If I Had Known

i guess, many of us would have said things like, 'if i had known this would happen, then i would definitely do this or that, not do this or that.'

Follow up:

this kind of reflexive kinds of remark, to express one's disappointment or regret, is not unusual. in fact it is common. and most of us take it as a figure of speech, and does not take it to mind. just that, for some of us, probably, because the regret is too much, or the loss is too painful, that we began to blame ourselves for our inability to avert a certain situation. it is during such cases that 'if i had known' becomes a catalyst for self-blame.

probably, if there is such a thing as 'if i had known', you can be somewhere at the level of God. you can plan out the best path for yourself, and avoid all pain. there will be no regrets, there will only be a smooth journey. i won't be studying and working like a slave. i would be flying around in my personal airplane to different places, and live in a big house with no less than a hundred slaves at my feet. then my slaves would go, 'if i had known...'

but then again, would you really want that? the cliche goes, life is only interesting and fulfilling and meaningful only if you have gone through every single kind of experience you can have. the cliche is a cliche precisely because it is true.

let's say life is a puzzle of roads. we start from different points, and end up at different points. on the way, paths cross, and roads may be tedious, whether long or short, memorable or not. if i had known such a path would bring me pain, i would definitely have chosen to take another path to lead me to my goal. this, is a natural and perfectly logical way human mind operates.

then, our lives would be nothing but 'happiness'. i am not saying that a person who doesn't feel sadness before cannot feel happiness. but then if you look back, perhaps you would have asked, 'what is it like to cry for someone? what is it like to regret? what is it like to feel so much pain that you cannot stop shaking in grief?'

all humans who live long enough, at some point of time or another, would definitely have felt the 3 feelings i mentioned above. you would feel happy when you are happy, but will you appreciate that happiness?

or put it in a more practical way that one can understand. life is interesting because it has many roads. granted that some of the roads may not be the best road, tragedies resulting from the cruelty of humans as well as the carelessness of oneself. although a significant number of people experienced family abuse, rape, murder of loved ones.. etc, we shall omit all these greater sadness for now.

if we know what we will happen in the future, then we will choose the path that is easiest to us. then we would only, in our limited capacity of our brain, determine what we think is the best for us. if we only consider road A which seems to be easier instead of B and C, then we would never know what B or C brings. perhaps, road B or C may bring about a greater good among all 3 roads?

i am sure everyone would have experienced unexpectedness in our lives. 'wow, this turns out surprisingly well!'. 'darn, i am so dead this time.'

sometimes, a road that we walked turned out to be super bad. for some reason, the path to the goal seemed actually even further. like finally you got closer to a goal, but now, even though you are just 1 meter in front of your goal, within that 1 meter there is a wall of height 100 meters. sometimes the road that we walk to our goal is just plain long. sometimes, in order to walk that road, we throw away many things, and lose many things. unlike the law of equivalent exchange, what we lose does not equal to what we gain. sometimes we gained more, sometimes we lose more.

because we don't know which road we will go, that's why we always work hard for our goal. that's why we have hope. that's why we can really feel joy and fulfillment when we reached out target. there are roads that we would say, 'i am very happy that i actually walked this road, though given me the choice i wouldn't want to do it all over again.' these are roads that are significant, that gives you more that you expected, yet it is a road that is tough.

perhaps, you are walking one of these roads now, and these road seemed very hard to walk. in fact, it is so tough and so bleak you wonder if it is even worth it to walk to the end? at times like this, as a christian i would advise you to pray. but if you are not, i suggest you ask yourself, what do you really want? i want this goal. then, how much am i willing to sacrifice?

walking an unknown road, while taking risks, at the same time also carries opportunities, both unknown to us. life, is interesting, because we cannot predict what will happen in the future. it is interesting, because of the roads we take, we experience many kinds of emotions. all of them, are essential in building us up. failures, grief, regrets, disappointments, they are a part of our lives. we cannot get rid of them. we don't wish to have them, yet life would be incomplete without them. for if we never knew the negative of things, we can never truly appreciate the positive of things.

this is life. whatever path we walk, however hard it is, how tedious it is, how much we lose, in the end when you are dying, if you can say, 'i think, if given the chance, i would take the same routes all over again,' then you have lived your life well.

so for now, know what you want. and don't say 'if i had known' anymore. because if there is such a thing, our lives, would be incomplete.