About Christianity

do you know what is the one thing all humans strive for at one time or another, even up to the point of their death? different people have different answers. but for me, the answer is freedom. everyone is trying to be free.

when we were young, we studied hard in schools so that with our results, we can have the freedom to choose the next school we want to go to and the courses we want to go. when we were older, we worked hard for money, so that we can spend as we want without worry. there are some who hold on to positions of powers, so that they can do what they want. it did not matter whether the intention is good or bad. in the end, everyone is trying to seek for the freedom to do whatever they want. isn't that so? i thought so.

to be free, we sacrificed a lot of things. step by step we walked towards that freedom we want. and when we reached the end of the road, we looked forwards and we say, 'hey! there is this new set of freedom i want!' and we ran towards that goal. again and again, again and again, we repeat this cycle. until when? maybe to our deaths. maybe, just before we die, we were struggling with disease, trying to be free from all health problems. or when we give in to illness, we just want to be free from suffering.

in a way, we are free to choose what we want. in a way, we are not free, because we are all rushing towards that goal. am i contradicting myself? i don't know. maybe i am. maybe i am not.

and if you realized, that if we go along with the system of this world, we can never be free. bill gates may be the richest man on earth, but he isn't free from some other things we may not know of. some tribal king elsewhere may be the most powerful in his own area, but he isn't free from stuffs like potential war. we are striving towards a goal we can never achieve.

then i thought, maybe there is another kind of road towards freedom we can take. as usual, this is a christian blog. if i don't preach, the existence of this blog would be invalid.

God offers us a freedom. not freedom from sickness. not freedom from financial problems. it is freedom from sin. we are born into this world, and naturally the sin of this world has a hold on us. it is in our nature to sin. and as we walk down the path of sin, maybe what we see will be a road towards freedom. but in actual fact, it is not. in actual fact, maybe it is a web of chains slowly wrapping itself around us. and then we sink into the swamp of anything except freedom.

God offers us a life free from sin. of course, we are humans. and we do sin sometimes. christians are humans. christians are not God. but at least, we know when we are wrong. we know that we should repent. we know the consequences of sinning.

if we stop sinning and obey God, maybe we will still have worldly problems. but i think, their impact may not be as great as before. because God is with us. actually He is with us whether we like it or not. He gives us a kind of freedom we cannot achieve on our own. i guess, if i have to say, it is spiritual freedom.

once you know what is truly important to you, maybe the freedom of this world that you seek may not be so important afterall. because there is another kind of freedom waiting for you when you die. there is freedom of peace in your heart when you follow God. as if, this kind of freedom is the greatest freedom of all. that to get this freedom, you won't mind anything else. the freedom we have when we follow God. yes, in my opinion, this freedom is a freedom more valuable, more precious and more important than any kind of freedom.

maybe we can have lots of power. maybe, we can have lots of money. maybe, we are healthy. but if we have these kinds of freedom only yet still got entangled in the web of sin, then we are not really free. our eyes tell us we are free, but in actual fact we may be sinking.

maybe if we follow God we may not have a lot of achievements in terms of the human measurement. but, this freedom that God gives us, it allows us to walk freely. maybe we are poor. maybe we are weak. or maybe we are sick. but at least, along the road of life, we can walk freely. at least along this road of life which we only walk once, in this short road, we can find happiness. because we are free.

i don't know about you. but to me, this is the true freedom. maybe to you i am still an immautre person who haven't seen the world. but to me, this is freedom. what is your freedom? the freedom that in order to get, you can sacrifice everything else? a freedom that in order to get it, you can sacrifice your money, your pride, your prestige... what is this freedom you are looking for?

if you haven't found it, i would like to introduce you to my God. i am sure He will be able to tell you the meaning of true freedom. and then, you will be free, if you walk with Him.

