About Christianity

'most of our sad and happy experiences will eventually be our life's treasured memories. so, walk through this path and add this little part of your road to your memories.'

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you know who said that? i always never tell my readers who said the lines written at the start of the posts when i used a story to set an example. today i will tell you. it is me. hahax.

this is what i said to my friend when she was, well, is having some troubles. of course i couldn't think of such things and actually say it out. i just commented on her blog when she was said she was down.

one thing i like about being young, which is teenagers and young adults, is that we have the privilege to wear our problems on our faces and treat every little problem as a big big problem. not that i am saying that she is making a mountain out of a molehill. just that, due to our lack of experiences in handling situations like these, we tend to not hide them well. it ended up giving us a lot of stress sometimes and we really felt like we were having one of the world's biggest problem and no one understands.

don't think what i am saying is funny. i am sure at one point of time or another, you are the same. just that, as time passed by and we grow older, we can hide it better. that's all. but of course, when we look back, maybe we can say, 'that's a tiny problem.' but at that time, it was a big problem.

like i said to my friend, life has ups and downs. when we were born we were planned to walk down the road from life, and all the way till death. some of us took a shortcut, which isn't recommended. but whatever road we are taking, there are hills and valleys, up-slopes and down-slopes. but you know, all these make up our road.

we cannot be walking a straight road all the time. sometimes we will walk down into the valley and be sad. sometimes we will put in effort to climb up the hill to enjoy our success. but as they say, what goes up must come down. so, what goes down must come up too.

it is just that, when we are at the top, we don't see ourselves coming down. and when we are at the bottom of the valley we don't see ourselves going up. that is a fact of life. because we are emotional creations who are always always blinded by what we see and chained by what we felt.

if life is one straight road to death, then it wouldn't be fun. it will be easy to walk. but when we look back, life might be pretty boring. or maybe we would not be able to go on all the way. to me, the reasons for ups and downs are simple. the downs are there to train us and make us stronger. the ups are there to show us that there is hope, and to motivate us to climb the next hill. because of encouragement and motivation, training and strength, then we can walk from the our births to our deaths.

when we look back, undoubtedly we will think of many things. maybe you can say:

'wow. that was a hard period.'
'my 20s was the happiest of my time. i had a great job and a great girlfriend.'
'my teenage was really messed up. i did all kinds of stupid things and made my parents sad.'
'my early 20s was a bit sad. i got depressed so easily when i was rejected by the guy i like.'
'my 40s were the most desperate. the economy was doing bad and i had a family to support.'

you know... because of all these significant events, that we find meaning in our lives. that we find some color in our lives. that we feel life is not bad at all (when we look back). the ups are there to give you hope, and the downs are there to let you appreciate the up times when you have.

when you look back, there are some high peaks. and some low bottoms. of course, the fact we looked back most probably meant that we have already got over it.

but what if, like a teenager, like a young adult, we do not have enough strength to climb up a small hill? we do what we always did. we act like we are being forced to climb up mount everest. there is nothing wrong with it. everyone did that.

then this is the time we need help. a small hill or a big mountain. it doesn't matter. because the fact remains that we cannot go over the obstacle. a pit hole and a deep vally doesn't make a difference if the person trapped in it cannot come out.

we need friends. but there are things that they cannot do. what should we do? look to God for help.

God is not your genie. but He cares about you so very much. so if you have a problem you cannot solve, even if it is pulling you out of a shallow and small hole, ask Him for help. sometimes there are only things that He can do that we cannot do.

many times i have looked to Him for help too. take His hand and climb up. take His hand and let Him guide you. He will show you a road that fits you. a road that when you look back, will definitely not regret walking that path. a road where not only you walk, but your King walks with you too.

He is always with you. and if you allow Him, He can pull you out of your sadness. if you follow Him, you will walk the best path you could walk.

it doesn't change the fact that you will fall down and fly up. but, every single moment you experience, every single second you are living, this is part of the road you are walking. little by little, you are going forwards. little by little, you can store them up in your memory. because even though it is a sad memory, even though you it might not be the best memory, they are still your life's moments, your memories. something which money cannot buy. something irreplacable.

the memory of you looking for a job, desperately studying for exams, getting married, your first child... all of them may have pros and cons. but you are the main actor or actress on the stage. keep this little memories into your head.

whatever glory or shame, strength or weakness... put it all behind you. the past is over. what we can do is to learn from mistakes, and look forwards. if we see a goal, we run towards it. if it is a pit, we try to prepare as much as we can.

so today, if you are feeling sad, i won't ask you not to be sad. i thought i should say, remember this part of your life. because it is going to be a special memory in your say, 70 years of life here. it is special.

ps: i am talking about normal people with normal problems. if your hardships are too much for most people, i still hope my post is useful to you.

