About Christianity

I was wandering aimlessly
I kept searching, though I had no clues
Make the memories you gave me
Into a song to heal my heart

Without making promises
Without deciding what words to say
You held me--and then I was certain
We could never go back to those days

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wandering around aimlessly, without a goal. searching for something, yet had no clue. walking around aimlessly, perhaps, she too, like one of the many people, did not dare to dream again. why? obviously, from the above, she was hurt.

she looked back, and she saw happy memories. we all do look back when we are hurt, right? when we dare not look to the front, and when the present is too difficult, we do look back. and sometimes, we see happy memories. although i had said before that going back to our past and staying there do not help us at all, and instead was harmful, but, the happy memories can heal us.

like the girl said, make the memories she was given into a song to heal her heart. happy memories. they are proof that we once lived in happiness. and because we lived in happiness, we were able to have a true smile. sometimes, you might have discovered, that as we look through our memories, we were able to smile at our own recollections even in the most stressful of times, the most troubling of times. it seems, happiness is not only contagious to those around you, their impact is so great they can come out from the past to bring a smile to your current unhappy face.

why can looking at past memories heal our heart? i don't mean for you to stay and drown in the happy memories and never take a step forward again. that would be harmful.

as we look back and see those times we treasured, we are reminded once again, that maybe, even though we lost the time and could never get it back, we are still able to reach out and grab the happiness waiting for us further ahead of life's road. maybe, we are reminded that we can still live in bliss, instead of the gloomy and dark state we are currently in. maybe, as we look back, and our hearts get lightened up a bit, we find ourselves with the strength to face the reality, and to continue to walk forwards.

the girl had a special someone. and when she was down, he had held her. not saying anything, not promising anything. simply being with her, simply, hugging her. sometimes actions really do worth more than words. just being there is proof to the person that she is important enough that you are willing to spend time with her. hugging her, giving her the comfort she needed, i guess, that means a lot. of course, don't go round hugging girls you are not familiar with. don't ask for trouble.

promises can be broken, and words could be insincere. if you say something, who knows, maybe she may think you are just consoling her and none of the words are true. who knows, maybe if you make a promise, and you cannot keep it, she would think you are just insincere about the whole thing. so, if it is not neccessary, don't say any words if you don't mean it. don't make promises that might get broken. i don't know. maybe the situation demands that you make a promise. maybe, the situation demands that you say something. in that case, as we are all capable of, make your own judgement.

the guy, had gently reminded the woman, that she was not able to go back to those days. those days of her past when she was happy. those days when she felt joy, bliss and happiness. not that she could not experience these emotions again anymore in the future. but that the past is over, and it is gone. gently reminding her that the past is over, and to look over to the future. this, was what the man had did for her.

if we are walking aimlessly, without a goal, not knowing anything anymore, maybe, try to look back at your memories. the happy ones. and then, maybe you will find a source of healing. if you have friends who are hurt, if you can, be with her. there will be no need to promise anything. no need to say anything. being with her, gently reminding her that the future is still bright, that there is a road ahead for her to go on. there are happy memories, but in the end, they are still memories. we can take out and look at them, but not live in them.

and so, with a sincere heart, without even opening our mouths, we can actually help another person to get up on her feet again and walk towards the future.

of course this post is generally meant for those people with normal troubles. extreme problems, well i have not experienced them yet. can't really say much.

just like that, on the first day of february, shiki and i walked on the path in the night. that really was not unusual, just like a scene of our normal lives. ...but when i think back later, that was also undoubtedly the last day kokutou mikiya looked at ryogi shiki.

ever since i was a kid, i already knew the possibility of seeing someone for the last time. at that time, if i am not wrong, i was no more than 10 years old. maybe 8, maybe 9. i forgot. i don't know about you, but at that time i knew, that whenever i say goodbye to someone else, that really might be the last goodbye i will ever say.

in our lives, we have people who walk the same path as us. our family, our friends, our beloved, and God. they are a big part of our lives, and in a way, they are indispensible. but just as i mentioned before (in my previous post titled 'roads'), that everyone has a different path to walk. one day, sooner or later, we will have to split up with them, the only exception being God.

because everyone has a different road to walk, it will be impossible to walk with each other all the way. some of us took a turn to other places, some of us has a very short road. then, have you ever wondered, what would happen, if someone close to you no longer appear in front of you again?

for some of us, we were given the grace to know how much longer will a person stay with us. for some of us, it comes without warning. suddenly, you realize the person who was walking beside you earlier on will never walk with you again. or maybe, for a very long time now, you know that someone will no longer walk with you when his or her path goes into the direction you cannot go yet. or maybe, you will be going along a road that they cannot walk. not that a person has to die, but sometimes, friends do go very different paths, so different that it would be almost impossible to keep in contact again.

although i had always known that when i say goodbye to a person, that might be the last time i am doing that, the fact that when it actually happened, you realize you could never prepare enough. because sometimes you don't know who it will be, and when it will be. and sometimes, the fact that even though you have a countdown to that day, when the day comes, you might have realize that no matter what you do, you cannot prepare enough. maybe it would no longer come as a surprise, but still, it was as if all the preparations you had made were just for the sake of giving youself a better self-control when the time comes.

oh well, maybe it is just me.

there are special moments in my life which i spent with some people, be it with a particular friend, or a group of friends, or family. because time will not repeat, or maybe you will never get another chance again, i tend to want to treasure the moments i spend with people around me. sometimes consciously, sometimes not. but in the end, i will remember them. of course, i don't show it out. it will be crazy to do that.

