Month: January 2019

Feelings

Feelings, they are a weird thing. There are some people whom you just don’t like at first sight, and there are those you like at first sight. There are also those that you like after some time. 

But the most irritating part of them all is that you are unable to control them. Even when you know it is wrong, that you are not supposed to feel that way.

In Chinese there is this saying:
有緣千里來相會,無緣對面不相逢

Loosely translated it means this:
The fated will travel a thousand miles to meet, the unfated will not meet even though they are right in front of each other.

I especially love this saying, because I felt it applies to me. In my life I ever have 4 girlfriends, the last married me eventually. But only the first one is from the same country as me, the second from country A, and the last 2 from country B.

It amazes me sometimes just how much this so-called destiny or fate plays a part. That 2 people born and lived so far apart, actually had the opportunity to meet and come together to share a part of their lives.

Then of course I somewhat experienced first hand the feeling of the second part of the saying. That after a breakup, walking by each other while pretending to be strangers, even though knowing each other was there.

My wife and I had a difficult road at the start. We suffered together and she married me at my poorest and my lowest. She has a good character and has life goals which are aligned as me.

And that is where other issues come in, wholly on my part.

I was and am a person who easily fall in love or have romantic feelings for others. And sometimes it will just be a, I admit, strong and lingering lust towards certain individuals that just refuses to go away even after a few years.

And these are the things that I cannot tell anyone. That I have so gotten used to keeping them to myself that I am surprised I can write all these down today. But I just had a rash idea of writing them down these few days.

有些人,注定看不到彼此最好的一面
有些人,注定永遠得不到彼此
There are those who are fated never to see the best side of each other.
There are those who are fated never to have each other.

In all logical thinking, I know that even if you give me the prettiest girl in this world, once I have slept with her enough, I will still turn to look at other girls, even if they are not as pretty as the one I have. 

In all logical thinking, giving up the current one and going after others is insane. Because everyone has their flaws, and after the initial infatuation, lust or whatever you call in, reality will sink in.

That I will not give up my current one because I know I will regret and highly likely not finding a better one who fits and loves me so much. Yet, that persistent lust and thoughts sometimes are a bit hard to handle.

Will continue the story in another post.

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