About Christianity

just like that, on the first day of february, shiki and i walked on the path in the night. that really was not unusual, just like a scene of our normal lives. ...but when i think back later, that was also undoubtedly the last day kokutou mikiya looked at ryogi shiki.

ever since i was a kid, i already knew the possibility of seeing someone for the last time. at that time, if i am not wrong, i was no more than 10 years old. maybe 8, maybe 9. i forgot. i don't know about you, but at that time i knew, that whenever i say goodbye to someone else, that really might be the last goodbye i will ever say.

in our lives, we have people who walk the same path as us. our family, our friends, our beloved, and God. they are a big part of our lives, and in a way, they are indispensible. but just as i mentioned before (in my previous post titled 'roads'), that everyone has a different path to walk. one day, sooner or later, we will have to split up with them, the only exception being God.

because everyone has a different road to walk, it will be impossible to walk with each other all the way. some of us took a turn to other places, some of us has a very short road. then, have you ever wondered, what would happen, if someone close to you no longer appear in front of you again?

for some of us, we were given the grace to know how much longer will a person stay with us. for some of us, it comes without warning. suddenly, you realize the person who was walking beside you earlier on will never walk with you again. or maybe, for a very long time now, you know that someone will no longer walk with you when his or her path goes into the direction you cannot go yet. or maybe, you will be going along a road that they cannot walk. not that a person has to die, but sometimes, friends do go very different paths, so different that it would be almost impossible to keep in contact again.

although i had always known that when i say goodbye to a person, that might be the last time i am doing that, the fact that when it actually happened, you realize you could never prepare enough. because sometimes you don't know who it will be, and when it will be. and sometimes, the fact that even though you have a countdown to that day, when the day comes, you might have realize that no matter what you do, you cannot prepare enough. maybe it would no longer come as a surprise, but still, it was as if all the preparations you had made were just for the sake of giving youself a better self-control when the time comes.

oh well, maybe it is just me.

there are special moments in my life which i spent with some people, be it with a particular friend, or a group of friends, or family. because time will not repeat, or maybe you will never get another chance again, i tend to want to treasure the moments i spend with people around me. sometimes consciously, sometimes not. but in the end, i will remember them. of course, i don't show it out. it will be crazy to do that.

not that maybe someone is going to leave you, it is sometimes you know you are going to leave other people. that when the time comes, the goodbye or the smile you give will be the last. again, not that you have to die.

so, whenever i can, i will try to remember bits and pieces of memories i share together with those important to me. maybe, if i am walking along the streets with a very special friend, i would want to remember the conversation we talked about, the scenery around us, and most importantly, the feeling i had when i am with this friend. or maybe, i would want to keep in my memories this group of friends whom i always hang out with, and remember their lame jokes, and not forgetting their habits and actions. maybe remembering all the different kinds of expressions of a particular person would also be another way of doing it.

and little by little, storing them in the brain, hoping that one day, when you really have to leave them, when you cannot see them anymore, you would have this treasured memories. of course, we have cameras, we have technology. but photographs cannot replace memories, especially in a situation where there would be no more contact. photographs can only aid you in remembering. because ultimately, it is memories that have feelings attached to them. and the jpeg file from technology only aids in your memory recall. and sometimes, people don't take pictures.

and one day, when you take your memories out of your brain to see, you would have known that you share those special moments of your life with your friends, or your family, or a particular person whom you love.

like mikiya and shiki, the last time you see each other might just be a normal day (or night), in a scene not so different from your everyday life. so maybe, when you hear each other's voice, you would want to remember how it sounds like. maybe, when you see each other, you would want to remember how s/he looks like. remember the smile, remember the angry expression, the sad emotion, the irritated face..etc. in this case, the story applies to 2 lovers. but in real life, we can apply to family, friends and of course, lovers.

if today, everyone suddenly disappear on you, or you disappear from everyone else, walking on a road nobody else can go, of the many people you know, whose memory do you want to keep? maybe it is just one person's memory, maybe it is a group. be it family, friends, or your lover. maybe you would want to start keeping those memories.

not that i am cursing you or being pessismistic, but sometimes reality don't give us a countdown. or maybe, we don't want to know about the countdown.

i don't know about you, but for me, when the countdown finally hits 0, i want to be able to remember special moments of my life, that i once walked down the road with my friend(s).

maybe, one day, after a long long time, you would forget how the person who walked besides you looks like. or maybe, you would forget how that person sounds like. you might even forget how that person feels like when you touched him/her. but at least, if bit by bit you store your memories away and treasure them, despite memory decay, you would have known, that during a part of your life, you once walked with this person before. that once, along a road not so different from the everyday lives, in a reality not too different from the rest of the people, you spent that special moments with this important person in your life.

