About Christianity

'i... i wanted to go to school with everyone... but i could not...'

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when tsukishiro hikari said that line, even though the concept behind it is kind of cliche, i could not help but want to make a post out of it. yes, the idea behind what she said is cliche, in fact it had been used so many times that people probably got tired of it. well, even for cliche, there will still be people hearing it for that first time, right? so, this post is dedicated to those who have not heard of this idea before. the idea that an ordinary life, a normal life, is in fact happiness.

you know, i used to think a simple life is meant for the weak, for those who don't have ambition, for those who are easily contented. not that i have no ambition now, but that maybe i am more contented with my life more than the past.

an ordinary life does not mean it is an unconstructive life. a normal life doesn't mean your existence is neglected. now that when i think about it, the reason why i used to want to go so far up was that i wanted to be recognized, to stand above everyone and get their attention. but, that's not the point of life, right? or that is what i think in my opinion.

taking things for granted - this is something all of us, i think, are guilty of doing. is it wrong? no idea. if we are taking things for granted, should we change our behavior? i thought so. because, by doing that, we are not appreciating the things we have, the people around us, what we are given and how blessed we are.

you know, living a normal life in a city, i grew up to be not very different from others. i go to school, and go to work. i worry about exams, about finance. i got irritated over little things sometimes, and i get angry when i quarrel with my sister. i am happy that i have friends, and i am sad when my friends have to leave. i got depressed over romantic relationships (that was in the past! since i am single now), and i have trouble thinking about the future. this, is what many of us face. it is common. it is not extraordinary. our problems are not huge problems nor would it make an impact on the world, but nevertheless it is our problems and we are affected.

our life, i bet someone out there, maybe in sudan, or iraq would gladly trade their lives with ours. to get our kind of life. even in the city where we live, maybe, there are someone who would gladly have our lives too, multiply our problems 10 times over. why? because the burden they are carrying is much heavier.

to us, our problems are huge. i admit that. i think that too sometimes, when i face a problem i cannot cope. it is true some people would want our lives, but it doens't mean our paths are easy to walk, it just means theirs is a much more difficult road.

there are people, like hikari, who wanted so much to go to school, to grow up normally, fall in love and die. a simple life. a normal life. a simple wish. an impossible wish for her which we are experiencing everyday. what is normal and plain to us is an impossible wish for her.

life is unfair sometimes, right? well maybe i am not in any position to say such things since i have not lived life long enough to understand a lot of things, nor do i understand the workings and mechanics of this world. but, an ordinary life, is it so bad?

honestly, i used to think an ordinary life is very bad. i do not want to live life normally and die normally. i wanted to be remembered. even when i am gone 100 years, people would still remember me. that's the kind of life i wanted. but, that kind of life, is that really neccessary?

an ordinary life, or maybe a plain life, is the life of many humans. many of us will not be the world's greatest people. historians will most probably not quote us what we said during our lives. newspapers would probably only feature us on the obituary page. although we try very hard to be successful, we sometimes don't get satisfied. because out of the 4 billion people on earth, only one person can be the top. to be the top, you need to take down 4 billion people, whether in terms of riches, or fame, or skills.

is there a need? i thought not, unless God tells you otherwise. i thought, if we are content with our ordinary life, our plain life, then maybe in a way that is happiness. i am not saying we should stop going forwards or striving. of course we do. but maybe, we don't treat it as that important anymore. afterall, the people around us, what we have, those are the important things.

because if we lose all of them, we might never get it back. hikari lost her family and her friends, and from then on her life as a normal human was changed forever, all the way till just before the day she died. 3 days before her death, she experienced what a normal human goes through. going to class, having a meal with a loved one, strolling in the park...etc. these are extremely ordinary. but to her, and maybe to those who are really suffering in the world right now, they would really be wishing for this kind of life. a normal life. a peaceful life. a happy life. a life where they can use what they have and be with the people they love.

'so this evening, we will meet at the park. but i will purposely be a little late, just like a normal girl, so be sure to wait for me, ok?'

that was what yuka said (another person from another story, and the quote was based from my memory since i am too lazy to dig out the exact words) to her boyfriend. the need for her to live a normal life was so great that she was trying to do every normal thing a human does.

sometimes, we treat a normal life with contempt. i did that. but i thought, as we rush forwards in life, we stop, and appreciate our normal life, and treasure what we have, then, maybe, we can be happier. afterall, our kind of life is happiness in itself.

to get irritated over little things, to laugh at a lame joke, to cry at a drama series, to get angry over an offending word, to worry over exams, to get pissed off by the boss - this, isn't it a form of happiness? because out there in the world, there are many people who looked at us with envy and said, 'this is the kind of life i wanted.'

because we have a normal life, we can have an ordinary happiness. and then as our lives end, we can smile and say, 'i think i did a lot of embarrassing things and a lot of lame things, as well as stupid stuffs, but i guess i did not regret it. because i have found happiness.'

