About Christianity

they say life is like a journey, and that when you are born you start walking, and until the end when you reach the destination you die. well essentially it is true, in a way. but they often missed out many important parts. from one end to another, there are many roads to take. one road split to many roads, and further split up, and sometimes they join back.

life is like a road in which when we walk, we cannot turn back. maybe small mistakes is like taking a wrong sideroad, you can go back to the main road easily. a big mistake would be like taking a road that turned away from the highway. no matter the case, there is no turning back, because what is done is done, and time cannot turn back. maybe, you can say, one second of our life is like walking one step.

of course, no 2 people can take the exact same road from one end to another. there may be people who will walk the same road for a period of time, but we are all designed to have a road of our own. a road which only we can walk, a road which only we are suitable to walk.

and then some of you might say, that is unfair. some will say others have a peaceful road made of gold, while their road is filled with wars and poverty. some might say they see others having a busy road with many people coming in and out, while their road is just an empty road without a soul. some of them will say they have a smooth road, while theirs is a road full of holes and traps. i hope you get the analogy...

because we are created differently, and put in different situations, we have different paths to take. a path we have no choice but to take, or a path that we felt it is suitable for us. as we walk along the road, sometimes we might see other people and be envious of them. why are their roads so smooth and peaceful? why do the people who walk on that road seem so carefree? why do i have to walk my road? is it even fair?

sometimes we take things into our own hand. we try to get out of our path, and to get into the other lane. sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail. but maybe, in the end, we are not happy. you might get what you aimed for, but is that what you really wanted? maybe, in the end, you realized that you have wasted your life for nothing.

maybe i have no right to make this post. because as my usual flaw of my posts are, i did not take into account those who are suffering a lot. maybe, if i am an african child starving, or a chinese girl sold as a sex slave, or maybe an iraqi child growing up in the war zone, i would risk and bet my life and try to my last breath to get out of the situation.

i thought if i say 'stick to your own lot, everyone' i will be saying irresponsible things, saying things i did not understand. because if i am one of the people suffering like this, i thought i will definately look at the person who said that to me as a hypocrite.

i think i got my point out. there are roads you do not want to take. put it simply, in our normal lives, why are some people born ugly and others pretty? why are some stupid and some intelligent? some sick and others healthy? some have a happy family while some have a broken family. why do some have many friends while the others have no friends? the list goes on. to tell everyone to stick to their own road is saying irresponsible things. because at one point or another, everyone, even in their most blessed situation, would want to change their road to a better path.

i think i am still going to say something irresponsible. because i could not think of any other way to say it. sugarcoating what i am going to say is just going to make me insincere and fake. so, if you are offended, i am really sorry. maybe because i have a blessed life, so i could actually say such things as if it was nothing.

i think, God put us there so we would walk that path. walk down a path He intended us to walk. a path only we can take. everyone has a purpose to fulfil, something we have to do. in order to do that, we need to walk that path.

have you ever met someone who said, 'i understand. i used to be like you...'? when we have troubles, sometimes we met people who had the same problems with us. they give us advices. they encourage us. they tell us, 'it is a hard road, but you can do it.' because there are people like that, so we can continue walking. because there are people like that, we can pick ourselves up when we fall, that we did not fall and not get up.

maybe, as you walk along the road, you will find people who find that path tedious to walk. then you, who already overcame, who already is familiar with the lane, can help or walk together with the people. because only you walked that path, so you are more suitable to help them than the rest. the guy who walked the lane beside you could not do a better job than you. because the guy who walked a different lane, could never understand the feelings of those who walk your lane.

maybe, you find your path dark, or colorless. maybe it is a scary road, or a tiring road. there are roads that have obvious difference from the rest. those who are in a civilized society are obviously more fortunate than those in war zones, despite all their problems such as worrying about finance. those who are starving are obviously less well off than those who have to scrimp and save to buy bread for dinner.

that is the extreme case. if we lessen the gap, we can see some people who need to support their families while studying. some have to endure the nonsense of an alcoholic or gambler in the family. compared to the rich man's son/daughter whose worry is they have only $100 dollars a week for allowance, the former is obviously less well off.

