About Christianity

'please take a look at the water tank! inside there are many fishes of strange shapes.'

'deep sea fishes... are they deep sea fishes?'

'correct. under normal conditions we should not be able to see them. the ocean is separated into layers by their big difference in temperatures. the above is called the surface, the bottom is called the deep sea ( this is an over-simplication of the simplication of sea level categories). for every increase of 10m of depth of the sea, the atmospheric pressure increase by 1. in the deepest part of the ocean, for every 1cm squre there is an increase in 1 ton of pressure. hence organisms living in the deep sea are very special. the world that never saw the light - other than that, they have no other places they could live in. they could only live there, just like me. (erm, i am bad at this. if i say anything scientifically wrong please pardon me.)

is school life fun, recca? there are many friends there. what are your favorite tv programs? who are your favorite artiste? are you in a relationship? all of you live on the surface, fishes that swim freely. the world i live in - even plants, swimming organisms cannot even survive there. to live, they can only eat the corpses of other fishes. fishes that cannot even swim up to the surface even if they want it.

the world mori-sama (name of a person. -sama is a form of addressing a person of higher level respectfully) wants to create... is to turn the surface just like the pitch-black deep sea. a world that no other organisms other than deep sea fishes can live! mori-sama created for me, a world that i could also live in.'

'i will not let you do whatever you want to do. that is not the world we want. we are free.'

'freedom? i also want it very much. but it is too late! fishes who even forgot how to swim, it is already -- '

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ok the above conversation sounded a bit lame. it is supposed to be a sad story. but because of lack of space i cut it out and took out the important parts. so, here we go...

deep sea fishes. in the human world, there are people like that. like what the person said, most of us are fishes living on the surface. swimming freely, experiencing life the normal way. and there are people, like the deep fishes, live in the pitch-black world of despair. a world with no light and hope.

i think, for those of us who live in the surface, we would definately not be able to fully understand the feelings of those who live in the deep sea, those who were not able to see any hope, those who could only see despair and darkness around... and finally those, who lost the ability to see hope (fishes who forgot how to swim).

for a human, hope is the driving factor for us to move forwards. a person may not have love, but he can have hope. and as long as a person has hope, be it good or bad, moral or not, he is able to move on. it doesn't matter what the person is hoping for, as long as there is hope, a person can walk forwards.

a person who lost hope, he cannot walk forwards. like the fish which forgot how to swim, he is unable to go forwards too, unable to go to a world where there is light. there are many people like that. well we ignore those people who love to dramatize things and make it as if their whole world collapsed when there is a little problem in their lives.

like that person who wanted freedom but was not able to get it, there are people who wanted to go on to the surface, but do not know how, or that they could not. i cannot imagine how a person can live through life like that. but the fact is, there are people like that. oh man, i keep repeating myself.

do you know people around you who are like that? a person who lost all hope may not look like it on the surface. afterall, humans are fantastic actors on the stage called 'life'. all humans belong to the surface, yet it is tragic that some are in the deep sea. some are born into that world, some are pulled down by the others...etc.

one may be down, but as long as he can still see hope and work for the future, he is one who live on the surface. maybe the part of the surface where it is near the deep sea, but nevertheless still on the surface. those who live in the deep sea can never come up again on their own. because they had lost the will and not see the hope. if left alone they will continue to stay there. at least, that is what i think.

what can we, the fishes on the surface do? because we see the light, because we can see the hope, we know there is a future for them to go. because we have experienced it ourselves. and then, the only thing we can do, is to help them out of that pitch-black world. bring them into our world. maybe, their problems are too big for us to help. maybe, we can do nothing 'practical' to help them. but as christians, the least we could do, is to pray.

prayer cost you nothing, maybe your time used for praying. but if prayers can help a person and bring him up to the surface where there is light, isn't that little time spent worth it? we may not be able to help, but we know God can. He wants us to live life to the fullest, and if we by ourselves cannot help others, then we can ask God to help, or ask Him to help us help them.