instead of an alarm clock, i used my handphone/cellphone's alarm to wake me up everyday. it plays a very nice and soothing piano music which i added myself, so i can wake up without having a foul mood. the default music are usually quite, lame. i usually don't like to wake up, because i sleep late and have to wake up early. and then, i have to drag myself forcibly out of bed after snoozing for 30 minutes.

the phone i used is a sony ecrisson phone. as all users of the phone know, the alarm sound gets louder and louder by the second if one did not stop it. and then it will continue until it hits its maximum volume and then stop after a while. then it will restart the cycle in 9 minutes.

i was sleeping late as usual one night and had to wake up early the next morning, so i set the alarm. what was surprising was that i only woke up when the alarm hits maximum volume and i got a shock and jumped out of bed. because i was not really awake i had to run around the room and search the phone before finally remembering where i put it.

you know, the maximum volume is really loud, even in the day. if you talk about the very early morning, where there was not really any noise around since everyone is sleeping, the quiet is really different from the quiet in the day. any little noise can seem loud. needless to say, even though my alarm music was a piano music, that sound rang through the whole house. i was amazed at myself that i can actually slept past one alarm.

when i finally thought back about this incident some time later, i found out that sometimes our life is like that. maybe we get too engrossed in our life. and we neglect something important. or maybe we are sinking too deep in our sins. and we cannot hear the call of God, or the warning He sent. His warning is like the alarm clock, and we being too engrossed is like we are sleeping.

sometimes what we do affects only us. but there are many times when it affects other people as well. our life is ours, but what we do with our lives affect other people's life. you know, that alarm clock in my room, i am sure it disturbed my siblings and my parents. i don't know about you, but in my house, the air-conditioner is seldom used. even if it is a very hot day, we usually use a fan and open the windows and doors for ventilation. as such, any sound can easily reach them, particularly a very loud sound in the wee hours of the morning.

in our life, sometimes our sin hurts others. or should i say most of the time? it is just, whether the others say it or not. sometimes, because of our stubborness we caused others a great deal of trouble. like that alarm which can caused others to wake up, our sins can cause others to be forced out of their ordinary peaceful lifestyle.

let's not talk about others now. we talk about ourselves. our sin, ultimately affects us the most. we have to answer for our thoughts, actions and words one day. we may hurt others in the process, but in the end we are the one affected the most. we are like a person sinking into sleep if we keep sinning. and God is like the alarm to wake us up to the real world, to what is important when we sink too deep.

like the alarm, He will usually, in my experience, start off from a small warning that gives a larger and larger sound with more urgency. He does not, in my experience, gives off one big warning right from the start. He gives us chances and time to set the situation back to what it used to. of course, there are many situations that are irreversible. you cannot unhurt a person. but you can turn back to the spiritually healthy person you used to.

so today, if you hear the alarm, remember to wake up and turn it off. if not, when the alarm gets louder, you might get a shock too big for you to handle. and you will most probably disturb other people too. so, if you hear the alarm today, don't ignore it. the alarm is there for a reason. it is there so that you can know what is important to you. so you can listen to the alarm and then one day, you can get to heaven and spend eternity with God.

a few days ago, my computer was in a big mess. i downloaded some program on the internet, and wanted to install it. i read the comments people gave regarding the file, and the comments were all positive. no trojans, no viruses, whatever... so i downloaded it, and i forgot to scan it with my anti-virus software before running the file. and when i ran that file... a ton of viruses and trojans came out.

i was like, 'oh crap. not again...'

that thing totally messed up everything. anyway, since i am back here, it means the computer is fixed.

moral of the story?

if we are the computer, then sin is the viruses and the trojans. and who is the anti-virus? Jesus.

we are the computer, and as we socialize with the human world, we are like connecting to the internet. or rather, as long as we live, it is like we get connected to the internet. because we interact with people, with things, or with our inner-selves.

as long as we interact, sin is bound to come. just like how a computer gets connected to the internet, it is guaranteed that an attack will come. there is no avoiding it. even the best anti-virus program available to the market cannot handle all the viruses out there. the best anti-virus program also have to be updated regularly. for us, God is the perfect anti-sin solution. it is us who have to be updated regularly.