what a dull road. maybe it is not even dull. maybe it is just plain dark. you might wonder, how long more do you have to walk? or maybe, is there even a need to continue walking? in fact, is there anyone who cares if you continue walking?

if i have to say, i would say yes. there is someone who cares. God cares for you. if you are sad, He is sad. He might not transfer you to another lane, but He will walk down the road with you. He might not give you a smooth road made of gold to walk, but He will give you a pair of shoes so you can continue walking. He might not give you a detailed layout of your path, but He will lead you in front, to guide you. He promised that if you follow Him, you will find your rewards at the end of the road. if you walk with Him, the scariest road can turn into the most peaceful road. the darkest or the colorless road can turn into a bright and colorful place.

and then you might say, you don't believe in God. because you find no comfort for all the sufferings. because you don't see a God in all the time you were forced to take that road.

i cannot explain why is that. nor can i give a reason. because i did not go through that, so i do not understand. and because i did not go through it, i am not fit to criticize you. but if i have to say something, even if it is out of my place, is to take that very first step of faith. accept Christ into your heart, into your life. it might be a dramatic experience, it might not. but i know your life will change. you might not believe, but if you don't take the first step to follow Him, your road might forever be dark and scary. if you don't take the first step to walk with Him, you might be forever standing on the same spot, unable to move. and then, instead of gaining a loving relationship with God, you might lose more and more things.

i guess it is out of my place to say this. but if you can, why not take the first step? just a small little step will do. God will know what to do when you hold His hand.

in the years you spent on earth, how many sacrifices have you made? countless i guess. be it big or small, we all make sacrifices. from the small ones, we sacrifice our play time for the supposedly beneficial studies and the exams. for having more waking hours we sacrifice more sleeping time.

big ones? maybe for her family a mother might sacrifice her career (hey that is a big sacrifice...) and stay at home whole day like a person is under house arrest. or like an older sibling who went out to work to support the family because both parents are dead. our Lord Jesus Christ sacrificed himself on the cross to save the world.

there are many other sacrifices we make as we go on with our lives. as we grow older, since i am speaking from the point of a very young adult, having passed my 21st birthday uneventfully (grumpy? no...i hope) 3 months ago, we find the sacrifices we have to make get bigger and bigger.

of all the sacrifices we made, how many of them actually achieved its purpose? don't get it? maybe i explain with an example i am too familiar with. i love to play games. but when exams come, i stopped playing. i studied. but when i study, i don't really concentrate. i have a very short concentration span. and i get distracted easily. in the end, i spent more time slacking away, doing nothing. now, is my sacrifice on computer gaming useful? apparently not.

if we magnify to bigger things, we might see that we are also making big, unneccessary sacrifices. in the office, we are all used to politics. backstabbing - one of the most favored techniques of all times, is a sure way to sacrfice your friends and colleagues. people do that to climb up. people do that to get out of trouble. but if we do that, are we guaranteed a place above? maybe, maybe not.

there was this fictional story about this man who climbed up the ladder of the mafia organization very fast. along the way, he sacrificed many people, including his best friend. why did he want to be at the top? because according to him, he don't want to be poor and helpless, as he experienced as a child. at the top, he finally realized, that although he was poor when he was younger, he had his friends. those were the times that made him really happy. in the end, he realized that bonds were worth more than money.

but like that story, there are sacrifices that cannot be taken back. in fact, sacrifices cannot be reversed. that is why they are called sacrifices. we all have a goal, i hope. and as we go towards that goal, sacrifices are inevitable. big or small, we still have to make a choice. for some, they can betray friends. for some, they can offer their time and energy, their youth. for others, they can sacrifice every single thing they have.

if we just imagine ourselves at the goal, what do we want? or maybe, the correct way to phrase it would be, 'why do i want to be there?' keeping this question in your mind would help you not make the wrong sacrifices. you would not want to reach there only to find that everything is meaningless because of the things you gave up. have you ever looked back and said, 'how i wish time could reverse and i could be there once more...'? yes, you do. i know. i often think of such impossible wishes too.