talk is easy right? i thought so too. afterall, if it is that easy, the deep sea fishes would not exist in the first place. maybe we can put it this way: if we help, maybe there is a chance to pull that struggling person out. but if we don't, then that person will stay there. life is meant to be filled with all sorts of emotions - anger, happiness, sadness, frustrations, hope, despair, depression...etc. but if one only has the negative of the emotions, then he is not living life.

there are many deep sea fishes. we may not know who they are. but at least, as christians, if you have the time, pray for these people. it doesn't require much of your time and effort. just a minute a day praying for them. out of all the 24 hours a day, 60 minutes an hour, using one tiny minute should not hurt a lot.

and also because, the reason why you got through all the hardships of your life and attain your peaceful life on the surface, other than your own hardwork, may be also because out there in the sea, another surface fish once prayed for your happiness.

1 minute a day... it is not too much right?

there are many things in life that would make us envy others, because there are a lot of things others have that we do not have. maybe, you would like to have a more fun childhood compared to what you had. maybe, you want to have a girl/boyfriend when you are the only one in your group of friends who is still single. maybe, you just want to be rich. or cool. or smart. or sporty. or just have a normal healthy body.

there are a lot of things i want which others have, and yet i do not have. sometimes you think life is unfair. why must i be poor when others are rich? or maybe why must i be the one who is not cool or smart enough? or maybe, why must i be the one getting an illness when all the others have a healthy body? are these some of the questions you asked yourself?

everyone has different things. true, compared to some others we might really feel inferior. what i have she also has. what i don't have, she has it. but i think, and although sometimes i envy others, we were not meant to be the same as others. God creates every individual differently. He made us all unique. no 2 people on earth has the same DNA or fingerprint. no 2 people has exactly the same looks. even twins look different. so, similiarly, no 2 people would have exactly the same things. because, if life is to be thoroughly fair, God would have created 4 billion Mr or Miss X instead of 4 billion different people. of course, if you want me to show you proof from The Holy Bible, i do not have it. you see what i say and decide for yourself if i am wrong.

so we see some people who look like they have everything. although i am working, i am still technically a student. so i will give an example from a student perspective. a common perspective. for example: Miss X is pretty, smart, atheletic, popular, rich and there are tons of people who want to make friends with her. on the other hand, Miss Y looks ordinary, is not too smart, not very outdoor person, low profile and just a poor girl. this is not an exaggerated example. in every school there will always be this kind of people. always. well, at least in schools in my country.

so, if i have to say, i would say i belong to the Miss Y group. last time i used to envy others. maybe a little jealous. nothing you can do. if you are not born smart, you cannot make yourself get smarter. you can only get better grades by working harder. if you are not pretty, you cannot get pretty unless you have a huge makeover. but i believe there are other things Miss Y has that Miss X do not have. maybe, the friends around Miss X were just superficial friends, because she is pretty and popular and everyone wants to be with her. maybe, Miss Y friends were true friends, because even though she had nothing to boast about, her friends did not mind. this is just an example. it may not neccessary be true.

so, yes, we have many things we want yet cannot get. girls might not get the smartest boyfriend on earth. guys may not get the sexiest and prettiest girl on earth. you look at others and you dream to be like them. so, in the end, i think we are just wasting our time thinking this kind of thing. God has everything planned out for us. what He meant for us will be for us. what He does not meant to give us, we will not get it. yes, we should work for the things we want. but, if my aim is to get a smart boyfriend or a pretty girlfriend, or to be as smart as my friend or as cool as my peers just because all the others have, i think we are wasting our time.

because everyone is made differently, has a different purpose in life, and therefore the things we get and have are also different. of course, if i live in a war zone, i too would have hope for peace. i too would have dream a day where i could walk in the streets without fear of being blown to pieces.