Jesus is the best way to counter sin. just like a computer without anti-virus program will be infected with virus, a godless person will be corrupted with sin. and without a God, the sin will keep piling up and eventually destroy a person. for a computer, we have the option of a master reset, a reformatting process. but for humans, this option is not available to us. we cannot say, 'God, we screwed up big. can you reset our lives and let everything start again?' no. we answer for our actions, and if we are found not to be fit for heaven, we go to hell.

just like what happened to me, i did a virus scan everyday. i scanned every single file i downloaded before i run them. but all it took was other people's assurance, as well as my own forgetfulness, that my system was infected and i i had to reformat my computer.

the same for us, we can walk with the Lord everyday, as we should. we should ask God to take away the sins in our lives and to point us the right way, so we know what is right and wrong and not deliberately sin. but we are humans. just like how other people's assurance that the program is virus and trojan free, it doesn't mean it is really true. the people out there may be liars. so whatever they say, the best way is to check it with God. the best way to make sure is to send the program for a scan.

i failed to scan it. and sometimes we fail to consult God. and the result is a whole lot of mess. sometimes, we deliberately sin. we think, 'never mind, it is only one time. i can go back afterwards.' i experienced it myself, there are sins that, if you do it one time, will send you straight down a path of sin. not all sins are like that, and not all viruses and trojans will cause a big mess. there are small sins and big sins. weak viruses can be removed easily. but we never know when a sin is big or small. all it need is one time for a sin to take root.

of course, regardless of whether it is a big or small sin, a sin is still a sin. a trojan will slow down your computer, a virus will cause system problems. whether it is a big sin such as rape or a small sin such as lying, a sin is still a sin. it affects the system, and it affects our lives. for big sins, there is no need be to explain. sooner or later, if left untouched, the system will crash and be left unusable. for small sins, we never know when that dormant virus in us will come out and screw us big.

if we have a virus in our computer, we usually run the anti-virus program. the same for us. if we have sins... i rephrase... we always have sins. so we always need to depend on Jesus, on God to take away our sins. and just like how anti-virus programs need to be updated, we always need to 'update' our relationship with God. by spending more time with God, we get closer to Him, and therefore keep renewing our protection from sin. we all will sin, one way or another, but God will always take it away, if we truly repent.

what if we don't update? it will result in backslide. we get further away from God, and the result is we are influenced by the world instead of God. if your program does not update, it cannot counter new viruses and trojans. for us, the sins out there... well i think are more or less fixed. if we don't 'update' we will be like standing on an escalator that goes the opposite direction. we will backslide and commit the very sins we used to be able to avoid.

God is the best solution to counter sin. and we should always update ourselves. sometimes, when we are careless, or wilful, sin enters our life. but as long as we are willing, God will always be able to take it away.

so, today, if you have sin in your life, ask God to take it away. if not, one day, your sin, whether big or small, will finally pile up and destroy the sytem that is your life. you only have one life. you cannot reset your life. your life is yours. why let sin control it?

i was a competitive runner during my school days. not that i am not in school now, well the time before my university days. so, every year i would try to win at least a medal for myself. most of the people know, runners have many injuries. well, most sports-person will have quite a few injuries. me too, i have no exception.

i injured myself back in high school, around 13 years old i guess. so, i did rest a bit, but i continued to run with injuries, and joining competitions. and the result is, i most probably cannot go into competitive running again. both my knees and ankles are quite damaged. hahax, i asked for it.

well, actually, i thought that in our life, sins are like injuries. just like everyone gets injured, everyone will sin. it is natural. not that we can help it. but even if we cannot help it, we don't go round sinning just because of that. because, you don't go round getting yourself injured for nothing right? the only difference probably would be, sin is pleasurable at that moment, while injuries only give you pain. in that case, injuries is better since the pain would warn you to stay away. sin gives you pleasure, and instead of chasing you away from death like what pain did to us, it instead invite us closer to death.

