Love Life

no, for those of you who thought this may be an emo post, i don't think this is it. ever since i created this website 3 years ago, i have made posts on valentine's day every year. it was something like a must-do thing for me. well last year's post wasn't that long. just a wish for people to be happy. i was troubled enough that i was unable to write properly, i think.

as we are growing up, or as we are growing old, we meet different problems at every stage of our lives. for some the problems come later, for some, earlier. but basically, all of us living in the same environment would be generally facing the same problems.

like for me, living in a peaceful country with little poverty, people of my age usually worry only about 3 things. money, studies and romantic love. since today is valentine's day, then i shall talk about romantic love.

probably, from seeing my friends worry and getting worked up over relationship problems, i also have some thoughts of it myself.

for those who are in a relationship, probably a lack of effective communication and consideration for the other party is a common cause of problems. humans, by nature, are born different from one another. to put it in a christian-like way, a couple is like 2 people coming together to become one. because we are different from one another, no matter how alike we may be to the other person, there are bound to be conflicts in a relationship.

usually, i would tell my friends, that love is also about compromising. everyone has their own tolerance level for certain things, and everyone has their faults. but as long as the person's flaw is within your tolerance level, we should always try to compromise to each other. we cannot expect a person to totally change according to your expectations. that is one mistake people always make - trying to change the other person to fit your style, rather than you trying to change yourself. of course, flaws like sloth or being a flirt and many kinds of character deficiency are not that tolerable, and even if we could tolerate it, we should also try to correct them. perhaps the one question we should ask ourselves when we want to change our significant other is, why do i want to change him or her? is it for his or her own good, for the sake of maintaining this relationship, or is it just for my selfish reasons?

as long as both parties work for a reasonable compromise (by reasonable, everyone has their own settings for tolerance level, and as long as you think it is reasonable, then it should be ok), a relationship should be able to hold. for a relationship of any kind does not take a one-sided effort. it is like a multiplication of boyfriend*girlfriend or husband*wife. as long as either side has a positive number, the whole equation can still hold. ideally both sides should contribute equally. but if one side has a small number, the whole equation can still stand if the other side is willing (by willing, i don't mean it is definitely reasonable) to put in a big number. if however, one side is zero, then the whole equation would always be zero, no matter how big of a number the other side contributes.

half of the people i know are attached, and the other half are single. so probably, i should also write about those who are single too.

being in the age of 20+, it is perfectly natural for humans to want to find a significant other. it is the need for emotional and physical intimacy that we actively search for a partner. perhaps, 'actively search(ing)' is not a term that applies to everyone. for though many of us definitely envy couples and hopes to be in a romantic relationship, some of us prefer to leave it to God (or for non-christians, fate). some girls perhaps, like some of my friends, belong to the conservative type and would definitely not confess, and would rather give up on the person if he does not take notice of her.

but one thing is universsal to all of us, that even though we are single, we still run into relationship problems. perhaps, the person we like have no feelings for us. or, we have no feelings for the person who likes us. or that maybe, an extension of the first situation, the person we like is already attached.

all these cases proves that to meet a person and get into a relationship, the person has to be right, and the timing has to be right. out of so many people we know, to meet the right one at the right time is actually more of a miracle than a mathematical phenomenon. i have never believed that if you keep on trying you will meet the right person at the right time. this is not like trying to throw 6 dices and get all 6s, that if you throw enough times eventually you will get the result, according to the law of probability.

there are 2 kinds of people - one who would get into a relationship just for the sake of getting into one, and one who would only go into a relationship only when he or she really likes the other person. the former would just scan around and see which girl or guy seems desirable and goes into courtship. as such they are able to switch target more easily and quickly should the current one failed. the latter one would be what i sometimes called, the more persistent or maybe, 'stupid'. because these are the people who takes a darn long time to give up on a person even though the one they like is 'out of bounds'. before the second group starts flaming or stoning me, let me declare i belong to one of you.

well, from my own perspective, since i belong to the second group, i can only say to those who are single, that when the time comes, you will meet the person. to some, it may be late. to some, it may be earlier. but one thing i can say is that, sometimes the person is right in front of you, just that you did not notice that, and only realized it years later. i am able to say it because i experienced it for myself first hand. or sometimes, you just met a person who is totally not according to your own expectations but for some reason, you realized you like him or her. not that we are to desperately think of any person that comes into our mind and try to see if we like him or her, just that, always keep an open mind. if not, you might really miss a once in a lifetime chance. we may get along with many people, we may like many people during the course of our lives, but i believe, there is only one person that is meant to be with you. if you ask me for a reason, i can only say that is because i believe God has a plan for us, and that somewhere in this world, there is one 'perfect' person he made for us, just like how we are made to be 'perfect' for that person. if you want to tell me it feels like we are God's puppet and we have no choice for ourselves, then just go to the christianity section and search for the post 'micromouse'. i made a post on that sometime ago. now is not the time for this anyway.

love is complicated. handle it well and you will feel like you are the happiest person on earth. handle it bad and you will end up in a mess and spoil every single happiness you can have. but again, it is in our instincts to want to be romantically attached to another person. i don't know if this post actually is helpful, or just another random crapping of mine. but anyway, happy valentine's day to all readers of this post. and i hope, all of you would be able to find that 'perfect' person and be able to get along well with him or her. for even if the person is 'perfect' and made for you, a relationship is bound to have problems if you do not show consideration for him or her, and if you do not communicate well enough. understanding each other, and thinking for each other, as well as loving each other, this 3 things, are what i have learnt in my few years of experiences. most important of all 3, is love. for if you have love, the rest comes naturally.

so, happy relationship to all of you, whether you are attached or not.