there are things we cannot get, and some which are hard to get. but in the end, you have to ask yourself, what you dream and work for, is it constructive or neccessary? if i become the most popular in school, would i be truely happy? you might, or you might not. everyone is different. so you have to think, and pray about it, because there are things in life you know that no matter how much you try, how much you pray, how much you ask, how much you hope and dream, you can never get it. just like how, for example, i will never be able to become the smartest person to walk the surface of this earth. simple as that.

i just learnt a lesson on the last day of my exams. not exactly learn, maybe reminded and having the idea knocked into my head.

so this is what happened. i had my exams, and just finished it. i had 4 modules, and so had to take 4 papers. the last paper was supposed to be the easiest paper, and the paper i had the most confident in. the thing is, i did not aim to score, i only aimed to pass. call me unambitious, whatever. i do not have the habit of studying way before the main exams and always had to cramp everything in at the last minute. and naturally what people would do is to - ? spot topics. of course.

so i spotted topics. my friends too. we were part time students. we work in the day and study in the night. we had no time like the full time students to study whole day. when we had free time we want to rest, we do not want to study, which explains why we cramp everything in at the last minute. this is not an excuse. i admit i am lazy.

so we spot topics. it was risky. i remember my friend telling me not to study a certain topic because she could not do it. she told me if i were to understand it it would be very easy. but she could not understand it, and she told me not to study. that was the day before the exams. to be more specific, the time which she told me that was less than 24 hours before the exam start. and can you believe it, we were still spotting and deciding which topic to study as backup. we had prepared that in the event the topics we predicted did not come out we need to have a backup plan. but the problem is, i had heard her wrongly. i heard it as - study that topic because it is easy.

on that day of exam, i got a shock when i see the paper. the questions i predicted did not come out as many as i expected. note that i had aimed to pass, not to score. which means if i spot wrong topics there is a high chance i would fail. i spot 4 topics, it came out only 1. the other 1 was a backup topic i had prepared but i was not confident in. and you know what? the only topic i spotted correctly, i forgot how to do it!!!! that exact question appeared in the prelims, with only the numbers changed. this was a question where everything else is the same except for the numbers and the 'situation' given in the question. and this was the topic i had prepared for. and i could not do it. can you imagine how i felt?

i turned on to the last page to look at the question. there it was, the easiest question of the paper. and you know what? a second shock. this was the topic my friend told me not to study because it was hard. i had heard wrongly and studied it. and for the topic i spent less than a day preparing for, it was really a miracle i could do ALL the sub-questions in that topic.

before the exam, i had slacked a bit. i was really in no mood to study. i had stayed at home and studied every free time i got. why? because of last minute cramping. that happened for about 3 months. work, study, work, study. i got sick of it and did not want to study for the last paper which was my most confident paper. i knew i could not be complacent. i tried to force myself to study, telling myself to be humble. sometimes i did manage to study sometimes i don't. be humble, i tell myself. the body do not follow the mind. is that an excuse? i don't know.

and on that day, it further knocked into me the need to be humble. the question i did in prelims, the question i spot for, i had forgot how to do. the question my friend asked me not to do and which i heard wrong, i could do it. now, is there such a co-incidence? i believe it is a lesson God gave me. a lesson which i do not need to learn the hard way. i think i should be able to pass. but... be humble. i hope to pass.

moral of the story? even in the confident situations, there are things that could go wrong. unexpected help could also come. never be complacent. be humble always. i used to pray that God would help me pass my exams. but from 3 years ago, i had started praying that God will give me the results He deemed fit, but i added that i hope to pass, if it is not against His will. but in actual fact, what i think i should do is to study hard and get everything in, and then let Him decide to let me pass or not, instead of being on the verge of failing and then letting Him decide. haix, but i am lazy. will i change? i don't know. if you read all the way to here and still do not understand what i am talking about, then remember this one thing - be humble at all times. you won't want to regret.

roughly 9 or 10 years ago, when i was a little kid, i made a friend. she was one year younger than me. we were from different schools, we had met at the playground below my house. i was living in a high rise building... well not actually high rise, 8 storeys only. she lived in another block of flats. below and near our block of flats was a playground. we went there to play often. badminton, catching, blind mice, whatever. games usually kids would play. we were in primary school, or what the americans would call a elementary school.

