Romantic Relationships

i was just talking to my friend about relationships and the mechanics of it. well i wouldn't call it the mechanics, but just.. stuffs about it.

Follow up:

i always believed, that it is inevitable that a person hurt others and gets hurt during his or her lifetime. this is part of life. nobody likes to get hurt, and no normal person likes to hurt others. although it is no good to get hurt, but i think, from my limited experience, getting hurt is proof that once, you like a person before, and you gave your heart to him or her.

i remember when i was at the age when i started liking someone, the normal trend would be to go all out for the girl from the very start. then if the girl liked you or was touched by you, both sides came and formed a relationship. and when a while later both found out that the other is not the right one, they break. that's why they said first love don't end up in marriages.

but first love, is the most pure and most innocent of love. because you give your all, with all sincerity, to the other. as if the person will never hurt you. it is only when we get hurt enough, that love becomes a bit more complicated. thats why you see sometimes love is not that pure anymore.

people always believe that it is destiny or God's plan that 2 people meant for each other would come together. i believe that too, that God has someone for us. but few people believe that even the right person could hurt you, and that if you don't grab the chance, even the right person could go away. i don't mean to say my perspective is the right one. just that, everyone has their own opinion and thinking. this is mine.

when you meet a person, you would have a feeling of attraction if you like him or her. sometimes we go by appearance and decided that we like a person. well we don't know anything about the person, be it his or her character and personality. and for other times, we only start to like a person after we interacted with each other, and found out more.

i am not an expert nor a player of the field, but given my limited experience in my short life, i do have some thinking of my own.

i believe that when 2 people come together and just started knowing each other, it is best not to enter a relationship too fast. 2 reasons: people don't cherish things they get too easily, and that we have to see if a person is the right one before we enter a relationship.

my advice would be to take things slow. i used to believe that if you are slow people would get ahead of you and take him or her away. if that is the case, then i can only say that person is not meant for you. will you regret? will you be sad? of course! but still, it is better than going into a relationship with one not meant for you.

when 2 people knew each other, they started as friends. and if both like each other, slowly, slowly, they will get closer and closer. but they will remain as friends for the moment. as they get closer to each other, they open up to each other more. and thus, both knew more about each other. habits, personality, character, skills, dreams, hopes, etc. of course, we probably still don't know much about the flaws of the other, yet.

there are a few reasons why i would do that though. to slowly get closer, you know more about the other, and let her/him know more about you. during this time, as both of you are not yet committed, both of you can evaluate whether the person is the right one or not. if so, continue to get closer. if not, pull away. as both of you are still friends, damage to the heart is minimal. that is not to say you will get out unaffected. you just reduce it only. repeat the cycle of getting closer and evaluating, until both are ready to cross the line of friendship.

the second reason would of course be to give the other ample preparation time on what is going on. if they are comfortable, they will go closer. if not, they will just remain as it is or pull away. as a guy, you don't want to shock a girl by suddenly running and confess (ok i admit i did that last time). and as a girl, you don't want to be dropped a bomb.

but well.. when you want to cross the line of friendship, guys, be a man. confess to her and tell her you like her and ask her to be your girlfriend. timing is important. you can do it slowly, but don't make her wait too long, when you know full well she is ready.

there is one more reason why people fear to go into a relationship, other than the fact that they are scared of being hurt. that is, the loss of a friend. i don't know about other places, but right here, in the culture of my place, singapore, confessing to a person usually (not all the time), means only one of the two: you either level up, or you go game over. you either enter a romantic relationship officially, or you lose a friend.

awkwardness, as they say. or a relationship later turned sour. both sides have to want to come together to make peace. but few would do that. it is not enough for one to want to make peace. it has to be both.

as we enter a relationship, we give our hearts to the other. that's why it is easy to get hurt, and for us to hurt. always, by inconsideration of the others, and by selfishness and self-centeredness, that we hurt others. we always expect others to think for us, but we take the other for granted. i know people like that, they do certain things, and their partners cannot do the exact same thing they did. funny right?

by going into a relationship, we risk getting hurt. but if we are scared, then we would never achieve happiness. even the right person would hurt us. but by taking things slow from the start, we can reduce it if it fails. by being considerate and thinking for the other, we can reduce the hurt. because in a relationship, hurt is inevitable. but all the happiness you would have gained and which (better be) much more than the hurts makes the whole thing worthwhile.

by going into a relationship, you are telling the other: you are important enough for me to give you my heart, even though you may hurt it. but i trust you. and i hope you will trust me, and give me your heart.

it is not easy to maintain a relationship. everyone has flaws. no one is perfect. all of us comes from different backgrounds, and thus act differently. all of us are different, so we have different characters and personalities. by trying to understand one another, to think for another, by compromising to each other, and learn to accept each other's flaws, we can learn what it means to really love. and from there, we cherish each other even more.

love is no easy thing.

people always say they love, when in fact they don't. love, is when you sacrifice your own gain for the other's benefit, even when the other does not know it. love, is when you try to make the other smile, even when you are not happy. i said before in my (now already 'dead') blog where i write about christian stuffs, i shall say it here again.

we all heard this before:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

if you change the word love to i, you will get:

i am patient, i am kind. i do not envy, i do not boast, i am not proud. i am not rude, i am not self-seeking, i am not easily angered, i keep no record of wrongs. i do not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. i always protect, always trust, always hope, always persevere.

now, are you that when you face your boyfriend or girlfriend, husband or wife? if you are not, then you still don't love her as much. or that you love yourself much much more.

give me your life, and i will give you mine. i cannot promise i will never hurt you. but i can try to make you as happy as possible, even at my own cost. that, is love.

what about you? do you have love? are you ready to go into a relationship? know how you feel, and take the risk, at the same time, try and make the other happy. for those in a relationship, improve yourself. no one can be perfect. we all can only aim to get nearer to it. for those not in relationship, if there is a chance, don't miss it. there may never be a second chance again. many times, chance only comes once. it is up to you to decide what to do with it.

that's all.