like injuries, if you don't treat them, they will get worse. maybe an infection if it is an open wound, or maybe affect you in many other ways. such as if i have a knee problem and i don't take care of it, i can be sure walking will be a problem. if an injury is there, usually we treat it. do we do the same for sin? if we sin and know we are wrong, do we treat it? do we correct our behavior? i can admit now, i don't correct myself always. and yes there are a list of sins i know i deliberately commit. i am not proud of it. well, since you are here, you can listen to the rest of this 'moral lesson' that i don't do it myself. maybe you would do it, if you think what i say is correct. haax. what am i saying?

so sin, like injury, will get worse if we leave it, or maybe if we continue to sin. like if i have an injury and i continue to run instead of rest, i am very sure the condition will get worse. if we sin, and we don't correct it, our sins will pile up and we will get more and more entangled in that web of death. maybe from envy, it goes on to jealousy, and then it goes on to plotting something bad, and the action of carrying it out. you see? i mean, i don't think envy is a sin, but this is an example of what could happen if we don't keep ourselves in check. once you reach jealousy, well i guess that is a sin.

what about old injuries? they do act up sometimes right? the cold weather? or maybe if you strain a little more in a particular spot, say the knees, the pain comes again. it is on and off. sometimes it is serious sometimes it is not. is sin like that? i guess so. even if we repent of our sins, sometimes we do commit the same sin again. afterall, the things we do are roughly the same. lying, gossip, watch porn?, looking down on others...etc.

even when we repent, sometimes we fell for the same sin again. it is not gone. but unlike injuries of which we have no control over, for sin, we can. through our willpower, discipline, and more importantly, God's grace and the strength He gives us. He can give you a lot of strength, but if you do not have the willpower to go against it or the discipline to want to avoid it, it is of no use. it is just like a swordsman giving up his sword. he being strong doesn't mean he will win, because he doesn't want to fight.

well, since we all sin, might as well gain something from it right? we do that with injuries. broken bones which healed become stronger. muscles which got torn down (though that is not an injury) will be replaced by better ones. injuries makes us aware of our actions and what we should do to prevent our body from getting damaged. they are the warnings to tell us to be careful with our bodies.

sin, in a way too, can be like that. but of course we need the help of God. we all do things we regret. and most of the time it is a sin we commit. lying about an important fact. backstabbing others. lusting about people of the opposite sex (and in that way we do not respect that person). refusing to lend a helping hand to someone in need. saying hurtful things to others. we regret them. and sometimes the guilt is very strong. at this time, since it is already over, and we cannot take back our words, all we can do is to improve the situation or prevent the 'next time' from happening again.

apologizing may not help, but in many other cases, it does. trying to make up may not help, and may make us like a hypocrite, but if we don't, then the relationship might really be gone. the guilt is there. and the next time we want to commit the same sin again, we have this pain in us to remind us to take care of our conscience. but of course, we have to remember that pain, and the consequences, if not, there will be no lesson learnt.

like injuries, sin is normal. it is normal, but it is no good. all we can do is to avoid it as much as we can, like any sane person would want to avoid injuries as much as possible. sin is no good, but if it is over then the only thing we can do is to reduce the impact. like how people wear knee guard to reduce the pain, we can try to make up. and then, we learn our lesson and repent, so that the next time, we will not feel pain again. lastly, like pain, sin is something we can do without. so, prevent it from happening before everything is too late. and of course, you cannot do it alone. ask God for help.

zero (the name of a character) will never be able to return to being a human, and for the past 4 years he has fought against his vampire instincts. that would take more willpower than i could ever comprehend.