why do we think that? because we have regrets. we made the wrong decisions. am i wrong? what is done cannot be undone. if today you have to make a decision, the most probable thought you would have would be how costly it is. you would not think of whether it would be meaningful to reach to your goal. you would not even think if you reach the goal finally, would this sacrifice you are about to make render the whole process meaningless?

many times we focused too much on the goal, and we forgot about the original purpose of getting to the goal. if my goal is to be rich so i can live a happy life, then would sacrificing all your friends for that make you happy? if my goal is to score in the exams, would sacrificing my computer game time for slacking achieve my purpose?

to be content. if we are to be content with the things we have, life would be much easier. of course, i am again speaking as a person who lived a blessed life. i do not live in war zones, i do not starve. i have a home. i have a family. i could not say i am very happy. but i can say i am blessed.

we only have say 70 years, 80 years of life. don't waste it on pointless goals. sometimes being content can actually lead to a happier life. some people, in a bid to get to their goal, lost more than what they had started with.

if there is a goal which we should attain at all cost, i guessed it is to follow Christ and get to heaven one day. because that reward is eternal. using temporary things we sacrificed we gained eternal things. well, so much talk about sacrifices. i kept on repeating that word. at 0100H, my brain is non-functioning.

my blogging desires compelled me to blog. and after this, i am going to complete my drawing which i had started doing earlier today. i know i am a goner tomorrow with only less than 5 hours of sleep.

i was listening to kitade nana's song 'antoinette blue' just now. it was a beautiful song. nice song. i liked it the first time i heard it. she sings really nice songs sometimes, though not all. to me, a person who doesn't know how to sing, i think she is a talented singer. i have said before in one of my previous post, that she is of my age. if you want to be specific, she is 2 months and 12 days older than me.

and for some reason, i started thinking again. i think i always think about pointless stuffs. or maybe that is why you have this blog to read in the first place.

i started to think, that everybody has at least a talent. something you really excel in. something you do better than most others. cooking, singing, writing, teaching, leading, trading, drawing etc. in this world, some of the people really used their talent to the fullest. bill gates used his talent of business to...well his achievement is for all to see. jrr tolkien used his talent of writing to give many a thrilling dream world. singers (eg mizuki nana, coz i like her, bleahx) sing beautiful songs. actors/actress like keanu reeves starred in movies that made the world excited. artists like picasso gained world fame. these are the few people whom many of us know.

but what about you and me? what is your talent? what is my talent? even if we think we have talent, but is that really a talent at all? you think you have the flair for singing, but do you really sing well? he think he have the talent for drawing, but does that mean he is really good? sometimes, for me, i don't feel that my talent is really a talent at all. sometimes you think you don't really have anything good you can do. and when you finally found something that you could do relatively better than the others, you entered into another world where you see for yourselves how infinitely small you are. as if in that world (say drawing) you are the lousiest, the most not talented person at all.

they say hard work can give you success. of course i admit that is true. a person who works hard can win a person who has talent but does not work very hard. but it meant you have to spend much more time and effort. and when the time comes when you see the talented person decided to work hard, you realized that maybe, afterall, your hard work could only bring you so far.

what is success? what do you want to do with your talent? let the world recognize you? i think, that many of us here will die without many people remembering us. family and friends may remember you. but how big is your family? how many friends do you have? i often think, when i die, how many of those i know would come to my funeral? and then i think, among those who come, how many of them come out of formality? or how many of them really come because i am their friend?

i remember when i was a teenager, i do not have many friends? maybe because i don't know how to socialize. but one reason was that i was not a person people would feel proud to be with. there were pretty girls whom others would like to get near to. there were cool guys people wanted to be friends with. there were boys and girls whom were good in sports or studies. people like to be with them. 'see, they are my friends!' people feel proud to be with them.

i remember there was this popular guy, who came to be friends with me, and eventually became my best friend. he did not mind about my looks, nor my apparent lack of talent in everything. though he was not a christian, he was from what i see, more humble than many christians around, including me.

what is the point of me saying all of these? the post is about talent right? not about my personal life.