'don't tell me... you have already... forgotten how to smile?'

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the once kind and loving king, upon witnessing the crumbling of his country (which was actually not his fault), seeing the suffering of his people and not able to do anything about it, had despaired over the situation.

over the course of despair, he had seeked an alternate route to end all of the sufferings... it's complicated... the story. so just take it as for now he turned evil. the kindest person who wished, more than anyone else for his people to gain happiness... turned into a person more evil than anyone and more cruel than anyone.

in one of my posts long ago, i wrote about how people went about wearing fake smiles. i thought, that was normal. and i still think it is. but you know, to forget how to smile, even if it is a fake smile, i wonder, how tragic is that?

i don't think it happens in stories only. i believe somewhere out in this big big world, out of the population of 4 billion there are some who really had forgotten how to smile. a smile represents that a person is experiencing a happy emotion. although it is sad that we are always wearing fake smiles, it is still within the acceptable range. because we still remember the meaning of a smile.

a person who had forgotten how to smile, i can only think that he or she had gone through despair beyond his or her own endurance. like the king in the story, the despair over the years had sunk him down into such despair that he saw no more hope. he had already forgotten the happy things.

despair, i think, is a very destructive emotion. not everyone of us go through it. don't bother those emo people who for a little hormonal change in their body which caused a slight depression acted like they are in despair.

despair is a state which one person enters when he cannot take any more pressure, be it grief, or hopelessness... etc. it is not easy to sink into despair. but i guess, it is not easy to come out either. i guess there is no need for me to say this, it is the ultimate level of hopelessness, it is one of the most extreme of feelings one can ever get.

since it is a feeling so extreme, certainly it will change a person. just like how hope can bring a person up, despair can bring a person down. a person in despair may not act like one. afterall, there are all kinds of people. and reality is or may be quite different from stories. not all the people will go on a drinking binge, or coop up at home rotting away. in reality, a person in despair may still go through the motions of life. the only difference is that, he doesn't hope anymore, doesn't dream anymore, doesn't expect anymore, doesn't look forward to anything anymore. everyday, walking on and on along that road of life. nothing but just walk along the road aimlessly, waiting for the end to come. to me, this is my best description of despair.

maybe, he will forget how to smile. maybe he will forget the important things to him. no, it should be, he had already forgotten how to smile, and forgotten the important things. forgetting to smile means to forget all the happy things which happened to a person, and all the happy things which can happen to him. it is a very scary feeling. yet at the same time, those feeling despair may not actually find it scary.

i did not go through despair before. and the above is the nearest description of what i know of what may happen to people in reality. maybe i am just saying what i do not know. if i am, please correct me.

as christians, despair is a feeling we must never feel. because hope is one of our most important way of life. if i walk along the road of life, and i met one person having despair, would i lend him a helping hand? will i tell him, 'hey! look in front. the light is shining.' will i do that? i don't know. i hope i do. because i think, that kind of feeling, isn't supposed to be in this world.

if all else fails, we can turn to our last hope. turn to God. He is the one who wishes for our happiness too. with Him around, despair can be taken away easily. your tears can be wiped away. even the smile which you had forgotten, He will let you remember. then as you believe in Him, place your hope in Him, one day, you will be able to smile again, and not just a fake smile, but a genuine smile which comes from your heart. because, you have remembered once again, that you actually know how to smile too.

'when i learnt of the truth for the first time... i decided... even if we are an illusionary existence... i still want to protect my clan... for this purpose... regardless of the methods used... regardless of what i have to throw away... regardless of who i kill... i don't care... i will definitely not allow anyone to destroy... the land which even though the people who reside in it are illusionary lives that are created, the land other than which they have no other place to go... even if my methods are evil, the glory and prosperity now... the kingdom of mibu... mibu's future... i want to protect with my own hands!'