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this post has nothing to do with christianity. i only wrote it in a moment of impulse. and halfway through, an unexpected interruption disturbed my flow. and hence it resulted in a not very smooth flow of the story, which made me kind of unhappy at myself when i read what i wrote. rubbish article, and the flow looked like trash.

the above paragraph is just an excuse for myself...

2 days ago, on 14 july 2008, i celebrated my 21st birthday. as many of us know, the 21st birthday is usually celebrated with quite a bit of noise. people invite others to parties and have fun. why? it is a step for us as we move from teenage to adulthood. finally, we are adults.

this is how i spent my 21st birthday. in the morning, i dragged myself out of bed as i go to work. nobody in the office knew it was my birthday, because i did not tell them. i don't really have a habit of telling people my birthday unless they specifically ask for it. after work, in the evening, i went home with my friends, 2 of them. 1 of them gave me a present when we were alone. she knew my birthday. well, we were quite close at one point of time, so i told her about it a few years back. she could still remember it though. others would have forgotten it. no, she did not depend on friendster or all the nonsense to know it was my birthday.

at home, my family celebrated for it. it was a simple affair. my sisters bought a cake, sang a birthday song, while my dad took a picture. after that we ate the cake and that was the end. of course, throughout the day, my friends sent me messages (sms) to wish me a happy 21st birthday.

some of you might think, like one of my sisters, that it is quite sad or pathetic to celebrate my birthday like that, especially since it is the 21st birthday. not much of a celebration, and still went to work. do you think so too? somehow or another, i don't really think it is sad. because, at least i have friends who wished me a happy birthday, a family who celebrated for me.

there were many others who never had a chance to celebrate their birthdays. some of them did not know their age, or when they were born. some of them do not have friends. some of them do not have a family. some of them are starving. some of them are met with disasters. there are many others out there suffering. actually, to be able to pass through my birthday like a normal day, it may too, be considered a blessing.

some time back, i learnt to appreciate the things i have, and to treasure more the things i have. we may not have everything. we may not have what others have. we may wished to be like them, or not. but as we think, we should also count our blessings. because there are many others out there, who would give up a lot of things, just to be like you.

treasure what you have.

i have always hated studying. and because of that, i usually put off studying till the last period, around 3 months or so, and cramp either one or two year's worth of work into that few months, depending on which examination i take. the result is that during that 3 months or so i have almost absolutely no play, and practically stay at home to study every free time i got. after the exams i would be very exhausted, and took very long to recover from the mental tiredness.

i don't like studying, and i still study. i know it is no fun, yet i still try to score for examinations. why? everyone knows, it is because we have to score to have a better future. not that scoring for academic examinations will ensure a bright future, but it gives a headstart. a headstart makes a lot of difference. that is why people work hard for it, to widen the headstart between oneself and other people. nothing wrong with it.

is there even a lesson from this story? yea i guess so. the same thing can apply to chrisitianity. walking the narrow way and the broad way. it is hard sometimes to do the right thing. i hate that feller and i don't want to forgive him, but i have to. i want to pay him or her back for what he or she had done to me, but i can't. i have to keep my mouth from saying swear words. i cannot engage in sexual immorality like other people did. there are a ton of things i cannot do and another ton of things i need to do.

but people still go through it. why? like exams, the life we experience now will determine where we go in the future. even in exams, we have to depend on luck sometimes. will i be sick on that day of exam? will the questions be set much harder this year? will they input the wrong results when they compute our scores? even if i get good results, will i definately get a good job next time? even with this much uncertainty, people still work for it. how much more, should we work for the goal, for the place in heaven that will definately belong to us if we work for it? of course, getting to heaven is by faith and by grace, but we still have to work for it. you cannot expect to get to heaven if you do not refrain yourself from every sin in the world, right?

like preparing for exams, we are preparing for eternal life. it is not fun, it is sometimes tiring. sometimes we want to give up. but then, is it worth it? like failing for exams, sometimes people cry. we know we don't want to fail. we put so much effort for something 'small' like exams when compared to eternal life. we should also, put in a greater effort to walk the narrow way. when we lack strength, all we need to do is to pray and ask to be strengthened, to be encouraged, to be refreshed. that way, we won't pile up our stress and tiredness like what we do during exams when we do last minute work. chrisitianity, shouldn't be last minute. we would'nt know when we will die, or when is this world going to end. we have to be prepared at all times.

i know i don't want to fail my exams. and this life, is something like an exam. if we pass it, we get to heaven. if we fail, we get to go to hell. and i know i definately don't want to fail. what about you? even if you don't like it, even if you see other people enjoying themselves, will you walk the narrow way? will you work for it, for the eternal life and treasure that will never fade away? not that examinations in our real life is not important, but if we can work hard for something that worldly and with so much uncertainty, can't we also work much harder for something promised and something with perfect certainty?