so we played. because i was a person with no life, i looked forward each day that i can go down to play. you know kids, we can never stay at home. my parents were strict. i dont want to stay at home. sometimes they banned me from going down. but when i did go down, i would play with her. it was fun. maybe because she was the only friend i had outside of school and sunday school.

so we played. we continued that way till secondary school, or what you would call a high school. gradually more people join us. life became better, for a while. there were boys and girls. we became really good friends. at least, i treated her as my good friend, maybe my best friend. during teenage, it was a time when normal girls and normal boys started having feelings for the opposite sex. me too. maybe she too.

ok i will skip the details. but we ended up having a very strained relationship. she wanted to severe all ties with me. it was no fun at all. i remembered it was one of the most painful period of my life. maybe i will sound like a hypocrite, but i really did tried to repair our friendship with her. no use. she refused. she still had me on msn, me too. but we didnt really talk. when i talked to her, she refused to answer. and then she blocked me. i kept her in my list, as a memory of my dear friend. i moved house. i have no idea what had happened to her then, dont know what happened to the group of friends. but i remembered hating someone. that time, i had thought it was gone, that she had blocked and deleted me on msn.

i gave up. i had tried for around 1 year plus. maybe a year and a half. i was too tired. i had tried my best. after i moved house, i did still think about her. i still had her in my msn list, the very top. it was just a memory. who knows, one day, years later, i saw her name appearing online on my msn list. i did not receive a request to add her on my msn, which means all these years she only blocked me and not delete me. we talked for a while.

the thing is, after so long, after such a strained relationship, we can only get past the formalities such as how do you do. we used to talk a lot, talk about everything and anything. we joked a lot. we teased each other. but now, we have problems talking. now and then, me or her would try to communicate with each other. but it was always like this, after a while, it became a Q&A session. for some reason, we cannot talk normally anymore. even though she had finally agreed to make peace, the hurt was still too great. i had given up hating the person whom i thought had caused my treasured and precious friendship to break down. i had hated because maybe i can say it is not my fault. maybe i dont want to admit i did something wrong, that i screwed up somewhere. and then, i found it very tiring to keep hating a person. i had no choice, i had to accept the result of it is the combined mistake of all of us.

so now what? i have no idea. i only know, our friendship is so broken it is almost impossible to repair. i heard on tv, and saw in movies, that when friends quarrel, they became better friends after they patch. why then, is mine so different? instead of being stronger than before, it was so much weaker. it is as if both of us are trying to hold on to that line connecting both of us. i can sense the awkwardness. i did not know what to say to her, and i guess the same for her too. i got my wish, that my dear friend restored the bond, but why is it that weak? what can i do? i have no idea. i already tried my best. maybe she too. i dont know.

what would i give to go back to the past? many things. friendship (relationship) is one of the top priorities i have set in my life. the bond is priceless. and yet, this is one of the biggest regret in my life. how long have we known each other now? 10 years maybe. or 9 years. isnt it sad?

do you have a similar situation? maybe you have. what can you do? i have no idea. i myself if i know what to do this blog post will be 'my restored friendship' instead of 'my broken friendship'. i only have one way out, that is to pray. years ago, when i gave up, i had stopped praying for the restoration. years later, our friendship got restored. maybe not the way i want it. but it did. God did answered my prayers. but this few years, i had not prayed for our relationship to go back to as it were. i dont know why i didnt do it. but i know, if i want it to happen, i have to pray. i had been praying for her all these years, but not for the strengthening of our bond. am i scared of something? maybe not. i just didnt think of it. maybe, if you have an experience similar to me, you can try praying. the answer may come many years later, but i guess it will come through. afterall, God do want us to restore our relationship. maybe the time is not right. pray, will you?

i guess, maybe starting from today, i will pray. and years later i will look back and not regret i prayed, just like how 6 years ago, i did not regret that i prayed for our bond to connect back.