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do you have things you want to protect? things that are precious to you, things that you definitely, absolutely do not want to lose? or maybe is there something you need to do? something you have to do, no matter what.

every sane and normal human on earth has a reason behind his or her actions. regardless of good or evil, moral or immoral, without a doubt, we act with a reason or motive. bad people do bad things. that is what we were taught to believe in, when we were growing up. and we were taught also to believe that good people do good things. or rather, the people who do good things are good people. but as we grow up, we realize that good people do bad things too.

i am not referring to bad things as sin. of course measuring by God's standard we are all bad. i am using the human standards and moral values. good people do bad things. or should i say, not all who do bad things are bad people?

as we see the situations and events which unfold from the sidelines, as like we are reading manga, we can observe everything with a clear mind. but when we are in the situations ourselves, we always judge by what our eyes see. because it is easier that way. because, we don't want to understand others. because, like what another person said, 'everyone is right in his own eyes.' i thought, maybe, we are like that too. we are always right. and others are always wrong.

anyway, that was off-topic.

the problem with all of us is that, we are only humans. we are humans with limited knowledge, limited power, limited wisdom, limited understanding...etc there is nothing about us that is perfect. on the other hand, you can be glad that none of us are perfectly evil. at least not that i know of.

and because we are humans with both good and bad sides, sometimes we have good intentions. like fubuki (the man who said all that above), sometimes we did not know what else we could do to fulfil this good intention of ours. desperately, we want to achieve something. maybe it is for ourselves. maybe it is for someone else. maybe, it is for the world. who knows?

whatever the case, we assume it is a good intention. but because we are only humans, there are things that we are not capable of. there are things that cannot be done if we do not harden our hearts. there are things that requires us to be cruel... etc. at least, according to human knowledge and the operating style of this world, that is true. we are humans in this world, and we suscribe to the system of this world one way or another. that is our natural instinct. and when we become christians, we don't operate the way the world operates.

i had sidetracked again.

anyway, if we have good intentions, but our actions are evil, then will we achieve anything? i don't know. never tried that before. but i thought, that if we want to do something good and nice, then, shouldn't there be a better way? because, somehow, it is sad to be like that. it is somehow sad to do bad things for the sake of achieving a good thing.

i don't know about you, but this is how i feel.

so, as humans we have limited skill and power. but we need to get something done. it is desperate. what can we do? i thought, maybe, ask God. if we want to do something good, there is a chance that it is according to His will. if you want to do something bad like killing another person, i can almost say that it is not according to His will.

and if what we want to achieve is according to His will, then i am sure He will respond to you. in what manner, i don't know. in how long, i don't know too. but i do know that He hears your prayer. if it is God, then with our limited power, limted skill, limited wisdom, limited understanding...etc we can still accomplish something without having to do evil. because it is God, miracles are not surprising.

maybe i have no right to say it since i have never fought for something so desperately that i would disregard the cost of achieving it. but you know, even if i sound like a hypocrite, i have to say, that doing evil is wrong, regardless of the intention.

and again, maybe i don't really understand what i am saying, and that i am just spewing out some self-righteous nonsense. but i think, if we want to do something good, we should just ask God. when people turned to all sorts of ways to accomplish their own goals, it is when you know your burden is too heavy for you to carry. it is when you are almost collapsing under the weight. and then, like what you should do long ago, you should turn to God and ask Him to help you carry part of the load.

you are not alone. even if the whole world rejects you, God is still with you. the most powerful, the wisest, the Creator of all things is with you. there is no need to be scared. no need to worry. no need to do evil to accomplish something good. God is with you.

all these while i have assumed you to have good intentions. so if you are desperate, and is looking on the side of evil to reach your goal, don't do that. turn to God. there is no need to carry everything yourself. there is no need to do evil. trust in God. and then you will see a miracle, most probably. i don't know what God wants to do.

whatever you do, turn to God and trust Him.

'yukimura, i have a dream. during spring, (i want to) sit at the porch drinking tea that sakuya prepared. at the same time having conversations like 'the sakura flowers are budding over there,' and 'the sakura flowers are blossoming over here.' and then i will farm during summer or autumn. we do not need too much (food), but only enough for us to eat. but sometimes, i will squeeze out some money, and go out to the streets to buy the dumplings that sakuya loves most. during winter, kyo will definitely come to our place to stay. cheap... cheap sake will do, because the main dish will be the stories of kyo's adventures. then spring will come again. and it will repeat itself again and again... together with sakuya...'

