Jokes

to see this post please enable east asian language. oh well i have translated them actually. so it's ok if you can't see the chinese words. but if it were me, i would not like to see funny symbols.

this post's translation will definitely have broken english. not that my english is that bad, but i want to portray as accurately as possible the meaning in chinese. if i make it a proper sentence, i will not be able to accurately bring the meaning across. so just bear with it. you will see it later.

after the translation it might not be as funny. but when you see it in chinese it really is hilarious because of the way the chinese words were used, and well, culture.

楼主问:“如果你死后,你的墓志铭打算写点啥?”以下是一些牛人的暴笑回复:　　
the thread starter asked: 'after you die, what do you want your epitaph to be?' below are some of the funny answers from the pros.

1.感谢政府为我解决了住房问题!
1.thanks to the government for solving my housing problem!

2.一居室,求合租,面议。
2.one bedroom, looking to co-rent, negotiable.

3.小事招魂,大事挖坟。
3.for small matters, summon the spirit; for big matters, dig the grave.

4.发布违规信息,永久封杀!
4.releasing news of breaking the law, banned permanently! (i can't translate this well enough)

5.我觉得我还可以抢救一下!
5.i think i can still be given emergency treatment!

6.老子是被活埋的!日!
6.i am buried alive! fuck! (the 'i' here in chinese refers to a superior form of address one gives to oneself. literally it means: your father)

7.广告位招租
7.advertisement space for rent.

8.提供鞭尸服务,一次100!
8.providing corpse-whipping service, 100 (dollars) per try!

9.初从文,三年不中;后习武,校场发一矢,中鼓吏,逐之出;遂学医,有所成。自撰一良方,服之,卒。
9.started learning liberal arts, did not make it for 3 years; learnt martial arts after that, shot an arrow at the school grounds, hit the drummer, got expelled; tried learning medicine, gained some success. came up with my own prescription, took it, died.

*in ancient chinese wars, drummers always tag along to boost the morale of soldiers. hence it is not surprising to see a drummer in the military or martial arts school)

10.基因重组中,请稍候……二十年
10.genetic reconstruction in process, please wait... 20 years

11.我生在中国,我葬在中国,祸不单行啊!
11.i was born in china, i was buried in china, misfortune don't come alone!

12.单挑冥王哈迪斯中,征求组队!
12.challenging king of hades, seeking for party!

13.牧师,帮我复活一下下,谢谢,坐标 xx.xx
13.priest, please revive me, thank you, co-ordinates xx.xx

14.当你看清这行字的时候:朋友,你踩到我了。
14.when you see this line of words: friend, you have stepped on me.

15.老子终于不用怕鬼了!
15.i am finally not scared of ghost! (the 'i' here refers to a superior form of address one calls oneself. literally it means: your father)

16.给爷笑一个,要不……爷给你笑一个?
16.give me a smile, if not... i give you a smile? (the 'i' and 'me' here is the same as above. just that its literal meaning is: grandfather, or master, depending on its usage. its meaning here is unclear as to which one it is)

17.神农氏的墓志铭:我靠!这草有毒!!!!!
17.shen nong shi's epitaph: fuck! the grass is poisonous!!! (in the legends, shen nong shi was the founder of farming and medicine)

18.这是我挖的最后一个坑（警告挖坑者）
18.this is the last hole i dug (warning to hole-diggers)

19.摸骨算命
19.touch the bone and tell your fortune

20.陪聊,提供夜间上门服务。
20.keeping you company (by chatting), providing onsite services at night.