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well i guess those of you who read manga or watch anime will once again know which story this came from. for the benefit of those who didn't know, i think i better give a little background of the story. the guy was a person who hated vampires to the core because his whole family was killed by one of them. he had survived the attack, yet was turned into a vampire because he was bitten, turned into the very existence he hated to the core.

oh well so that's all i needed to explain to get this post up.

willpower. something many of us, or maybe all of us have. the only difference between us is that for some of us it is stronger, some of us it is weaker. we always see this kind of thing in anime and manga. stories.

say kurosaki ichigo trying hard and risking his life to get his bankai (highest level of sword mastery in the story). allen walker trying desperately to get his innocence (a kind of weapon) back. uchiha itachi doing all he could to be alive up to the point he secured his brother's safety and power. (i am trying to use the most popular of characters so that more people actually know what i am talking about.) and lastly, from above we have one vampire going against his instincts.

i thought the vampire example is most suited for us.

all of us, are born into a world of sin, whether we like it or not. all of us, no matter what we do, can never go back to a pure and innoncent person again, just like how zero can never go back to be a human. there are some of us who love to sin, because it brings pleasure. just like how a vampire sucks the blood of a human (i always wondered who set the rule that vampires cannot suck animal blood. oh well..).

sin, as we all know, is destructive. depending on the kind of sin, we can not only harm ourselves, but the people around us, and maybe the people not related to us. he had hated vampires because they had destroyed his family and his life, and in the same way sin has given us troubles too right? relationships are broken, lives are messed up sometimes...etc. yet, the funny thing is most of us don't actually hate it. in fact, most of us embrace it.

as commented by another person, that guy had gone against his vampire instincts for a long time. and that he also admitted that doing that took more willpower than he could ever comprehend. that is obvious right? going against your instinct, against what you need (the blood, not the sin), all alone.

in a way, we are also fighting against the temptations of sin. well, actually many of us don't even bother to fight back right? and even if we fight, we give up easily. because the temptation is too great.

of course, fighting against sin takes willpower. because it is in our instinct to sin. because it is pleasurable to us. because it is in our nature. that's why we need willpower to do that. but, unlike that guy, we are not alone. maybe, in terms of human companions and friends, we really are alone. maybe no other humans bothered about us, whether we live or die, enjoy or suffer. but God is with us. so we are not alone.

the guy's willpower was much more than what others could comprehend. what about us? you see, in stories, characters always exhibit extraordinary willpower. extraordinary restraint. extraordinary determination. compared to them, sometimes i don't know if we should feel ashamed.

we (or maybe only i) are not so determined not to sin. even when we know it is wrong, we don't really care sometimes. thinking, 'God will forgive me.' so, after a little of ceremonial 'resistance', we give up and do what we want. compared to the characters, or maybe even if we think it ourselves, our willpower is just so weak. so weak it is laughable. not that we have to exhibit extraordinary willpower. but that we don't even try properly.

if we really try, and cannot do it, we can always ask God for help. He is always there. unlike zero, we are not alone. erm....he has a friend too, but it was until later that she could help him. knowing what is wrong, even if it means going against his instincts, he tried hard to defend against it. being someone he hated, he went against those of his own kind.

are we like that? knowing what is wrong, even if it means going against our instincts, have we tried to defend against sin? being a sinner, being someone who should hate sin, have we gone against sin itself? in a way, we are really like the character right? yet when we compare, the actions we have taken are so far apart.

i have a feeling i am just repeating myself. blame the time again, not me. i want to sleep. hahax.

so, if the next time temptation comes, try a bit harder to resist it. try it as best as you could. and when you could not do it, ask for help. because it is wrong to sin. because we have someone to help us. it is hard. everyone knows that. but at least, try your best to resist it.

and for me too, i will try too. defending against sin is not something you could do with willpower alone. you need help from God. well, for that guy, he fell in the end though, because his willpower was not enough to keep in check his instincts all the way. as for what happened to him... go read that story on your own.