about talent, of course we do envy others. why is it that we are all humans, supposedly born equal, are so different? God do love us right? so why is it that this person is better at everything than i am? is this even fair? for every person that stands at the top, there are many others down there, looking up and envying.

maybe, i think i have the answer. of course, this is not the model answer. but maybe it is an answer you could accept. this is not an answer to tell you how to reach the top. it is an explanation to tell you why you can never reach the top.

according to my own opinion, God has a different purpose for all of our lives. for example, leaders. some were born to rule the world. some were born to rule only a state. others were born to lead a community, and some others were born to only lead a small group, ie a church. if one has a talent that far suppassed us, then it must mean God has a plan for him. of course, whether the person used his talent for God's purpose is another thing.

why then, did God not put me in the middle of big plans? why am i only in the center of a small plan? don't ask me that. i am not God. but if i have to answer it myself, for myself, to convince myself, i think that every plan God has is a big plan. how could you tell, that your little action here would not spark a big reaction in the future? who is to say, that being, say a teacher, in a small school would not mean that you would not inspire the next big leader of the century? or that being a doctor in a small hospital, you would not one day save a life that in the future would also become a great man who has a big (positive, i hope) impact to the world?

for all you know, God did not want to give you any extra talent more than you need for His purpose. of course, i have no proof for that. this is just a speculation. maybe, your talent is for a seemingly smaller plan.

i once read a manga (japanese comic), which said: the value of one's life, can be seen from the number of people who cry for him/her when he/she dies. (you would have known which author said that if you read enough manga.) when you die, how many people have you inspired, or affected positively, with the talent given to you? if you can tell yourself you have done your best, i think God will reward you accordingly. but if not, why did you hope to have so much talent in the first place?

well you know, kitade nana's 'antoinette blue' is the song of the day. i cannot stop listening to it.

i just finished my exams. like i said, i always have the habit of cramping everything in the last minute. the result of it is that i spent the last 3 months studying like crazy. ok so the exams ended. i finally can enjoy life. in fact i am enjoying it. although i still have to work in the day, i felt relieved that i do not need to take out my notes and memorize the words written on it when i went back to my room after a long day at work. yes, i am quite happy with the way i am.

many people have different plans after exams. playing games, clubbing, shopping, learn something new, go out, work etc. many things. everybody does different things. but whatever the case, we can say that almost all of us enjoy ourselves. i am referring to people like me, a normal human living in a normal and blessed condition. yes i admit i am blessed. back to what i was saying, we all have different defintions of enjoying life.

i got a friend, who recently disappeared on the cyberworld and appeared less often. reason? life offline is more constructive than life online. as we all finish our exams, we have the next thing to ask. we are still young, what should we do so that we will not waste our life away? of course to do something constructive. but what is a constructive life? shopping? playing? learning? no i am not criticizing what people do. if you think by shopping you can be happy, go ahead. i play games too. but then, enjoying life and a constuctive life is different, and a constructive life is different from a purposeful life.

you may play games, but it may not constructive. you may take up a new course to learn something, but that may not be purposeful. we only live life once. when we die, what do you hope to achieve? that i achived a level 100 in a mmorpg game? or i got 20 degrees in university? of course, i am not condemning that. who knows? maybe your level 100 is your purpose in life. everyone has a different purpose that she or he understands and set out to do. who am i to judge? but i am saying, on your deathbed, or years later when you look back, do you want to regret spending your youth on something meaningless?

for me, i play too. and i know games are pointless. i don't play a lot now. i know my purpose. and my purpose is writing stories ( i am posting it up starting on 15 june 2008 though, on my website ). is it strange? maybe to you it is. to me it is not. you might think it is pointless to write a story just like how i think playing a game has no purpose at all. of course, the purpose is given to us by God, and He will know what to do with it, including if your life mission is to do something really pointless in a human's point of view.

now that i have free time, i am able to think in a relaxed way. of course i still play game. you don't expect a human to only work and not play. what i am trying to say is, are you spending your time in such a way and for a purpose that you will smile and be proud of years later, or will you waste your life on enjoyable things but will achieve nothing in the end?