About Christianity

what was your ambition when you were a kid? not during the age when every kid's ambition is to be like his/her father/mother. during the time when you knew what you were doing. was it a doctor? artist? or maybe you wanted to write the best story, or even maybe become the world richest person.

hmm... actually this post... should it even be here? i don't think it is about christianity. yet i don't want to put it at the random blog. it is still from my reflections though.

what are you doing now? maybe you are an office worker. maybe you are doing something you didn't like. when we grow up, i realize that gradually, we are unable to hold on to that dream we once had. maybe for some, it is because our thinking changed. for most of us, i guess it is because our circumstances don't allow it.

do you actually know why i name my website as no-more-fairytales? the reason is very simple. it can be taken literally. when we were young we believed in fairytales. that if we work hard enough, our wishes will come true. that if we are good people, we will live a good life. there were heroes, and the witches always get defeated. as i grew up, i realized that fairytales are there only for one reason: to give hope to the little children, even if it is a false hope. children must have hope. depression and giving up, these are the only things allowed to adults.

somewhere along our lives, most of us gave up our dreams. and because we have to let go of them and take up other things, we slowly forget our dreams. maybe, you slog through life everyday, doing what you don't like. i know people who are complaining about their jobs and how much they wanted to quit. i know people who screamed wih frustration because the things they study are not what they like.

then maybe you get lost. because you have no more goal. i rephrase... because most of us have no more goals that we are after from the bottom of our hearts. our dreams have turned from childhood ambition to short-lived task goals to meet our needs. maybe you gave up being an artist to take up accounting, so that you can have a brighter future. maybe, you forgot about your wish to become a musician, so that you can become an engineer and have a stable job.

you know, when we do this, we usually suffer a little bit. i know this kind of feeling very well. because i am like that too. i never liked the sciences and mathematics. i had always liked the arts. but for the sake of future i gave up all of them. instead of geography i took up chemistry. instead of linguistics i took up mathematics.

slowly you will begin to feel trapped. what exactly are you doing? you know the logical answer. you need to do it for your future, for your family (because your kids are depending on you)... etc. but, maybe that is not what you really want. you are doing something you need to do instead of something you want to do?

finally you drag your feet at life everyday. you become totally lost. maybe it happens for just a little while. or maybe a few months? if it gets serious, this happens for a few years.

what can you do? i don't really know the sure formula to it. but i think, if you can, then remember your childhood dream. or maybe, remember what you had really wanted to do. if there were no restrictions, and you could do what you wanted, what would you want to do?

maybe it is impossible in real life to achieve your goals. but at least, you can do something about it. you have things you need to do, and you do them. this is respectable. but doing things you need to do doesn't mean you cannot do the things you like to do.

in your own little free time, you can try doing the things you like. in your 1 hour of rest time you can write a story, or you can draw. in your 2 hours of break, you can read medical books if you like it, or pretend you are a lawyer. hmm pretend? yea, that is a good idea too.

all humans need motivation. do a little something you like here and there, and you can also provide yourself with a little motivation.

you have no time? i think for most of the people, the excuse of having no time is simply crap. i have seen how people manage their time. i know people who work hold a full-time job, study for a degree at night (and did well for it), come up with time to spend with their girl/boyfriends, go out with their other friends and have enough time for rest. we are humans with 24 hours a day. it depends how you manage it. i know this is true, because, i am one of them. and i know it can be done.

remember your dream again. don't forget it anymore. maybe, this will be the single thing that will help you to move further along the road of life.

many people usually are very busy everyday. rush to work, rush home. rush to work, rush home. everything is done in a rush. well at least that is the way in my country. and it is famous for it. there is this cliche about stopping to look at the grass or flowers or something like that.

during my off days, i like to just sit or lie down and stone. stare at the sky. stare outside the window. enjoy the sunlight coming in through the window. enjoy the peace and quiet in my house. enjoy the breeze. because i dont get this everyday. i too, rush here and there. i too, have many things i need to do.

