still to trust the Lord. because everything is under His control.

this is all i can say. trust God. and if people touch you, don't touch them back. it is not to say you obediently let B touch you again. you take measures against B, just don't take revenge. do i make sense?

as usual, if my blog post contradicts the Bible, email me.