About Christianity

so far i have did a lot of preaching which i myself don't do. and in many posts i have shared my knowledge about christianity which i thought may help. of course some were pretty lame. but i guess it was my mood at that time. well, that was an excuse for lousy writing.

i have not written for some time, and that is because a major event happened in my life. well, it was major, considering that i am just a spoilt human living in a decently and peaceful, blissful and happy environment. and yes, you can be 100% sure add another 200% confirmation that this paragraph is only an excuse as to why i did not blog for so long.

and oh yeah, you do know i lost my database right? so that many posts are lost.

ok let's start.

someone once told me before, that when we started off, we believe that God will solve our troubles and deliver us. which means, if we follow God and do what He said, our troubles will be gone. that is faith level 1. fair enough?

faith level 2: if you follow God and do what He says, you are going to get into trouble. of course, He is not going to ask you to commit murder, rape, robbery or whatever nonsense. it is just, that path you will be going will be hard.

3 years ago, i started walking a path that would turn out to be very hard. you should know by now, i don't talk anything important about my life on my blogs, but for this i am going to give a rough idea of how it was like. because, this is my testimony of my christian life. there will be little preaching. i talk about my life, and you evaluate your own.

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i always heard that God has planned everything, and that everything goes according to His will. it is one thing to know, but it is totally another to have experienced that in your own life, to see him working. for this particular thing, it took 3 years.

if the maturity of a human ranges from level 1 to 10, with 1 being absolutely immature, i guess i am at level 2 now. when i was at level 1, i thought, 'hey, that path is hard.'

i never would have thought that, God would lead me to that very path i thought was hard. at first, i did not know it was His will. i thought what many others thought: circumstances.

as i walked, it was difficult at first. but i managed to get used to it. i walked further, and it got just a little harder, and harder, and harder. i still did not know it. and one day, i was on the verge of collapse. not physically, but mentally. the kind of thing when you said, 'heh, i really don't care about anything anymore.'

well, maybe you are thinking that i am making a big fuss out of a small thing. but like i said, i am only at maturity level 2. so let me say what i want to say. at that time, i thought, why do i have to walk this road?

i saw some people around me complaining that a particular path they walked was hard. at that time, even though i did not say it, i thought, 'you have no idea how much i would give to be like you. don't complain for every tiny thing.' because, if his/her path difficulty level was at level 1, mine was already at level 2.

when everything was over, i had this realization. that a long long time ago, i looked and said, 'hey this path is hard!' how, did i make it so far? and the answer came to me. yeah, because God was there helping me all this time.

back to what i was saying, i was very tired at that time, when i found that this path that i was walking was simply crazy. there are some personal friends and closer friends of mine who knew exactly what i was doing. the comments i got were, 'crazy', 'extreme'. that gives you an idea i was doing no other sane humans were doing. i rephrase, i was doing what usually people do not do.

at that time, there was one more year to go. one more year and my normal life would be given back to me. i had already, put in 2 years of time, and effort, and i sacrificed a lot of things. and i mean, a lot, to me.

but that 3 years, one year harder than the next, was too much for me. by the time i realized it was God's plan, i was into the third year. late, huh? talk about being retarded.

retarded = me

i said, 'i want out'. i knew that choosing the 'out' option was easier. and i would sacrifice even more things. but at that time, i already knew i had reached my limit. by the second and a half year, i had already started to give up. but God made me stayed on track. at that time, it may seemed like, 'What the... (fill in the last word yourself)'.

but now, when i look back, it was mercy and grace from God.

half more year to go, i told God, 'choose for me. i cannot decide.'

and yeah, you guessed it, i was given the 'continue that road' option. and i thought: this last half year is going to be more tough than the rest of the 2.5 years i had gone through. and i really meant it. i had totally no idea how i was going to make it. i emphasize here, going ahead means only one thing: to throw in the rest of whatever i have. the stakes just rose again.

and yeah, you are thinking, what drama am i talking about? everything seems so dramatic. but this, is my life.

that act of continuing, i guess i was demonstrating fath level 2. knowing that walking down that path even more was going to be trouble, i still walked it because God asked me to. and yeah, i experienced a series of miracles. He sent people to help me. He gave me strength to continue. and, even the circumstances were in my favor.

and you are thinking now: didn't you say last time not to treat God as your genie?

yeah, i did say that. God is God, and not our genie. at that time i was really desperate, and God was the only one who could help me. and yeah, i asked him for what was good to have but not neccessary to have. i mean, although stakes were high, i won't die if i didn't make it.

maybe, i should reflect on myself for that.

and now, i made past that last half year. i have, successfully completed this past 3 years.

these were what i have sacrificed:
time
effort
got a lot of stress
3 years of enjoyment in exchange for 3 years of... (fill in the blanks. find something negative)

this are what i have gained:
important and close friends
increased faith
strength to go where others could not (and i dare to say this with conviction. out of 10, roughly only 1 or 2 can make it to where i am today. this, i dare to say. oh well, maybe i am just being cocky)

there are many other things i have gained, but these are what i can remember for now.

really, i never experienced that many miracles, went through so many ups and downs before. in the end, even though i envied many of the 'ordinary lives', perhaps, others are envious of me too.