Today’s post has nothing to do with financial freedom, politics, current affairs or economics. It is just a personal rambling and why I have not been updating as frequently as before. Blog articles may be published at an even slower rate as I attempt to recover back in life.
Since 6 years ago, life has not been going well. Things can still run somewhat smoothly, but there have been various issues. 3.5 years ago I revamped this whole website and started this blog, and have been consistently churning out new articles. However 2 years ago, serious shit happened in life, and I updated much less frequently. I tried to get things running and improving, and had created a new ‘Portfolio’ section. Yet last month, things took a turn for the worse, and till today I have no mood to seriously update my blog except for the weekly trading section. I have little mood to read up on current affairs, news on politics, analysis on economics etc.
If all goes badly, the worst is yet to come, and this has been the absolute low of my life. My life is in shambles now.
I was born in a Christian family, and later on I decided to continue in the religion out of my own free will. As a young teenager to my young adult days, I read The Holy Bible often, aspired and actually put in the effort to be a decent Christian, one that live my life which though not perfect, was something that I can be proud of.
In fact, when the younger me, one who was not beaten down by society, read the book of Job, I could not understand. The book of Job describes a God-fearing man called Job, who was living an upright life and who was prosperous. But he lost nearly everything within a short span of time. In one of the days his livestock were either robbed away or dead, servants killed and his children died. On another day his whole body was afflicted with painful sores. When that happened his wife told him to ‘Curse God and die!’, which he refused and reprimanded his wife for.
I remembered thinking, what little faith the woman had. It is during this kind of time we need to strengthen our faith in God. I could do better. I would do better. But as adulthood progressed, shit happened. I began to lose faith bit by bit. And this round, I could fully understand what Job’s wife meant. And it took all my effort to not ‘curse God and die‘, for I do not want to fall so low yet. And as I read the book of Job again today, as the book described Job’s complains against God and his powerlessness against God’s absolute power, I thought this time, I could understand the content much more than when I was a young adult.
In short: What have I done, that such misfortune should fall on me? Why are the evil roaming around freely while I, who attempts to live a decent life, gets thrashed around mercilessly?
While I do not have the guts to curse God, for the first time in my life, I actually cursed those who maliciously worked to bring my downfall. But we now know in the modern day society, curses have as much destructive power as a teletubby. Nobody will fall because of a curse. I prayed properly for the first time in a long while, yet do not have the faith that should tag along with it.
Though I chart a future for myself, of a time when all these is over and I can climb up again from the pits, it is nice on paper but extremely difficult to carry out in reality. I do not know what will happen from here, how long I will take to recover, whether the worst will indeed come, how much future do I actually have. But the future is bleak and I have little hope, and while I attempt to get myself up, updating of this blog may be slow for some time. But I will still take the effort to maintain and generate new content for this blog.
I will stop the ramblings here. But one day, I will bring this website up another level. An ironic post for Christmas.
