The iPhone

I wrote this article 12 years ago on 15 October 2010 as a very young adult, for the very young adults. Back then my readers were of the same age as me. Today I am re-publishing it here not because I am lazy to write, but because 12 years later I still think this is still valid. I spent quite some time digging this out. Of course, my style of writing has changed a lot since then. Sarcasm was blatant and overall quality was much lower. Certain context is outdated, but readers should still be able to understand what this article is trying to convey.

Because I got nothing better to do, let me talk a bit about how I feel about the iPhone. Let me clarify, everything here is 100% subjective, and 0% objective. If you think that you will not like what I say, I suggest you immediately exit this page now and never come back again.

The iPhone, although it was announced in 2007, it was in the year 2009 that it was officially launched in Singapore. And therefore, from the recent trends and from seeing how my fellow comrades citizens reacted, I gained a certain insight to the awesomeness of the iPhone.

Firstly, the iPhone right now is THE phone. To hell with all the other phones. There is this touchscreen capability. It is the touchscreen you know? Touchscreen! You may think, heck, that a long long time ago, in the age of the big bang, touchscreen capability was already applied on phones. But you are wrong. All the other phones did not have the wonderful and mighty logo of a bitten apple on their gadgets. Witness the might of American technological application. You may be using the latest technology available to the race called homo sapiens, but if your technology is not supported by a company from the United States, especially one with THE logo of a bitten apple, then you might as well not use it. Don’t get it the other way round. As long as it contains the logo of that all famous apple, a pebble on the road is the ‘in’ gadget.

Second, it has a whopping internal memory space of 8GB, 16GB or 32GB. That’s a lot of space for a phone, you know? To all of you who condemn the iPhone because it offers no external memory, and decides that it is dangerous because you cannot backup everything to the external memory in preparation for the crash of the iPhone, then you are hopelessly wrong. If Apple decides that internal memory is better, then it is better. I mean, hey, they are the creator of THE iPod, and THE Macbook series ok? Who are you to criticize them? If your iPhone crashed, then it must be your karma. The wonders of American technology, especially that with an apple logo, never failed mankind. Besides, all you need to do is to plug in your cable to the computer everyday to transfer that one single picture you took today. Don’t think of it as wasting your life. Every single second spent on the iPhone contributes to your inner well-being.

The games! How can I forget the games? The iPhone offers a whole range of games that you can play alone, or with your friends. Don’t even think of it as simple flash games. The PSP and the Nintendo DS are meeting stiff competition. Who needs the Japanese invention of 3D / interactive games when the Americans say that phone games are better? You who play the PSP and DS, you are not playing the latest and the ‘in’ game human civilization has now. Wait, let me throw away my DS first.

Internet capability. Of course, how can the iPhone not offer its users the option of surfing the internet? The iPhone can surf the internet, do you know that? With this who needs a desktop or a laptop? You can surf the internet now with a small little wonderful gadget in your hands, instead of connecting wires here and there using that box called the computer. That little box belongs to the age before the big bang. Update yourself now. Now, let me throw away my PC which I built myself, as well as my laptop. We shall forget the fact that keitai users in Japan has been using the internet on their phones ever since the samurai era. Why? The answer is obvious you fool! Because their phones do not have the logo! Anything that doesn’t have that logo of the apple is as good as trash.

Applications are so many you would take 20 years to count if you can say out 1 application per second, doing that without the need for sleep or eat or any other activities. Why do you think you need so much memory space? Of course it is for the applications that you can download and use! With this, you can customize your iPhone to your heart’s content. Although we are using iPhones, mine is different from yours, because I got this particular application in my phone. Whether I use it or not is another thing, but the fact that I have more applications in my library means that I am much more advanced than you, you noob.

Music playlist. Of course, the merger of the iPod with a phone. We call that the iPhone – the greatest invention known to mankind in our 5000 year history. You don’t need to carry a MP3 player and phone separately. Now, throw away your Creative Zen, your Sony Walkman, your iRiver. Get the iPhone. But if you own an iPod, don’t bother. The fact that you have one more product from the Apple factory makes you a bit more cool.

The style. Needless to say, if you are holding an iPhone, you are the cool. Whether you are a 3 year old kid or a 90 year old granny, the fact that you are holding the greatest invention of all time means that you are part of the fashion statement. Don’t be surprised if a stranger comes up to you and says something like, ‘Woah! it’s.. it’s.. it’s the the the iPhone!’ You can then proudly take it out and show it to him, giving him the eyes that says, ‘Of course. The cool has it.’ If you think you are part of the chronically uncool ever since your school days, don’t worry! I am sure Apple has thought of that as well. The iPhone is the solution. Don’t think it is just a phone. It can even make a hikikomori be surrounded by people fighting to be his or her best friend. This iPhone will save all the people who originally do not belong in the spotlight. And if you are originally in the spotlight? Don’t worry, you will be elevated to the status of a deity. If the uncool can become cool with the help of the iPhone, imagine how far you will go if you are originally a supermodel, or perhaps the celebrity all people go gaga over. The iPhone is not simply here to make our lives easier. It is here to save mankind. In short, get the iPhone.

Some people feel that if everybody has something, then they must also have it. I mean, come on, everybody has it, how can I not have it? Then again, I am always part of the chronically uncool, and will intend to be. Precisely because everybody has it, that’s why I will definitely not get it. I will own something that all the others do not have. In short, I prefer my Sharp 932SH keitai. Why? I am just a lowly commoner whose hands are unfit to even touch the paint which drops off from the iPhone. Now, be cool. get the iPhone. Everytime you see that famous logo, you will be reminded, ‘I am the cool!

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- Resources Price
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