'heh, it sounds good.'

'it's wimpy, right? if it is kyo, he would scold me, 'what is so fun about that?' he would most probably say that. but... i am really, more than anyone else, wishing for sakuya's happiness. i think... if i am able to do that for her, then it will be great.'

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those who read manga might find this scene familiar. the man who wished for such a simple life, to live with the one he loved, was one of the most powerful person on earth, so powerful that in the story he could be called god.

i made a similar post before, titled 'a normal life'. well this is somewhat like that, just that it is only a little different. maybe i have run out of things to say, and have to keep repeating myself.

when i was young, i told myself that when i grow up i would make lots and lots of money. i want to do whatever i want, buy whatever i want. probably because during that time i could not buy the things i like. at that time, i could only watch as my friends had the things they wanted, and i could only stand one side and envy them.

i told myself that i definitely do not want a simple life. i want a glorious life, a life with wealth and riches. it actually continued that way for a long long time. at that time i still did not understand why would people want a simple life. but i don't know why, maybe God opened my eyes a little and showed me what is really important. gradually, i began to give up on that dream.

not that i want to remain poor. i want to have money too. it is just that, i am not so persistent about getting very rich. maybe enough money so i would not have to worry about things like housing loan, medical fees, insurance...etc. slowly, i realized that money is just a way to gain happiness. it is not happiness in itself.

you know if your happiness can be sustained by say, 10 dollars. then you would not need to desperately earn 100 dollars. everything here on earth will fade away one day. and one day we are going to die. and if we die, what do you want to bring with you?

you can't bring away money. you can't bring away all your assets. what you can bring, is your memories. i don't want to die with lots of money left behind but nothing in my memory. i rather die a poor person but with lots of precious memories. because i only live life here once. whether i go to hell or heaven after that, i don't know. but for now, i want to make as much happy memories as i can. what about you?

what is it that makes you happy? being together with the one you love? to be free from all the worries of reality? to be able to fulfil your childhood ambition? everybody has a different dream. maybe you cannot do that on your own. but maybe you can ask God for help, if it is according to His will.

maybe, a simple life is good. like what the man said, he would rather farm than be the most powerful 'god' ruling all over the world. he would rather live in a poor house than to live in a palace full of riches, because in that small little place of his he can find happiness.

i realize that many times we are working hard for money because we know it opens the door to freedom (see previous post titled 'freedom'). but during the course of it, the money which is the key to the door, becomes the door itself. we thought if we have more, we are happy. many of us, along the way, forgot what we wanted. or maybe we never knew what we wanted in the first place. many of us, desperately try to earn money, so that if we found a door we can have the key ready to unlock it.

but is that a good way? what if we never find the real door we want to unlock? then what can we do? listen to human advice and take the doors of others as our own? no. even then, we will not be happy. i thought, maybe, we should ask God.

God created us. and He is God. since He knows everything, He definitely knows about you too, more than you yourself. it feels funny huh, to know that you do not know yourself really well. it is somehow, an irony. but in any case, you can ask God. He created you, and He knows which road is the road of happiness for you.

it may sound funny or stupid, but you may find happiness even if you are living a hard life. like the example i gave, doing farming is a hard life. but that was his dream, to live a life with the woman he loved. living in a palace as a god is an easy life, but he was not happy. you get what i mean? i don't know if it still sounds contradicting to you. but i hope not.

my friend once told me that, 'don't think that those poor people are not happy. they are actually very happy.' in reply i told her, 'i have no doubt that they are happy. but if it is me, i will be happier with more money.'

that was what i thought. and until now, i think so too. money is not everything, but it definitely can make life easier. if i do not need to sacrifice my happiness, i would not mind more money. some of you have difficulties. if you don't earn enough, your family will starve, and your kids cannot go to school. it is hard. having to pay for my own school fees, i kind of understand a little of the burden. but you know, God takes care of us, remember? if you hand it over to Him, according to my life experience, He will do something about it. but of course, you cannot just laze around and let Him do all the work. you have to put in effort too. i hope i am not wrong in saying that.

