Quitting School

perhaps this should be in the christianity blog. i have thought for a while whether to put this post here or there, and had decided to write it here.

Follow up:

calculus exam tomorrow, and i am totally not prepared. i am still here writing. what do i want to write about? perhaps to tell you to trust in God.

1 semester ago, i had a little problem that was beyond my ability to solve. in fact, the problem still exists. i was in the first semester of my first year in university. it's complicated.

or maybe, i am making a mountain out of a molehill. perhaps i am still an immature person thinking i suffer the worst punishment for a little tiny problem i encounter in my life.

but this is the thing: i wanted to quit school, and although my parents told me not to, they left the decision to me. i will say it clearly, i would love to go to school, do all the stupid things, perhaps get depressed over a one-sided romantic relationship, grumble about exams, complain about the lecturers, behave like an immature person (although right now i am still childish).... i have said this many times in my christianity blog, these to me, are all bliss. this is the kind of life that is happiness. perhaps i am asking for too little.

as what a christian should do, i prayed and asked God for a decision. i could not get one then. so i made a pact with God. i will study (apparently not to my best, but i do still put in quite a certain amount of effort. one day, i will get down to blogging what i think is the definition of 'trying your best'.), and if i fail, i will take it as His signal for me to quit. if i passed, i will take it as a signal for me to carry on.

at that point of time, and perhaps even now, staying in school is a desirable but not a feasible option. anyway, the day of results came out and i was half-hoping to fulfil my selfish desire to go to school, yet at the same time prepared to face reality and go to work. a bit of explanation here: if i go to school, although i would love to, my life would be in an even bigger mess. if i quit school, which i don't really wish to, i would have a much easier life. a more normal life, i would say.

contradicting huh? don't worry, i am still an immature person who wears a face of tragedy for every little problem i face.

anyway i passed. and i passed with the lowest of grades. simply put, if any one of my subject scored just a tiny grade lower, i am out of school. and i stayed in school.

there are times like now when i don't know what i am doing, and perhaps, i think, maybe i should have quitted school then. but i have always trusted in God, and He will decide what to do. for those of you who believe fate should be controlled by your own hands and you are not a chess piece on God's chessboard called 'Life', kindly go to my christianity blog, search for the title 'micromouse' and read it.

why am i blogging when i have not finished studying for my calculus exam tomorrow? i have no idea. this is a half christianity post and a half random post. but the moral of the story is, if you made a decision to trust God, don't doubt halfway. i will use my life to show you. oh well, if i do talk about my life here.

i don't believe anyone is interested in my life anyway. that's why i put it under 'random' instead of 'christianity'. you and me, our lives are only 1 out of 4 billion on this earth, and 1 out of tens of billions throughout the history of the earth, out of hundreds of billions in the entire human race's past, present and future. erm, what i want to say is... i don't know what i want to say. forget it.