About Christianity

running away from problems. it is something i thought i will never do again. when i was a kid (9 years old), i remember very clearly once i knock down my classmate and caused him to fall and bleed on the leg. i ran away, and prayed to God that he will be healed. somehow i was hoping for a miracle. that miracle never came, of course. that day, i was taught a lesson. from that day onwards i knew that running away do not solve any problems.

as i grew older, i told myself that i will not run away from problems. running away from problems is somewhat like owing a debt. the more you run, the more you have to pay. just like a debt, you have to pay it. if you don't pay, you will get more interests, and in the end you have to pay even more. a problem too, you run away now, the problem gets worse. one day, you still have to come back. unless you declare bankcrupt, or do not care about the consequences anymore, then there is no need for us to face that problem. but the thing is, the consequences of not facing the problem is usually very... costly.

and so, i lived and thought that those who ran away are fools. i would never do that. that is a foolish thing to do. i am sure you will agree with me. this carry on, until recently.

way before the problem comes, when everything is still peaceful, i could already see what was going to happen. a big problem which is going to give me a ton of trouble. never mind, i will face it. and then it came. and then i realized that the problem is too big for me. because it is a personal problem, i could not depend on others. because it is an inevitable problem, there is no avoiding it. and from that day onwards, my life is going downhill, getting more and more screwed.

and then, for the first time in a long long time, i ran away from it. the problem which is going to be a bigger problem. leave it to tomorrow, and then tomorrow. maybe, it would be better if the tomorrow never reaches. everyday is just another shitty day.

and then i had realized one thing. i had became too proud. in the past, i did not run from problems because of 2 reasons: the problems were never big enough and/or God helped me along the way. this time it was different. i became like some others i told myself i never would be like them.

in this aspect, i had forgotten to be humble. i had forgotten what it felt like to be in a really deep shit. of course, we fell into a big trouble every now and then. but for me, maybe living in peace for too long made me forget about that feeling. and now, i am forced to remember it.

so what do i want to say? for all of you reading this, we must always be humble, and never forget how it felt like to be in trouble. when others are in trouble, and they do something foolish or stupid, or when they do something wrong, instead of looking at them and saying 'i am not going to be like them', maybe we should help them (if we can) or be thankful to God that everything is still going alright for us.

am i talking funny now? it is about 0200H. maybe my mind is not functioning properly anymore.

i thought i am still running away, knowing one day i am going to be in a deeper shit. heck, i cannot even make a meaningful blog post today. i had thought of writing something meaningful, but i guess in the end this post is just plain bullshit.

i am going to sleep. good night.