The Feelings That Will Not Go Away

It does not go away. And as time ticks down to the final moment where I will be posted out, I feel more and more… what is the word should I use? Sad? No. A feeling which I do not know how to describe, knowing that the moment I left my current work location to the next place, I will not see her that much anymore. Perhaps not anymore. My organisation is small, but the area it spanned is big. And without any reason or coincidence, we will just be confined to each of our work locations, without the opportunity to see each other.

I thank Big Boss up there for giving me the opportunity to work with her, though not as much as I wanted to. To attend a course with her where the 2 days were really enjoyable for me. I got to talk to her on a more personal level and privately which I normally could not. I got to take a walk with her to the outside where we got our lunch.

But such things will end. Because we are not together, and so our lives not tied as one and hence there has to be an end. The one who will walk with me all the way is, will be, and should only be my wife – the woman I should treasure. Perhaps Big Boss up there took pity on me, and gave me the opportunity to save up some memories with her.

If you ask me now, the best I could hope for will be to become good friends with her. But that is very improbable. The status of a married person places too much limit on a person when interacting with the opposite sex. People do place restrictions on themselves, and so do you. She will never initiate conversations with me, unless absolutely necessary. But whenever I initiated conversations with her, it will also be mostly about work.

Today she told me the boss of another work location wanted to know about me, on whether I wanted to work under him. She is not my boss, but she relayed the message to the management of my department. Personally I do not mind the work nature of the other work location, but it just so happened that if I work there, I can really forget about seeing her anymore. The area which this organisation takes up is simply too big and segregated. But of course nothing is confirmed now.

This week I swapped my duty with another colleague. She is on the same weekend duty shift as me. So whenever I work weekends I will see her unless one of us is away or swapped duty. It was with reluctance that I swapped with her, despite the fact that even if I work the full 12 hour shift, I will also only get to see her and talk to her for that bit of time. Because while we are in the same general work location, we are in different specific locations.

And as time goes by, my heart feels more and more unhappy. I guess I really like her.

Posted by pencil-leads

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