of all the manga i read, love hina is the only odd one out. it is the only comedy-based manga i read. i usually don't like comedy. i prefer more action, and tragic stories. my friend once recommended me love hina, and said it was very nice. i had my doubts at first, but i listened to his advice. and when i read it, i realized that i got addicted to it very fast.

why did i continue reading even though i usually don't like comedies? why did i not stop reading it even though it is full of 'lame' actions and no proper fighting? i don't know why. but i know i continued to read, all the way till the end. and the end was something i could never forget. it was not a very dramatic ending. maybe it was an ending you could have expected. no great twists, no great shocks. but still, it was an ending i could not forget. i don't know why, but at that time i felt something stirred in my heart that says, 'i want to be like that.' like what? i don't know. seriously, i don't know.

and then a few years later, which is today, i found out why. the friend who recommended me love hina had asked me to send him the song 'winter wish' because he lost that song. winter wish, although a bit old, is still a very nice slow song that i just could not get tired of. and he reminded me once again of love hina, since winter wish is a song for that anime. so today, i went to revisit love hina again. and then, a few years later after i read the manga, i found out what kept me from putting down the book.

the story of love hina took place in a very ordinary setting (except for the flying turtle) with ordinary people having ordinary dreams. nothing special about it. a bunch of people around, working for the thing they wanted, and well, they failed. hahax. until the very end.

essentially it was a bunch of 'failures' who got together to work for their own goal or to run away from their troubles. they were not successful people whom others would want to model after. yet in their lives, despite their hardwork and the seemingly very hard-to-reach goal, they were still able to enjoy the life they had. enjoy it with their important friends. and they had fun. sometimes when we read the manga, we actually focused on the fun they had instead of their troubles and their hard work.

and again, the 2 main characters failed to reach their goal which is to get into tokyo university. and they tried again, after allowing themselves to emo for a bit. and finally they got hold of their goal.

this is a very ordinary story. perhaps so ordinary that we might see ourselves in it. life has problems. and life is full of crap sometimes. everyone fails at one point or another. most of us are ordinary people. people who fail, people who run away from troubles. but at the same time we have people close to us and to support us.

in our ordinary life, despite wanting to be like them, to smile and have fun despite life's troubles, we thought that would be too idealistic. if we have time to play, we would have time to work harder right? i don't know. maybe. maybe not. in our simple life, we might think this ordinary story may be too idealistic for us. not all who work can reach their goals. not all the troubles can be cast away that easily, or solved just by working hard. and lastly, not all dreams could be fulfilled.

it is nice to keep a dream. it is nice to have a dream fulfilled. but reality is not so nice. reality sucks. but despite that, we are still living in reality. reality doesn't always offer us such nice friends, such nice endings.

and then i had realized, in my ordinary realistic life, i had envied and wished to be like the characters in an ordinary story world. to have a dream to work for, to have friends that close, and finally to see my dream fulfilled and get a happy ending.

after nearly 3 years, then i realized that. what a long time. to think it took me so long to realize what was wrong with me. it is a problem which not only i had, but i realized many others had. we have given up dreaming, rejected people when they came too close to us, and we stopped believing that our dreams will come true if we work for it.

did i make a post about this before? i felt that i had. but i cannot remember it now. oh well, if i made such a post before, then just take it as i am a broken record repeating myself.

sometimes we give up dreaming because of the failures. failure in going towards the goal not suited for us. it is tragic. we are going towards a goal that is not meant for us, and when we fail too much, we give up dreaming.

maybe, we should just ask God. what kind of life is suited for us? He created us differently. and i am sure our dreams will be something we like, and not because God says so. so, if we ask Him, and let Him guide us, we will one day find a dream that truly belongs to us. a dream that we can achieve if we work for it.

do we want friends? we have friends. but at the same time we stop them from coming too close. we are scared. maybe i am scared. or rather, maybe we just want to try to act as though we are a tragic character. who knows?

God is a friend we can let Him come close. a friend we can trust. the closeness of our bond depends on us. and if we want, we can have bonds closer than those characters in love hina whom we (or i) envy. and slowly, He will help us to trust in people once again. and then we have friends of this world whom we can walk with, laugh with, work with...etc.

in our ordinary life, we have given up a lot of things that was ordinary. dreams, trust and hope. in the 3d ordinary life, 2d ordinary life seemed so idealistic. 2d ordinary life seemed so hard to achieve, as if it is a goal we can never reach. everyone is walking on the road of reality, not knowing each other is just like him, admiring the people and wishing to be like those 2d characters. this is a joke that is not even funny.

maybe, we are just lost in the dark. and those who come near us we treat them as danger, because we cannot see. so today, ask God to light up your path, and ask Him to direct you. so that we can see our dreams. so that we can believe our dreams can come true. so that we can see not all who come near us are dangerous. so that we will have someone to walk with us. and finally, so that we can smile and laugh and enjoy life even in the midst of trying hard like those characters, because God is with us.

today, pray and ask God to lead you to your dream, to light up your path so you can see. and then, believe in God as He leads you to the dream meant for you.