back to the main topic. if you let God take control, He will show you the way to happiness. maybe it is a simple life, or a hard life, or a luxurious life. who knows? but i know, that road, will definitely be a road to happiness. so, today, if you don't know where to go, let God show you the way. ask Him to walk with you. and i hope along that road to happiness, you can fill up your memories of this life. memories that will be with you after you die. memories that you will always be able to keep. (hmm i guess heaven and hell have a system which allows you to keep your memories of this life? i assumed it to be so though.)

do you know what is the one thing all humans strive for at one time or another, even up to the point of their death? different people have different answers. but for me, the answer is freedom. everyone is trying to be free.

when we were young, we studied hard in schools so that with our results, we can have the freedom to choose the next school we want to go to and the courses we want to go. when we were older, we worked hard for money, so that we can spend as we want without worry. there are some who hold on to positions of powers, so that they can do what they want. it did not matter whether the intention is good or bad. in the end, everyone is trying to seek for the freedom to do whatever they want. isn't that so? i thought so.

to be free, we sacrificed a lot of things. step by step we walked towards that freedom we want. and when we reached the end of the road, we looked forwards and we say, 'hey! there is this new set of freedom i want!' and we ran towards that goal. again and again, again and again, we repeat this cycle. until when? maybe to our deaths. maybe, just before we die, we were struggling with disease, trying to be free from all health problems. or when we give in to illness, we just want to be free from suffering.

in a way, we are free to choose what we want. in a way, we are not free, because we are all rushing towards that goal. am i contradicting myself? i don't know. maybe i am. maybe i am not.

and if you realized, that if we go along with the system of this world, we can never be free. bill gates may be the richest man on earth, but he isn't free from some other things we may not know of. some tribal king elsewhere may be the most powerful in his own area, but he isn't free from stuffs like potential war. we are striving towards a goal we can never achieve.

then i thought, maybe there is another kind of road towards freedom we can take. as usual, this is a christian blog. if i don't preach, the existence of this blog would be invalid.

God offers us a freedom. not freedom from sickness. not freedom from financial problems. it is freedom from sin. we are born into this world, and naturally the sin of this world has a hold on us. it is in our nature to sin. and as we walk down the path of sin, maybe what we see will be a road towards freedom. but in actual fact, it is not. in actual fact, maybe it is a web of chains slowly wrapping itself around us. and then we sink into the swamp of anything except freedom.

God offers us a life free from sin. of course, we are humans. and we do sin sometimes. christians are humans. christians are not God. but at least, we know when we are wrong. we know that we should repent. we know the consequences of sinning.

if we stop sinning and obey God, maybe we will still have worldly problems. but i think, their impact may not be as great as before. because God is with us. actually He is with us whether we like it or not. He gives us a kind of freedom we cannot achieve on our own. i guess, if i have to say, it is spiritual freedom.

once you know what is truly important to you, maybe the freedom of this world that you seek may not be so important afterall. because there is another kind of freedom waiting for you when you die. there is freedom of peace in your heart when you follow God. as if, this kind of freedom is the greatest freedom of all. that to get this freedom, you won't mind anything else. the freedom we have when we follow God. yes, in my opinion, this freedom is a freedom more valuable, more precious and more important than any kind of freedom.

maybe we can have lots of power. maybe, we can have lots of money. maybe, we are healthy. but if we have these kinds of freedom only yet still got entangled in the web of sin, then we are not really free. our eyes tell us we are free, but in actual fact we may be sinking.

maybe if we follow God we may not have a lot of achievements in terms of the human measurement. but, this freedom that God gives us, it allows us to walk freely. maybe we are poor. maybe we are weak. or maybe we are sick. but at least, along the road of life, we can walk freely. at least along this road of life which we only walk once, in this short road, we can find happiness. because we are free.

i don't know about you. but to me, this is the true freedom. maybe to you i am still an immautre person who haven't seen the world. but to me, this is freedom. what is your freedom? the freedom that in order to get, you can sacrifice everything else? a freedom that in order to get it, you can sacrifice your money, your pride, your prestige... what is this freedom you are looking for?

if you haven't found it, i would like to introduce you to my God. i am sure He will be able to tell you the meaning of true freedom. and then, you will be free, if you walk with Him.