when i read the light novel series of Sumzumiya Haruhi, i came across a conversation in the story which struck me. in the story there is this ESPer who is called Koizumi Itsuki. well if you read it you should know. he said that even though the world has its fair shares of problems, he still love this world. me too, agree with this statement. no, i am not saying i like the sins of this world or not. look at our world, it do have its beauty.

maybe to you i am saying from the point of a person who never experienced any sufferings of the world, who lived a sheltered life throughout my entire years. maybe you are right. maybe i will hate this world if i live in a war torn country, or maybe i will detest this world if i lived in an abusive home, or maybe i will curse this world if i am born a handicap while others are normal. maybe, you think, i am a hypocrite. maybe.

but since i do not have any great sufferings that i can boast about, and since there are many others like me, being blessed, maybe i will just say something to the world from my standpoint. i still like the world, even though i detest the rapist and the dictators, the slave traders and the many crazy people out there. because, this world does have its beauty. maybe one day, you should just stop. enjoy the peace, enjoy the breeze, the stars, the sun and the moon. look around you and just let your mind settle down. if your home happen to be in the middle of a battleground, well, i dont think you will see this. but if you do, you still can enjoy this world. i think i just got it, i love this world for its natural condition, the way God created it. humans messed up this world pretty much. yea, i enjoy the nature. too bad i didnt live near the sea.

maybe, if you decide to listen to me, and settle down, ignore the time, and enjoy this world which we only have that few years to enjoy, maybe you will find something which i found, or maybe something even more than me. maybe.

according to an article i read, it said that the number of friends one can have is limited. that is because to maintain a friendship one need to put in time and effort. and there is only so much time and effort we can spare for friends. fair enough.

today, i talked to my friend whom i did not talk to for a long long time. i never met her. years ago, i just got this request from msn that she wanted to add me to her list. as it turned out, she did not request to add me in the first place. but then, we decided to be friends. seemed like we decided to make use of that error in the system to make a new friend.

of course we had talked, not often, but enough to maintain a relationship. then after one day of a normal conversation, we stopped talking to each other. still i had not met her yet, even though we live pretty near to each other. yes very near, maybe an hour's travel. and we didn't know how each other look like. both of us don't have the habit of putting our photos up online. yea, for some reason we just stopped talking. we did not quarrel, and there were no arguements. perhaps we were just waiting for each other to talk to us. she did clear her msn list, and so i did to my own list as well. i don't know why, but she kept me in her list, and i kept her in mine.

today, i decided to talk to her. i had wanted to do so for a few months now, but didn't really had the chance. it was a pretty pleasant conversation. she remembered what our last conversation was about. you might know what your friend said to you the last time you all talk. but to me, that was amazing. because, thinking back, we had not talked for....6 years. yes. we had never met, never really improved our friendship to a very close level, but she remembered our last conversation 6 years ago.

of course, i was happy. she not only remembered me, she remembered what we talked about. and for me, i did remember what we talk about too. the memory God gave us is such a wonderful thing isn't it? i cannot remember all the formulas i need to remember for my exams, but i can remember things like this. stuffs like this may not help me pass my exams, but to me, they are more important than the formulas and the theories.

i told her i will talk to her again soon, because she had to go off after around 2 hours or so. i told her, this time, it will not be 6 years. she too, agreed that. i don't know how you feel after reading this. but for me, my mood have been pretty good because of this. i had found back a friend. and i hope that our friendship will be better. we might never meet, we might never know how each other look like. but does that matter? to you it might, but to me it does not. friendship is not based on appearances, it is based on how much both of us are willing to put in the effort. it is based on trust. i have no idea how much closer we will get, but i hope it will be much better than now. perhaps after dropping from friends to aquantainces, we might become friends once again. it had been 6 years. she told me time is rather unforgiving. how true.

moral of the story? i had 'gained' back another friend. what about you? do you have hurts from previous friends? or did you simply stopped talking to them? if you have, if someone pop up in your mind, don't hesitate to drop them a message. call them. patch up with them. renew your friendship. friendship is an amazing thing. don't delay it. who knows? tomorrow she may not be there anymore. tomorrow you might not be around anymore. no, i am not cursing you. but don't let a moment of laziness make you regret the rest of your life. i am lucky. i got her back after 6 years. what about you? will you gain your friend back?