About Christianity

running away from problems. it is something i thought i will never do again. when i was a kid (9 years old), i remember very clearly once i knock down my classmate and caused him to fall and bleed on the leg. i ran away, and prayed to God that he will be healed. somehow i was hoping for a miracle. that miracle never came, of course. that day, i was taught a lesson. from that day onwards i knew that running away do not solve any problems.

as i grew older, i told myself that i will not run away from problems. running away from problems is somewhat like owing a debt. the more you run, the more you have to pay. just like a debt, you have to pay it. if you don't pay, you will get more interests, and in the end you have to pay even more. a problem too, you run away now, the problem gets worse. one day, you still have to come back. unless you declare bankcrupt, or do not care about the consequences anymore, then there is no need for us to face that problem. but the thing is, the consequences of not facing the problem is usually very... costly.

and so, i lived and thought that those who ran away are fools. i would never do that. that is a foolish thing to do. i am sure you will agree with me. this carry on, until recently.

way before the problem comes, when everything is still peaceful, i could already see what was going to happen. a big problem which is going to give me a ton of trouble. never mind, i will face it. and then it came. and then i realized that the problem is too big for me. because it is a personal problem, i could not depend on others. because it is an inevitable problem, there is no avoiding it. and from that day onwards, my life is going downhill, getting more and more screwed.

and then, for the first time in a long long time, i ran away from it. the problem which is going to be a bigger problem. leave it to tomorrow, and then tomorrow. maybe, it would be better if the tomorrow never reaches. everyday is just another shitty day.

and then i had realized one thing. i had became too proud. in the past, i did not run from problems because of 2 reasons: the problems were never big enough and/or God helped me along the way. this time it was different. i became like some others i told myself i never would be like them.

in this aspect, i had forgotten to be humble. i had forgotten what it felt like to be in a really deep shit. of course, we fell into a big trouble every now and then. but for me, maybe living in peace for too long made me forget about that feeling. and now, i am forced to remember it.

so what do i want to say? for all of you reading this, we must always be humble, and never forget how it felt like to be in trouble. when others are in trouble, and they do something foolish or stupid, or when they do something wrong, instead of looking at them and saying 'i am not going to be like them', maybe we should help them (if we can) or be thankful to God that everything is still going alright for us.

am i talking funny now? it is about 0200H. maybe my mind is not functioning properly anymore.

i thought i am still running away, knowing one day i am going to be in a deeper shit. heck, i cannot even make a meaningful blog post today. i had thought of writing something meaningful, but i guess in the end this post is just plain bullshit.

i am going to sleep. good night.

the olympics. i have been watching it as faithfully as i could ever since the games started. of course, if i need to go to school, then i cannot watch it. it is a big disappointment to know that i will miss out some of my favorite events, like track, gymnastic (which is already over) and swimming. i could not skip school though. technically i can, but...

after the finals the camera always zoom in to the top 3 winners of each event. as we can see, they are usually smiling widely as they hold on to their medals, unless they messed up somewhere and got a lower position when they could go higher. but still, usually, it is all smiles. little is shown about the losers. well, practically nothing is shown about them. no, i am not going to talk about them today.

as i see the smiles and the grins of the winnners, i could not help but smile with them. it is like a contagious disease, only that this disease is a good one. hahax. maybe because i used to be a sports person taking part in competitions, that's why i could understand a little about their joy. i used to be a cross-country runner (i have quit now though), putting in a lot of effort only for that single race. the moment you get the prize, you felt as though everything is worth it. of course, my medal is not as great as theirs. but it is enough to let me know part of their joy. maybe you too could feel their joy.

the olympics. it really is a wonderful game. although not perfect, sports do unite the world to some extent. this sentence is random and has no relation to my post today.

moral of the story? in every race there are winners and losers. winners smile and losers walk off disappointed and unnoticed. in the christian faith, we are running a race too. i am not going to say the cliche of it does not matter if you come in first, what matters is that you finish. no. i am anti-cliche!

our race is a bit different as in it does not matter how fast you run. (oh noes! cliche!)

our race requires us to run, no matter how slow. we can run slow. but we cannot stop. and we cannot walk. we have to run, even if the running looks like it will take forever. because running means we still have the passion and the drive. if we walk, soon we might give up. or we might side-track. keep on running. sometimes it is tiring. sometimes we need to ask God to refresh us. (correct me if this paragraph of mine contradicts the Bible. thanks.)

i once reada story that goes roughly like this. there was this man who took part in a long distance race. but he was slow. and he was last. even though everyone finished the race, and finished giving the medals, and the spectators went off, this man continued to run. he ran, without anyone noticing, knowing he could not win. a person went to him afterwards, and asked him why he continued to run. he replied, 'i took part in this race. it does not matter if i did not win. but if i am in the race, i have to finish it.'

we are in this race. we have to finish. because if we finish, we win. (another cliche!)

compared to the olympics, the prize we will get is much more valuable. compared to the olympics, the cost of not completing the race is unimaginable. not everyone can have a chance to win a medal in the olympics. but everyone has an equal chance of winning the prize that is a place in heaven. i want to win. i think i run slow. but i am still running. are you? i hope you will not stop. no matter how slow, keep running.

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i was in a not so happy mood today. and then i saw one scene that made me smile. i was on the bus, and this person, a lady of around my age, with earphones jammed into her ear and listening to her songs, wore a t-shirt which says, 'I am listening to bands that don't exist yet.'