not that maybe someone is going to leave you, it is sometimes you know you are going to leave other people. that when the time comes, the goodbye or the smile you give will be the last. again, not that you have to die.

so, whenever i can, i will try to remember bits and pieces of memories i share together with those important to me. maybe, if i am walking along the streets with a very special friend, i would want to remember the conversation we talked about, the scenery around us, and most importantly, the feeling i had when i am with this friend. or maybe, i would want to keep in my memories this group of friends whom i always hang out with, and remember their lame jokes, and not forgetting their habits and actions. maybe remembering all the different kinds of expressions of a particular person would also be another way of doing it.

and little by little, storing them in the brain, hoping that one day, when you really have to leave them, when you cannot see them anymore, you would have this treasured memories. of course, we have cameras, we have technology. but photographs cannot replace memories, especially in a situation where there would be no more contact. photographs can only aid you in remembering. because ultimately, it is memories that have feelings attached to them. and the jpeg file from technology only aids in your memory recall. and sometimes, people don't take pictures.

and one day, when you take your memories out of your brain to see, you would have known that you share those special moments of your life with your friends, or your family, or a particular person whom you love.

like mikiya and shiki, the last time you see each other might just be a normal day (or night), in a scene not so different from your everyday life. so maybe, when you hear each other's voice, you would want to remember how it sounds like. maybe, when you see each other, you would want to remember how s/he looks like. remember the smile, remember the angry expression, the sad emotion, the irritated face..etc. in this case, the story applies to 2 lovers. but in real life, we can apply to family, friends and of course, lovers.

if today, everyone suddenly disappear on you, or you disappear from everyone else, walking on a road nobody else can go, of the many people you know, whose memory do you want to keep? maybe it is just one person's memory, maybe it is a group. be it family, friends, or your lover. maybe you would want to start keeping those memories.

not that i am cursing you or being pessismistic, but sometimes reality don't give us a countdown. or maybe, we don't want to know about the countdown.

i don't know about you, but for me, when the countdown finally hits 0, i want to be able to remember special moments of my life, that i once walked down the road with my friend(s).

maybe, one day, after a long long time, you would forget how the person who walked besides you looks like. or maybe, you would forget how that person sounds like. you might even forget how that person feels like when you touched him/her. but at least, if bit by bit you store your memories away and treasure them, despite memory decay, you would have known, that during a part of your life, you once walked with this person before. that once, along a road not so different from the everyday lives, in a reality not too different from the rest of the people, you spent that special moments with this important person in your life.

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this post has nothing to do with christianity. i only wrote it in a moment of impulse. and halfway through, an unexpected interruption disturbed my flow. and hence it resulted in a not very smooth flow of the story, which made me kind of unhappy at myself when i read what i wrote. rubbish article, and the flow looked like trash.

the above paragraph is just an excuse for myself...

according to an article i read, it said that the number of friends one can have is limited. that is because to maintain a friendship one need to put in time and effort. and there is only so much time and effort we can spare for friends. fair enough.

today, i talked to my friend whom i did not talk to for a long long time. i never met her. years ago, i just got this request from msn that she wanted to add me to her list. as it turned out, she did not request to add me in the first place. but then, we decided to be friends. seemed like we decided to make use of that error in the system to make a new friend.

of course we had talked, not often, but enough to maintain a relationship. then after one day of a normal conversation, we stopped talking to each other. still i had not met her yet, even though we live pretty near to each other. yes very near, maybe an hour's travel. and we didn't know how each other look like. both of us don't have the habit of putting our photos up online. yea, for some reason we just stopped talking. we did not quarrel, and there were no arguements. perhaps we were just waiting for each other to talk to us. she did clear her msn list, and so i did to my own list as well. i don't know why, but she kept me in her list, and i kept her in mine.

today, i decided to talk to her. i had wanted to do so for a few months now, but didn't really had the chance. it was a pretty pleasant conversation. she remembered what our last conversation was about. you might know what your friend said to you the last time you all talk. but to me, that was amazing. because, thinking back, we had not talked for....6 years. yes. we had never met, never really improved our friendship to a very close level, but she remembered our last conversation 6 years ago.

of course, i was happy. she not only remembered me, she remembered what we talked about. and for me, i did remember what we talk about too. the memory God gave us is such a wonderful thing isn't it? i cannot remember all the formulas i need to remember for my exams, but i can remember things like this. stuffs like this may not help me pass my exams, but to me, they are more important than the formulas and the theories.

i told her i will talk to her again soon, because she had to go off after around 2 hours or so. i told her, this time, it will not be 6 years. she too, agreed that. i don't know how you feel after reading this. but for me, my mood have been pretty good because of this. i had found back a friend. and i hope that our friendship will be better. we might never meet, we might never know how each other look like. but does that matter? to you it might, but to me it does not. friendship is not based on appearances, it is based on how much both of us are willing to put in the effort. it is based on trust. i have no idea how much closer we will get, but i hope it will be much better than now. perhaps after dropping from friends to aquantainces, we might become friends once again. it had been 6 years. she told me time is rather unforgiving. how true.

moral of the story? i had 'gained' back another friend. what about you? do you have hurts from previous friends? or did you simply stopped talking to them? if you have, if someone pop up in your mind, don't hesitate to drop them a message. call them. patch up with them. renew your friendship. friendship is an amazing thing. don't delay it. who knows? tomorrow she may not be there anymore. tomorrow you might not be around anymore. no, i am not cursing you. but don't let a moment of laziness make you regret the rest of your life. i am lucky. i got her back after 6 years. what about you? will you gain your friend back?